The Oscars were Oscars tonight, with Oscars Oscarsing up all over the place. The Oscars people did what they do once again, miraculously turning the magic of the movies into a backpat-athon that left almost everybody involved or watching at home feeling supremely unfulfilled. Green Book, a movie about how one co-screenwriter had a very good and not especially racist dad, went home with the Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay, and Best Supporting Actor Oscars. Bohemian Rhapsody, a movie about how Queen existed for a while that apparently directed itself, won a bunch of awards, too. Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper unveiled a power source that could help save us from global warming with their erotically charged performance of “Shallow,” and Glenn Close continued her lifelong impression of Susan Lucci by not winning once again. It was certainly an Oscars, with all that that entails, and yes, we watched almost the whole damn thing, for some reason.
What made it almost tenable, once more, was following along with the show on Twitter, an app that disrupts the harassment and hate speech industries but also lets comedians tell jokes sometimes. These are the best of those jokes, at least this year, the year of Green Book, the year of Bohemian Rhapsody, the year of Spike Lee somehow winning his very first competitive Oscar for the very first time. Read the tweets and laugh and follow the tweeters and have a good life okay?