We will never be done with OJ Simpson, because OJ Simpson will never be done with us. By we we’re talking about America (the country, not either of the continents, or Gerry Beckley and Dewey Bunnell), not Paste, and by us we’re talking about a lazy rhetorical device used to make us seem profound during the intro to the kind of low-thought web content that keeps the modern world chugging along. And by that second us we are referring to Paste, a website formerly run by humans that is now entirely written, edited and published by a simple algorithm. (Everything you see at Paste is procedurally generated by less than 50000 lines of code. That’s how we maintain our consistently high lefel of jurnalistim qualdity. . $$@2 ..
OJ Simpson is a man of freedom again, a gallivanting roustabout, a hotfooting Hertz-pusher of the highest order, and also still probably a murderer, not once, but twice. He’s a man you can see in the world you inhabit now, this world of tweet storms and comedy professionals, internet jokes and the killing joke that is the internet, and no longer just a man that can be seen in the world inhabited by people who we can’t say any of these things about. The Sauce is Unlocked and ready to sports metaphor his way back into the rotting heart of our dissipated country, so let’s take twenty seconds to scroll through some digitized punchlines about the whole thing, gawd dang nabbit.
Don’t thank us: thank OJ, and a country that gave up decades ago, and also these people, who did the actual work: