Unlike Nintendo’s previous consoles, the Switch is enjoying a decent amount of third-party software support. It’s getting Doom, for Pete’s sake. With easy-to-use hardware, one would think that EA Sports’ world-famous FIFA franchise would be a perfect fit for the Switch. Sure, the graphics aren’t up to par in this version of FIFA 18 (this does not use the Frostbite engine), and maybe Nintendo still has a lot to learn with its online infrastructure, but the core FIFA experience should be alive and well on the Switch. Let’s take a look, shall we?
Oh. Oh, my. Well, that doesn’t seem right at all. What is wrong with that guy’s face?
AHHH. What happened to these poor soccer players? Are they members of the Blue Man Group who were poisoned by gamma radiation? Did these team members tattoo their nation’s flag on their faces, or something like that? You’re all seeing this, right? Because we don’t see anyone else on the field freaking out about this. The opposing team seems pretty blasé about competing against these checkerboard-faced freaks of nature. Well, at least it can’t get any worse.
Oh lordy, please make it stop. Is this Redditor playing a twisted game type in Minecraft? Christ, even the damn soccer ball is a cube.
And the worst part of this GIF is that the shadowy, blocky players eventually form into creepy, shadowy “human beings.” What are they, the Woodsmen from Twin Peaks? An army of shadow doppelgangers, a la Peter Pan? Is this an exhibition match between the demons from the Patrick Swayze movie Ghost?
FIFA 18 released for Switch, PS4, Xbox One, PC, and even still PS3 and Xbox 360 on Sept. 29. Sleep easy tonight, friends.