Being a funny stand-up comedian is not the same as being funny on Twitter. Some of our favorite funnymen and funnywomen (Zach Galifianakis, Louis C.K.) save their best jokes for the stage, while others (Tim Siedell, Kelly Oxford) have a bigger presence online than on stage. But the 30 comedians listed here are consistently funny in 140 characters. We know there are many others that we couldn’t fit on the list—add your favorites to the comments section below.
30. Jen Kirkman – @JenKirkman
Twitter Bio: Comedian, writer, actor. Seen on Chelsea Lately, Drunk History, Conan, Acceptable TV, Home Movies & more. I’m also Southie from the Pod F. Tompkast podcast.
Best Recent Tweet: People say they want to be with someone so they won’t “die alone” but that leaves a 50/50 chance YOU will wake up next to a corpse someday.
Runner-Up: Well, sleep was good from 1:30-2:15. If that’s what God wants, I guess he/she knows what he/she’s doing. Look at the wars. Those make sense.
Twitter Bio: Comedian & other stuff. I have a new Sleepwalk with Me Live Cd now on itunes. What do I do for fun? This.
Best Recent Tweet: The only reason I was in “Going the Distance” is that I AM a waiter at that restaurant.
Runner-Up: Being late is really just based on the fear of being early. Or on time. Or showing up at all.
28. Aziz Ansari – @azizansari
Twitter Bio: I’m an actor/comedian. I play Tom on Parks and Recreation on NBC. I also like food a lot.
Followers: 1.1 million
Best Recent Tweet: “My heart feels like a Krispy Kreme doughnut without her in my life.” – #HoleintheMiddle #FatsoWithaBrokenHeart
Runner-Up: “Sorry I was 15 min late, I was YouTubing clips from Demolition Man for no reason.” #IfIWereHonestAboutWhyIWasLateforStuff
27. Ruth Buzzi – @Ruth_A_Buzzi
Twitter Bio: Retired comedic actress caring deeply about life, love, animals and hopefully dispensing powerful medicine for a troubled world – laughter.
Best Recent Tweet: #AskAuntRuthie Do you have any advice for us today, Aunt Ruthie? Answer: Just this: Never have a heart attack while playing Charades.
Runner-Up: Now that the United States’s credit rating is downgraded, why don’t we just steal some other country’s identity?
26. Jerry Seinfeld – @JerrySeinfeld
Best Recent Tweet: I’m sure with this heat Al Gore’s walking around with a smug smile.
Runner-Up: Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way. Enterplaining.
25. Todd Barry – @toddbarry
Watch. Email list Next shows: Edinburgh, Boston, Los Angeles, Collinsville, CT.
Best Recent Tweet: To Dad in Cheerios ad: you know what your son meant when he asked “is there a prize in there?” Give him a straight answer.
Runner-Up: “I’m sorry I didn’t text back, but I’m Abraham Lincoln. Yes, the president from a long time ago.” #FamousLies
24. Megan Amram – @meganamram
Twitter Bio: it’s this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that’s ‘in’ right now. – my mom
Best Recent Tweet: Long distance relationships are tough. I mean, how do they seriously expect me to stay at least 500 yards away from my ex at all times??
Runner-Up: If I were a shepherd, I would never take inventory of my flock for fear of falling asleep on the job.
23. Lauren Ashley Bishop – @sbellelauren
Twitter Bio: i’m a comedian from arkansas. i live in LA. but i comede all over. witstream.com please & thank you
Best Recent Tweet: weird tiger usually doesn’t have this much trouble getting his balls near a hole
Runner-Up: i bet jellyfish tastes good with peanut butterfish
22. Pete Holmes – @peteholmez
Twitter Bio: Comedian Pete Holmes. @peteholmes is an organic gardener.
Best Recent Tweet: I love the perplexed, sweaty look on a hefty guy’s face in McDonald’s as he tries to figure out if 1/3 is bigger than 1/4.
Runner-Up: You know the sound the Better Than Ezra guy makes before he sings “it was good living with you”? That’s how I call my cat. #awhaw
21. Mindy Kaling – @mindykaling
Twitter Bio: writer/performer/shopper
Followers: 1.4 million
Best Recent Tweet: Someone finally decide the one female comedian who is the next Lucille Ball! You know, the way there is only one male heir to Peter Sellers!
Runner-Up: If you think about it, we’re all the protagonists in our own Final Destination movies.
20. Jimmy Fallon – @jimmyfallon
Twitter Bio: astrophysicist
Followers: 4 million
Best Recent Tweet: BlackBerry laid off 11% of its workers. You can tell its bad cuz the CEO’s announcement ended w/ the line “Sent from my iPhone.” #FallonMono
Runner-Up: Shark Week Fact #4: Sharks have acute sensors that can detect smell and taste. They also have a powerful gaydar. #sharkfacts
19. Seth Myers – @sethmeyers21
Best Recent Tweet: Moody’s just downgraded US to “Beyond Thunderdome.”
Runner-Up: Well, I think I’ve perfected my Pawlenty impression! Can’t wait for the new season to start!
18. Kristen Schall – @kristenschaaled
Twitter Bio: Comedian, actress, writer.
Best Recent Tweet: Hey Bed Bath & Beyond, don’t call them “throw pillows” then act like I did something wrong in your store.
Runner-Up: To get my voice I eat fairies for breakfast. And Bjork blows into my face all night long.
17. Rainn Wilson – @rainnwilson
Twitter Bio: I am an actor and a writer and I co-created SoulPancake and my son, Walter.
Followers: 2.4 million
Best Recent Tweet: Invention: Sporklift. Machine for picking up large quantities of both liquids & solids.
Runner-Up: I’ve teamed up with @RalphLauren for my new fragrance, ‘Brocciflower.’ Smells of Broccoli, Cauliflower & freedom. And urine.
16. Donald Glover – @DonaldGlover
Twitter Bio: Donald/Childish Gambino.
Best Recent Tweet: The trending topics on twitter always look like the titles to movies in the Blockbuster dollar bin.
Runner-Up: Glad they gave Papa Smurf shades in the “Smurfs” movie poster. It really gets across the “this isn’t your grandma’s Smurfs!” sass I wanted.