Politics

Shkreli Sentenced: Slammed by Own Solicitor, Sobs in Sorrow, Sent to Slammer for Seven

Politics Features Martin Shkreli
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Shkreli Sentenced: Slammed by Own Solicitor, Sobs in Sorrow, Sent to Slammer for Seven

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I’m sorry.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

No I’m not. This is hilarious.

No one with financial power in America goes to prison. Except this schmuck (for defrauding those with financial power, not for his schmuckness).

If you’re not familiar with Martin Shkreli, the poster child for spoiled rotten dudebroism, he earned the name “Pharma Bro” after purchasing the manufacturing license for Daraprim—a life-saving antiparasitic drug—and increasing its cost by a factor of 56 (taking it from $13.50 per pill to $750 per pill). That was just his entry into douchebaggery. Once he gained notoriety, he began to harass women across the web, getting suspended from Twitter for targeted harassment of Teen Vogue writer, Lauren Duca. He also offered a $5,000 reward for someone who could get a lock of Hillary Clinton’s hair while she was on a book tour.

If you think I'm being hard on “Pharma Bro,” that's literally how the Associated Press describes him in their report on his sentencing after being convicted for securities fraud for defrauding investors on two failed hedge funds. This is who he is. Per the AP:

Attorney Benjamin Brafman argued for Matsumoto to sentence the former pharmaceutical company CEO known for trolling critics on the internet to 18 months in prison.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Jacquelyn Kasulis argued that he deserves 15 years in prison not because he is “the most hated man in America,” but because he is a criminal convicted of serious fraud.

She said the judge must also consider the history and characteristics of the defendant, and said that Shkreli has “no respect whatsoever” for the law, or the court proceedings.

“I also want to make clear that Mr. Shkreli is not a child,” Kasulis said. “Mr. Shkreli is about to turn 35 years old, he's a man. He's not a teenager who just needs some mentoring. He is a man who needs to take responsibility for his actions.”

(And if you want to see some really harsh treatment, try Twitter.)

Pharma Bro may technically be a man, but the public face that he has presented while gleefully jacking up prices on life saving drugs has lost him the respect of every human being with a semi-functioning brain. Shkreli being forced to deal with the consequences of his actions (indirectly, since his seven-year prison sentence has nothing to do with abusing his Pharma Bro powers or harassing women, but hey, they got Al Capone on tax evasion and we all seem fine with it). Vice's senior staff writer, Allie Conti, was in the room during the sentencing, and a sad picture of Shkreli accepting his fate emerged.

I’ll end this column where I began: pure, unadulterated, schadenfreude. Martin Shkreli is a simple-minded troll who became famous because he’s an asshole. His fate is one to be celebrated, especially since it puts the famed single copy Wu-Tang album back on the open market.

Jacob Weindling is a staff writer for Paste politics. Follow him on Twitter at @Jakeweindling.

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