Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was recently quoted as saying what many of us have been thinking for quite a while now, reportedly calling the man who happens to be president at the moment “a fucking moron.” Though Tillerson later gave a press conference to announce that Trump is actually smart, he never denied calling the man a moron, a tacit confirmation that has frazzled said moron to no end. Trump was so upset at Tillerson that, when asked about the reported insult, Trump told Forbes, “I think it’s fake news, but if he did that, I guess we’ll have to compare IQ tests. And I can tell you who is going to win.”
Fortunately for us all, late-night funnyman Stephen Colbert took the initiative to make that battle of brains happen, revealing the totally-not-a-bit results of Tillerson v. Trump on last night’s Late Show. Tillerson registers a completely respectable 120, while Trump’s results are … colorful. His IQ isn’t absolute zero, at least, so there’s your silver lining. Someone in The Late Show’s art department deserves a raise.
Colbert goes on to detail President Dumb-Dumb’s feud with Senator Bob Corker, then to share more depressing tidbits about how top officials go about babysitting our child-in-chief, before giving way to a riveting “Real News Tonight” report that roundly mocks how dumbed-down presidential briefings are required to be these days. It would all be so much funnier if this dunce wasn’t in charge of the nukes.
Watch Colbert’s full show-opening monologue above, place your bets on when Tillerson will inevitably be fired, and watch a compilation assembled by Colbert’s late-night peer Jimmy Kimmel that documents President Peabrain’s repeated claims that he knows things.