If science-fiction flicks are to believed, every aspect of our future will soon be carefully controlled and managed by monolithic, globe-spanning megacorporations. Which means that now is the time to get in on all the action and stake your claim on the ground floor. Of course, not all megacorporations are created equal, and some of them have the potential to turn downright sinister—here’s a rundown of five of them that I personally wouldn’t want to work for.
1. Weyland-Yutani Corp. (Alien)
The Company: Weyland-Yutani—the offworld colony administration corporation so vast that it goes by the simple, ominous moniker “The Company.”
Perks: Riches beyond the dreams of avarice, at the expense of trifling little things like morality and the possible extinction of the human species.
Job Security: Largely dependent on your ability to operate a power-lifter. If you’ve got enough training with one of those, you’re golden.
2. Soylent Corp. (Soylent Green)
The Company: In 2022, when humanity seems poised to slide into anarchy and societal disintegration, up steps the Soylent Corp. with their “high-energy vegetable concentrates”—food for the future!
Perks: You’ll always have a full stomach, a rarity in 2022. Just don’t ask where your meals are coming from.
Job Security: Excellent. Even after you die, you’ll still be a company man!
3. Tyrell Corp. (Blade Runner)
The Company: The massive biotech corporation that produces near-perfect android copies of humans—Replicants. The lynchpin in humanity’s continuing struggle to mine hostile offworld environs.
Perks: The view from their 700-story headquarters in L.A. is breathtaking.
Job Security: Miserable. What use is a human being when you can build a perfect copy and implant it with memories? Aside from the whole psychopathic tendencies thing.
4. Aperture Science, Inc. (Portal)
The Company: Ever the second fiddle to Black Mesa, Aperture Science rose from being a humble shower curtain manufacturing plant to the premiere worldwide purveyor of dimension-hopping technology.
Perks: Cake, if you can find it.
Job Security: If you’re told to assume the Party Escort Submission Position, you may or may not find yourself joining your Companion Cube.
5. Cyberdine Systems Corp. (The Terminator)
The Company: Located in beautiful Sunnydale, Ca., Cyberdine is America’s most advanced electronics and cybernetics defense agency.
Perks: Thanks to Cyberdine, the management of America’s military is essentially on autopilot. The ultimate stress-free work zone!
Job Security: Word on the stock trading circuit is that their Special Projects Division is currently working on the international cyber-security system to end all international cyber-security systems. Something about integrating our defense network into one massive, all-encompassing A.I.-controlled grid. What could possibly go wrong?