It’s the Archer Quote-down!: Malory Archer

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5. “Don’t shoot, please! I just killed a man, and I think my water just broke … so, I could really, really use a drink.”
Sterling Archer really never stood a chance of not being an alcoholic.

4. “But, if did want a grandchild, I’d just scrape all your previous mishaps into a big pile and knit a onesie for it.”
Well. I guess there’s a chance she could be even worse as a grandmother.

3. “So, once again you’re left with the classic Irishman’s dilemma: Do I eat the potato now, or do I let it ferment so I can drink it later?”
Classist, xenophobic, bigoted, and … what else…?

2. “The same entitled crap as always: ‘I can’t make ends meet. I’m on food stamps. My child died because I couldn’t afford new bone marrow.’ Just me, me, me, me, me!”
…Oh, yes: Incredibly selfish, cruel and cheap.

1. “If I cared what you do on the weekend, I’d stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.”
Still, once in a while, she does deign to engage the staff in small talk.