While the term “death doula” is new, the concept of holding death and grief as sacred is not. Death becoming medicalized and moving into hospitals played a big part in it becoming something that families and loved ones feared. Grief over the loss of loved ones, the period of mourning after a death, were, until relatively recently, significant and special things. Now, however, we are encouraged to hide our grief, to consider it a messy and private thing, when, for generations past, it was a point of community. People were not expected to grieve alone when their loved ones died. They were lifted up within their communities and mourning was neither shameful nor private. They were given time and space to mourn.
Another group whose aim is to re-center grief and take back ownership of death is the death positive movement, begun by mortician Caitlin Doughty. She started The Order of the Good Death in response to the culture of fear that surrounds modern death. The group’s mission is to break down that fear and make death a part of life. According to The Order of the Good Death, the group is comprised of funerary professionals, academics and artists who strive “to bring death awareness and acceptance into a culture that is all too often death phobic.”
Both of these groups are working hard to bring death back into life and remove the stigma and fear modern society has pinned to the natural process. Both groups advocate for death as a sacred experience, a personal experience, a life experience.
By utilizing the services of a death doula, loss and grief can be refocused on the love and the sacred, instead of on fear and negative emotions. By joining, or just acknowledging, the death positive movement, people can help to de-stigmatize the process of dying, which in the end will make the idea of death much easier for everyone to digest.
Kristi is a freelance writer and mother who spends most of her time caring for people other than herself. She is frequently exhausted and compensates with an intense caffeine addiction.