The Top 10 WTF Moments of Eurovision 2017

Once a year since 1956, Europe has gathered together to celebrate the cheesier-than-fondue fest that is the Eurovision Song Contest. (Need more backstory on the event? Read this more-specific cheat sheet on the spectacle that’s fit for feathers, belters, and dreamers.) Last year was the event’s first appearance on American television. And things have only snowballed in the last 365 days.

Strangely enough, this year’s top prize and hosting duties for 2018 was taken by Portugal with an understated ballad sung by Salvador Sobra. The singer’s performance was heavy on backstory—a song written by his sister Luisa, a heart condition that kept the singer at home until the last possible moment, a long pause before realizing he had won (because who can understand the event’s complex scoring?!). What it lacked, however, was theatrics. But thankfully, other countries picked up the WTF slack. From dancing animals to genre mashups that no one asked for, here are our top 10 favorite moments of Eurovision 2017.

1. Sweden Celebrating Its Best Export—Hotties

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Look Sweden, we get it: You’re all really, really, really, ridiculously good looking. But just in case we dare forget it for a moment, the country sent Robin Bengtsson and a pack of supermodels (on treadmills no less!) to remind us. We can’t go on when you’re all so freaking beautiful…but we’re going to try.

2. White Out

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The theme of the evening, “Celebrate Diversity,” was repeatedly announced by the hosts…who were three white men.

3. Italy Going Ape

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Francesco Gabbani’s Italian language song “Occidentali’s Karma” featured symbols familiar to anyone who has ever taken a yoga class…and a breakdancing ape. Because, well, other than confusing the people drinking at home we’re not actually sure. But don’t worry. The simian stage guest was wearing a bow tie, because dressing for the occasion is crucial.

4. Azerbaijan Horsing Around

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It was a good night people in animal costumes. Dihaj brought the drama and chalkboard (which she expanded to include the backs of her dancers). But the guy on a ladder on a horse head? That piece of symbolism will remain one of Eurovision’s great mysteries.

5. The Australian Moon
While the votes were being counted and Ukrainian singer Jamala took the stage for a touching ballad, we were also treated to a streaker wearing an Australian flag who demurely wiggled his butt for the camera before being pulled off stage. It was quite possibly the most understated performance of the evening.

6. Croatia’s Trip to Middle Earth

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Jacques Houdek pulled a Gollum/Smeagol act, performing Middle Earth’s best tribute in alternating high and low voices. Bonus points for the middle school portrait-style imagery projected behind him.

7. Yodel Having a Moment

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Leave it to Romania’s Ilina and Alex Florea to bring us the rap/yodeling mashup no one asked for. A special shout out to Florea for surviving both dancing in dangerous shoes and Ilinca’s post song smooch, which if video is any indication she wasn’t anticipating.

8. Moldova Doing the Chicken Dance One Better

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[Extremely Stefon voice] SunStroke Project’s performance has everything—sax appeal, wiggling legs, quick change costumes and women singing into flower bouquets. Sense? Please dear, this is Eurovision.

9. Belarus Keeps it in the Family?

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Naviband aren’t related. We know that know. But Belarus’ answer to The White Stripes (The Mild Stripes?) look so unnervingly similar that when they opted for a post song make out, gasps were briefly heard ‘round the world.

10. Spain Didn’t Do It For Their Lover

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Look, all I’m saying Spain, is that if you wanna seduce a lady, maybe faux beach imagery accompanied by an Ed Sheeran-style beat really isn’t the way to go. Their total take of five points seemed way too generous.