60. Tom Scharpling—@scharpling
Twitter Bio: Host of The Best Show. Writer. Director. 1/2 of Scharpling & Wurster. 2016 or bust.
Best Recent Tweet: I love when bands come onstage to entrance music that is better than anything they are going to perform for the next two hours.
Runner-Up: Why did Darth Vader pitch Luke on joining forces AFTER chopping off his hand? Seems like it would be hard to close any deal after doing that
59. Kate Berlant—@kateberlant
Twitter Bio: I begged them not to verify me.
Best Recent Tweet: Had a hyper realistic nightmare that comedy couldn’t prevent the rise of fascism
Runner-Up: So glad we have La La Land to remind us that black people are props
58. Tormblaby Piackeels—@Tormny_Pickeals
Twitter Bio: check out my podcast if u wanna know if u can cum in space. ‘’I COMPLETELY disagree with this guy, but I like him’’ -Patton Oswardt
Best Recent Tweet: every girl wants a boy who
-buys her roses
-kisses her on the cheek
-reads ayn rand once
-explains love in terms of economic benefit
Runner-Up: i vote democrat & practice edging, because theres nothing quite like approaching a satisfying climax &then smashing your nuts to prevent it
57. Joe Kwaczala—@joekjoek
Twitter Bio: \\\\\\\\ Writer | Comedian | Coward //////// Contributor for @ClickHole & @ONN – Host of The Wheel Show, @TheLateLiveShow and future inventor of caramel M&Ms
Best Recent Tweet: Yo church, it is weird when you make me shake my mom’s hand
Runner-Up: I once met a Rachel with such a thick California accent that it sounded like her name was Ray Charles
Twitter Bio: Jewish American Disney Princess
Best Recent Tweet: [Trump repeatedly praises foreign dictator]
This man is a patriot!
[Obama is a black guy]
I don’t even believe he’s really American.
Runner-Up: Christmas is a dude. It only comes once but everyone celebrates. Chanukah is a chick. It comes 8 times in a row but it’s not that important.
55. Stephanie McMaster—@Smethanie
Twitter Bio: Writer. Mom. Once washed a cat in a bathroom sink at DFW Airport. smethanie on IG, Snapchat
Best Recent Tweet: I texted someone “hell yeah,” but autocorrect changed it to “hell year” because even our phones know.
Runner-Up: The most unbelievable part of Westworld is that anyone would spend $40k a day for a vacation lacking wifi.
54. Lauren Ashley Bishop—@sbellelauren
Twitter Bio: i’m a comedian from arkansas. i live in LA. but i comede all over. @nataliedeefacebook.com/sbellelauren
Best Recent Tweet: be the favorite person in your family by yelling “i know how you die!!” when natalie wood comes on screen in miracle on 34th street
Runner-Up: dogs are gonna be so angry when they find out we pee inside
Twitter Bio: comic @theonion@aboveaverage@cafedotcom
Best Recent Tweet: my identity politics is “I don’t want to live in an internment camp”
Runner-Up: Ronda Rousey lost because the white working class didn’t feel inspired
52. Pixelated Boat—@PixelatedBoat
Twitter Bio: Space criminal. Read my comics on IG – Instagram.com/onegianthand or tumblr – onegianthand.com
Best Recent Tweet: You (ignorant about history): 2016 was the worst year ever Me (wise): The worst year was 2009 when I trapped my dick in 7 separate car doors
Runner-Up: The kids will fight back against Trump with punk rock, a white-as-hell genre created by people their grandparents’ age
51. Karen Kilgariff—@KarenKilgariff
Twitter Bio: TV/VCR Repair
Best Recent Tweet: The definition of insanity is starting a subtitled Netflix series like you can stop looking at your phone for more than 4 seconds
Runner-Up: My secret to success? Constantly whisper “fuck you” all day long
Twitter Bio: Trump destroyer, cum lover. Instagram.com/desijed
Best Recent Tweet: “How Soon is Now?” then “The Killing Moon”? Why do I get the feeling this restaurant is about to finger me while we watch 120 Minutes?
Runner-Up: One thing that still brings me pleasure after the election is blow drying my bush in the gym locker room. It’s the small things.
49. Kumail Nanjiani—@kumailn
Twitter Bio: Silicon Valley. Upcoming movie The Big Sick. Portlandia. Adventure Time. The Indoor Kids. The X-Files Files. Activist.
Best Recent Tweet: Hope: Internet will allow ppl from different backgrounds to communicate & understand one another.
Reality: All the racists found each other!
Runner-Up: Dudes: The only acceptable emotion for men to show is anger. What could go wrong?
Cut to entire earth literally on fire
48. Louis Virtel—@louisvirtel
Twitter Bio: Verbal voguer. Tragically thin. Lost in a catsuit of emotions. Jeopardy! snapdragon. Gay for attention.
Best Recent Tweet: Reminder not to show “Home Alone” to your kids since it is a movie about taking Catherine O’Hara for granted.
Runner-Up: My favorite 38-minute pop song is “Candle in the Wind 2016.”
47. Paul F. Tompkins—@PFTompkins
Twitter Bio: SPONTANEANATION / BoJack Horseman / Bajillion Dollar Propertie$ Snapchat: PFTompkins
Best Recent Tweet: SO WHAT IF I STILL ENJOY EATING DRY CHEERIOS OUT OF A BAGGIE WHILE SEATED ON A TALL CHAIR WITH AN ATTACHED TRAY
Runner-Up: Yeah, I’ll delete-and-replace for typos, so what? I RESPECT THE FUTURE GENERATIONS READING MY TWEETS IN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.
46. Victor Pope Jr—@VictorPopeJr
Twitter Bio: Snapchat = Victorpopejr. For business email@example.com
Best Recent Tweet: somebody said “why does God hate me”. He dont hate u. He love u. He just cant leave his wife rn. U know what u was getting into.
Runner-Up: I just realized I ain’t ever called the police in my life and now I wanna call em just to see wassup
45. Marcella Arguello—@marcellacomedy
Twitter Bio: Stop asking why I’m so mean and start asking why ya moms raised a punk ass bitch • 3x @midnight winner • 209 TIL I DIE
Best Recent Tweet: There’s no way in hell any dude who voted for Trump is good at sex.
Runner-Up: A dude rejected me by suggesting we should “just be friends” and I was like dude I’m ugly but I’m not THAT fuckin ugly.
44. Erin Gloria Ryan—@morninggloria
Twitter Bio: Now: @TheDailyBeast. Host of @cafedotcom’s Girl Friday. Dork on @truTV’s Greatest Ever. Also: #racewars@Jezebel@Vh1. So tired. email: erinryan@ProtonMail.com
Best Recent Tweet: instead of reading [breitbart writer] milo [yiannopoulos]’s book i suggest you read the front of a bus as it approaches you at top speed and from a very close distance
Runner-Up: (gets out of bed) (checks twitter) well that was a mistake
43. Desus Nice—@desusnice
#Bodegaboys on Itunes |@desusandmero on @Viceland | tweeting shirtless in red lobster eatin on shrimp | IG: desusnice | CONTACT: Desus@Desusnice.com
Best Recent Tweet: can they give trump a fake nuclear code? like mike jones phone number or something?
Runner-Up: To be fair Ronda Rousey won the electoral college vote
42. Chelsea Peretti—@chelseaperetti
Twitter Bio: One of the Greats. Brooklyn Nine Nine. Hour stand-up special on Netflix. Podcast on itunes. CAPS AREN’T YELLING THEY R ACTION MOVIE LEVEL INTENSITY TWEETING.
Best Recent Tweet: Imagine if you were a food scientist who invented the “sour cream and onion” flavor, how much you’d swing ur dick around w your colleagues!
Runner-Up: I know this isnt what twitter is about but I just want to announce that I just finished reading a book! It felt great!
41. Mike Drucker—@MikeDrucker
Twitter Bio: Co-Head Writer (Bill Nye Saves the World), Writer (Adam Ruins Everything, Tonight Show, SNL, Nintendo, IGN), Comedian, Podcast host. You be good. I love you.
Best Recent Tweet: REPUBLICANS: Obama was not strong enough against Russia. He failed. 2017 will fix this.
TRUMP: Yo, Putin. Lemme suck that dick a bit more.
Runner-Up:I’m drinking in an airport bar and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” just came on. Good news! It’s an act break scene in my life!