Good news: Fox News is finally starting to crawl out of Republican lawmakers’ back pockets. The bad news? They’re still crazy as shit. In a segment on his show last night, Sean Hannity took about ten minutes to chew out conservative Congressmen—emphasis on men, as they make up 91.3 percent of Congressional Republicans—for their “pathetic” inability to fulfill their (never realistic) promises.
Hannity advised them to “turn off the air conditioner and start sweating like the rest of America,” whatever that means. He also suggested they “use fans like our Founding Fathers and framers did.” Yeah! And fuck indoor plumbing! Build an outhouse like a real patriot.
“And you know what? No ‘Senate dining room,’” Hannity angrily declared like a mom punishing her kid for eating sweets before dinner. “How about order some pizza? Get some fast food. Get some KFC, some Wendy’s. I’ll even send beer, and Coke, and Sprite. And you know what? Don’t leave the room until you do your job, and come out and say, ‘We have come to an agreement and we have a bill that we can put on President Trump’s desk.’”
His demands, which include tax cuts for corporations and “at least 300 miles” of the border wall built, are terrifying. Hannity represents a breed of Republican that wants what’s worst for everyone but himself, and it’s likely he’ll be the party norm in the near future. The moderate Republicans—“phony showboats,” as Hannity calls them—in Congress are starting to blend with the moderate Democrats. It appears that the melding will result in the Democratic Party absorbing these moderates, leaving the “fringe” Republicans like Hannity as the core of the conservative movement. The two-party system has evolved from a small government versus big government dynamic to one of good versus evil, and Fox News is the Republican’s official network of misinformation.
Watch Hannity ramble above. Also an option: not doing that.