is the best thing that’s happened to AMC since,
um, Mad Men
. Not only is the
plotline fascinating (high-school chemistry teacher finds out he has lung
cancer and starts cooking meth to pay medical bills for himself and baby on the
way), but also it’s full of great tips and warnings for Future Drug Dealers.
Thinking of going into the business? Take heed:
1. Don't, under any
circumstances, pour hydrofluoric acid into a bathtub—
if said bathtub is on the second floor.
2. Don’t lock someone
named Krazy 8 in a basement.
If you're kidnapped by a psychopath killer and you want to poison him, make
sure he likes whatever you're trying to feed him.
4. Undercover cops are
legally allowed to say they're
cops in order to get you to sell them drugs.
5. If your guy gets
pinched, don't try to knock off your lawyer. Just kill your guy.
6. Don’t marry a DEA
7. If you cook meth,
don’t get a customized license plate that says CAP’N COOK. It’s too
The A/C vent in your infant's nursery is a discreet, out-of-the-way hiding
place for guns, drugs and money.
Totally out of options? Just take off all your clothes, walk into a grocery
store, and act like you don't remember anything.
10. And of course,
cook in your underwear.