During yesterday’s Europa League tie against FC Rostov, Manchester United players were terrorized when their manager José Mourinho charged at them with an unpeeled banana.
Most players were able to evade Mourinho’s bizarre rampage as he prowled the touchline at Old Trafford, pointing the banana at innocent people with what can only be described as murderous intent. But one poor soul wasn’t so lucky.
Argentinian defender Marcos Rojo was unable to escape his manager’s clutches in time. In a fit of uncontrolled rage, Mourinho forced the 26-year-old to ingest his makeshift weapon in front of tens of thousands of onlookers, all of whom were shocked and dismayed at the proceedings. This shameful act of violent humiliation was also broadcast for a global audience, meaning that millions around the world witnessed something that will surely haunt them for the rest of their days.
Rojo, understandably, did not make himself available for comment. When interrogated by still-shaken reporters after the match, Mourinho blamed his rampage on Arsène Wenger.