We can all agree 2016 was rough, but didn’t it feel good to kick off 2017 by cutting out sugar, getting a full eight hours of shut eye a night and crushing it at two-a-day boxing classes? Oh wait. It’s nearing the end of January, and we’ve accomplished little more than snoozing through every 6 a.m. alarm.
Let’s face it. New Year’s resolutions are hard, and sometimes it’s easier to embrace—and celebrate—failure. So with that in mind, here are 10 songs to make you feel better about breaking New Year’s resolutions.
1. Weird Al Yankovic, “Fat”
This is the ultimate in overindulgent pride. It may be a parody, but it carries enough heft (heh) to silence anyone thinking twice about pie a la mode. Hell, the video—notoriously featuring a fat-suit-donning Yankovic traversing the same subway location as Michael Jackson in “Bad”—won a Grammy. Keep up the eating routine and one day you, too, can be your own king of cellulite. Ham on.
2. Oasis, “Cigarettes and Alcohol”
Brothers Gallagher really had the right idea with this rough-around-the-edges rocker (never mind the fact that substance abuse would ultimately contribute to Oasis’ demise). You could spend your life searching for purpose and meaning, or you could chain-smoke your way through several rounds at the pub. Sounds pretty simple when you put it that way, dunnit?
3. The Magnetic Fields, “I Don’t Believe You”
Learning to trust is a great idea in theory. In practice, not so much. Before the era of Instagram shade, Magnetic Fields frontman Stephin Merritt drolly checks his significant other with sung air quotes in this surprisingly plucky ditty.
4. The Lonely Island, “Lazy Sunday”
“Lazy Sunday” is truly the rap anthem for sluggish white dudes everywhere. Written by the Lonely Island comedy group of Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone and Akiva Schaffer, the song debuted as a Saturday Night Live digital short, but stuck around for Internet fame after striking a chord with all cupcake-binging Narnia lovers.
5. Liz Phair, “Fuck and Run”
Old habits die hard, which Liz Phair’s bare bones ‘90s classic “Fuck and Run” perfectly encapsulates. That feeling of wanting more (letters and sodas, if only!), falling into bed, running away. Will we ever learn?
6. Amy Winehouse, “Rehab”
Though regrettably autobiographical for Amy Winehouse, “Rehab” nonetheless rings true for users who just say “no, no, no.” The horns, the Motown funk and Winehouse’s soulful delivery make for an intoxicating cocktail that’s hard to refuse.
7. Rufus Wainwright, “Vibrate”
So you resolved to say “boy, bye.” But then your phone dings, your hopes dash and before you know it you’re staring at a “Read” receipt with no reply. Rufus Wainwright’s “Vibrate” was essentially the 2003 Nokia version of a “U up?” text set to a gorgeous orchestral score.
8. Destiny’s Child, “Bootylicious”
Long live the booty. Always staunch promoters of girl power, Destiny’s Child gives one hell of a hip-shaking shout out to curvy girls with “Bootylicious,” a song so damn cool, it samples Stevie Nicks.
9. Green Day, “Longview”
This song will forever speak to the teenage slacker in all of us. Particularly during this, ahem, discouraging political climate, jerking off, smoking weed and being bored off your ass feels like a nice alternative.
10. Lily Allen, “Fuck You”
sums it up: The new and improved you can wait ‘til next year.