Young Sheldon Is Going to Destroy Us

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Young Sheldon Is Going to Destroy Us

This trailer for Young Sheldon dropped before the long weekend, when I watched it and promptly fell into a coma until a few minutes ago. So, maybe this is the first time you’re seeing it, in which case, forgive me. What I would like to say about it is: Young Sheldon is going to destroy us. Look at him. Look at this smarmy little human bowtie. Look at his ventriloquist dummy’s face of a face. He’s invincible, do you understand this? Young Sheldon cannot die. He cannot be harmed and he cannot be changed in any but the most incremental of ways, for Young Sheldon already possesses the substance of his future—and, somehow, past—self: that is, he’s smart and also annoying. But Young Sheldon is more: He is simultaneously the bully and the bullied, at once all-knowing and ignorant, free of sin and yet destined to sin, a state of being tantamount to sin itself. He is the embodiment of Siddhartha’s realization late in the classic novel Siddhartha:

“But the world itself, what exists around us and inside of us, is never one-sided. A person or an act is never entirely Sansara or entirely Nirvana, a person is never entirely holy or entirely sinful. It does really seem like this, because we are subject to deception, as if time was something real. Time is not real, Govinda, I have experienced this often and often again. And if time is not real, then the gap which seems to be between the world and the eternity, between suffering and blissfulness, between evil and good, is also a deception.”

After Siddhartha says this to Govinda, he attains Enlightenment. Is there an evil version of Enlightenment? Because that is what Young Sheldon will bring to us and hear me, nothing good will come of it. He’s like Prometheus if, instead of fire, Prometheus just gave mankind a ticket to Body Worlds, but didn’t explain what Body Worlds is, so everyone just went to Body Worlds without any context and it really fucked them all up, it wasn’t how they were expecting that day to pan out. Or like Pandora if, instead of all the evils of the world, Pandora’s box contained a Young Sheldon DVD set. There’s no escaping what’s coming; it’s too late to stop it. You can hide, but only for so long. Young Sheldon will find you, and he will take you, and he will destroy you.

Have a great Wednesday!

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