I can't say that I particularly follow the WWF (now known as the WWE) anymore. But
a few weeks ago, I noticed former WWE Champion, Brock Lesnar was now a
UFC Champion and I couldn't help but become nostalgic for fantastical
time when sports entertainment didn't take itself so seriously. So I
decided to take a trip down memory lane, yearning to reacquaint myself
with the personas, the over the top storylines, and, of course, the
musical moments that the affliction-clad world of UFC seems to lack.
1. Ted Dibiase: Before Fat Joe and Weezy were making it rain, there was The Million Dollar Man. Extra points for the sadistic laugh during the chorus. Also, purple sequins are always a good idea.
2. Doink: I'm a grown man, but clowns still creep me out andI think it all stems back to Doink. Like the announcer says, as soon as that evil carnival music kicks in (Da Da Dadada Da Da Daa Da, Da) with the ominious organ and demonic munchin laughter, "There's something about this guy that puts goosebumps on my goosebumps." Check out the kids in the audience: They're petrified, and rightly so. "One minute he's (Doink) laughing, next minute he's crying, next minute he's laughing, next minute he's making you cry."
3. Ravishing Rick Rude: This one goes out to the ladies.
4. Stone Cold Steve Austin: Anytime I hear a glass break I have the urge to throw on the Disturbed CD, chug a beer and perform a Stunner. AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE!
5. Undertaker (feat. Paul Bearer): The guys in Six Feet Under never looked this cool. Must be the fog.
6. Kurt Angle: Epic Rocky trumpets? Check. "You Suck" chant? Check. All that's missing is raw meat for Angle to use as a punching bag, ya bum.
7. Triple H: This one mostly gets props because of Motorhead, a band whose music makes any situation 10 times more badass. Sidenote: Doesn't Lemmy Kilmister look strange clean shaven?
8. The Ultimate Warrior: No wrestling list is complete without a mention of The Warrior. The best part about his entrance theme was how he entered the ring: full sprint with no regard to giving fans high fives. You couldn't say the man wasn't energetic, but good gracious, can anyone say aneurysm?
8. Hulk Hogan: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all suplexes are created equal, that all wrestlers are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are body slams, clotheslines and the pursuit of happiness. Remember kids, train, say your prayers and eat your vitamins and you can become an American hero like the Hulkster.