10 Ways Darth Vader Might Be Spending the Money He Stole

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The man who donned a Darth Vader costume and knocked off a bank is still at large and in possession of a whole lotta cash… cash he obviously really needed. That means that right now, in a galaxy far, far away, Darth is laying down some serious dough on something. But what?

After much consideration (and consultation with our panel of Vader experts) we’ve compiled a list of 10 ways Darth Vader might be spending his freshly nabbed bread.

1. Death Star repairs
Behind all that doom and gloom, Darth’s a normal guy. He needs his house to feel like home. But that pesky Rebel Force keeps wrecking the place. Perhaps he’s using his funds to renovate/redecorate.

2. The new Adidas sneaks… inspired by himself
A couple of months ago, Adidas released a whole line of Star Wars inspired gear. Darth Vader would obviously go for the Vader shoes, because they are the BAMFiest item, and he is the BAMFiest BAMF in the galaxy.


3. Memory modification for traumatic Jar-Jar Binks flashbacks
Check out the video below, and tell us you wouldn’t wake up in cold sweats, too.

4. Child support
Nobody likes a deadbeat dad, not even Darth Vader. But when your daughter’s a princess and your son’s a Jedi, Christmas can get a little expensive.


5. A quieter breathing apparatus
If we’re tired of hearing that tireless “HOOOHHH….PAAAHHH,” you know he must be.

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