The Funniest New Year's Tweets of 2018

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The Funniest New Year's Tweets of 2018

Don’t listen to Neil DeGrasse Tyson: everything changed on an atomic level once the clock hit midnight on Monday morning. 2017 went away forever, and 2018 emerged from its ashes, and every single thing everywhere was instantly transformed. That’s how time works—like a Roomba that inevitably sucks up all the garbage in life, if we’re just patient enough.

Okay, that’s a load of horseshit. Nothing’s really changed. We’re the same people we were three days ago. The world is the same dumb place full of jerks and losers. But at least for a little while we were able to have a minor spot of hope that things could improve. Yeah, we had to get almost catatonically drunk in order to make it to that little while, but c’mon, the people who make, ship, distribute and sell that booze have to make ends meet, too. My dad worked in the beer industry for decades, which means the constant need to self-medicate through High Life and Meister Brau kept me alive and eventually bought me a 1990 Nissan Maxima. Thanks!

Oh yeah, here are some tweets.

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