Now that summer’s here, we’re finding ourselves parched a little more frequently.
Need a new way to quench your thirst? Some of our favorite fictional characters are very particular about their drink orders. Grab some ice, check out the following 13 pop cultural beverages and remember: moderation in all things, kids.
13. Jack Torrance, The Shining: Bourbon on the rocks
Drink if: You’re looking for a strong, classy drink. Or if you’re looking to unwind after a long day of axe-wielding.
Metaphorically speaking, Jack’s real drink of choice was “red rum,” but when it comes to his bar order, he’ll take “hair of the dog that bit me” — and you can bet he’ll want to know who paid for it.
12. JD, Scrubs: Appletini
Drink if: You’re comfortable enough with yourself to actually order an appletini.
Poor JD endured a lot of ribbing from friends and strangers alike over his drink order, but it takes an admirable level of confidence to stick with a neon green cocktail.
11. Miles Raymond, Sideways: Pinot noir
Drink if: You want flavors that are “haunting and thrilling and brilliant and subtle” and nothing like that garbage merlot.
Much like Pinot, Miles needs constant care and attention. Only someone who takes the time to understand his potential (Maya) can truly coax him to his fullest expression. You are what you drink, we suppose.
10. Ron Burgundy, Anchorman: Scotch
Drink if: You need some elegant liquor to keep next to your many leatherbound books in your rich mahogany-smelling apartment.
Scotch ranks with poetry and of course, Baxter, among Ron Burgundy’s great loves. Besides, it’s a much better choice than milk.
9. Homer Simpson, The Simpsons: Duff beer
Drink if: You’re just an Average Joe looking for a cheap buzz. Also, if you happen to be a cartoon.
Homer’s been drinking Duff for over 20 years. Now that’s what we call brand loyalty.
8. Burton Mercer, The Blues Brothers: Orange Whip
Drink if: You want to explain to curious onlookers what the hell an orange whip is.
This famous line created a short-lived resurgence for this cocktail — which, in case you’re curious, consists of one part rum, one part vodka, two parts cream and four parts orange juice.
7. Kel, Kenan and Kel: Orange soda
Drink if: You want to relive your childhood.
It may not be an alcoholic beverage, but no matter. Anyone who grew up in the ‘90s knows the answer to the question “Who loves orange soda?”
6. George McFly, Back to the Future: Milk. Chocolate.
Drink if: You need to psych yourself up before telling the girl of your dreams you’re her “density.”
Because plain-old milk just won’t do for badasses like George McFly.
5. Frank Booth, Blue Velvet: Pabst Blue Ribbon
Drink if: You don’t want a beating from a Heineken-hating psychopath.
Dennis Hopper’s Booth is obviously the original hipster, providing the folks who make PBR with a ringing endorsement.
4. Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City: Cosmo
Drink if: You’re the kind of gal who can afford to order a $12 drink while you complain about how pricey your new Jimmy Choos were.
Say what you will about the Sex and the City series (we’ve got a list of gripes with the most recent movie to start with), but the ladies sure did their part to popularize the cosmo.
3. The Dude, The Big Lebowski: White Russian
Drink if: You’re a fan of Kalhua, or if you’re mourning the loss of your rug.
Few drink orders are as iconic as The Dude’s. Be careful, however, and don’t drink too many if you’re just trying to abide — and watch out for drinks mixed by Jackie Treehorn.
2. Don Draper, Mad Men: Old-Fashioned
Drink if: You just won a big account. You’re meeting up with one of your mistresses. You need something to numb you to your miserable suburban existence. You know, the usual.
It makes sense that our favorite surly ad man would be drawn to this bitter drink, and as he struggles to keep up with the rapidly changing society of the 1960s, Don may have more in common with the old-fashioned than he realizes.
1. James Bond, 007 movies: Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred
Drink if: You need to unwind after saving the world for the umpteenth time, and you’re not afraid of sounding like a picky jerk.
To paraphrase Josiah Barlet, it may be just a snooty way to order a weak martini, but it’s easily the most recognizable drink order of all time. We dare you to try and order it in a bar without getting goofy looks.