The 60 Best Twitter Accounts of 2013

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We could have kept going and going, listing our favorite people on Twitter. And we’ll continue a series on the Best of Twitter, divided by area of interest. In the meantime, here are 60 folks that will either make you laugh or make you a little bit smarter—often both. About half were on last year’s list and about half are new entries. The kings and queens of brevity, here are 60 Twitter accounts you should be following right now.

meganamram.jpg 30. Megan Amram – @meganamram
Twitter Bio: it’s this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that’s ‘in’ right now. – my mom
Followers: 394k
Best Recent Tweet: By the time he was my age, Lee Harvey Oswald had already shot a PRESIDENT. i haven’t even shot a normal person
Runner-Up: Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
In 140 characters: Comedian Megan Amram used her wonderful Twitter account to land a job writing for Parks and Rec.

nightvale.jpg 29. Night Vale Podcast – @NightValeRadio
Twitter Bio: WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE podcast: community radio for a small desert town. Turn on your radio & hide. New episodes every 1st & 15th.
Followers: 164k
Best Recent Tweet: When you wish upon a star, it’s actually a satellite, and your wish has been recorded & cataloged. An agent is now assigned to your case.
Runner-Up: Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s just the void – vast, empty, and indifferent. We are immeasurably small.
In 140 characters: Most of Nightvale’s tweets start out full of hope before crashing into despair.

jasonisbell.jpeg 28. Jason Isbell – @JasonIsbell
Twitter Bio: Buckets of reign.
Followers: 45k
Best Recent Tweet: I’d like to go ahead and rule out running in 2014. Not for office, just in general.
Runner-Up: Paula Deen’s a racist fool. But y’all with the “of course she’s racist” angle, kiss my ass. I’m from the South. I like butter. I don’t hate.
In 140 characters: Jason Isbell got sober, recorded his best-ever album and continued to rock Twitter.

kum.jpg 27. Kumail Nanjiani – @kumailn
Twitter Bio: Purchase Comedy Central house special, Beta Male, on http://ccdirect.comedycentral.com for $5. Co-host of gaming podcast The Indoor Kids on Nerdist network.
Followers: 187k
Best Recent Tweet: “Pizza is always good.” – everyone
“We’ll see about that.” – Papa John’s
Runner-Up: “These guys are cool. I want to be like them.” – a sociopath after watching Wolf of Wall Street
In 140 characters: Nerdist hogs all the funniest people.

conan.jpg 26. Conan O’Brien – @conanobrien
Twitter Bio: The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Followers: 9.6 million
Best Recent Tweet: Friends are asking about my New Year’s plans, but drinking off-brand gin & browsing http://LaneBryant.com isn’t really something you plan.
Runner-Up: It’s amazing how fast the gift of a Hickory Farms taffy log can be turned into a weapon by an unappreciative wife.
In 140 characters: Team Coco forever!

dadboner.jpg 25. Karl Welzein – @DadBoner
Twitter Bio: Can’t wait for the weekend!
Followers: 149k
Best Recent Tweet: If you’re not gettin’ a deep smooch and goin’ for a big grab of healthy chest beefers at midnight, you shoulda just stayed in, you guys.
Runner-Up: People who think they’re happy cause they got a fancy job gotta remember: Rich or poor, cold beer tastes the same so who cares, you guys.
In 140 characters: A 12-pack of goodness.

johnw.jpg 24. Jon Wurster – @JonWurster
Twitter Bio: Hey, t-shirt, leave those kids alone!
Followers: 36k
Best Recent Tweet: ”’Sweet Jane’ is easy, right?” -all bands playing shows tonight
Runner-Up: Netflix instant but for cake.
In 140 characters: The Best Show may be over but Jon Wurster will always be with us. Or at least for hopefully several more decades.

museumnerd.jpg
23. Museum Nerd – @museumnerd
Twitter Bio: Museums. Art. History. Art History. Education. Museology. Historiography. Logophilia. Punnery. I often post as I explore museum exhibits. I am a museum nerd.
Followers: 154k
Best Recent Tweet: Walt Disney hanging out with Salvador Dalí in Figueras, Spain (1957). pic.twitter.com/2fxNpfJrZs
Runner-Up: A lot of art history is just people saying “This thing looks like this other thing in a way most people don’t notice.” #TBT
In 140 characters: If you’re trapped in front of your computer screen and can’t go museum-hopping, this is the next-best thing.

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22. Kyle Kinane – @kylekinane
Twitter Bio: born-again dipshit
Followers: 97k
Best Recent Tweet: My sister has a smart tv but she’s not home so I guess I’ll be reading magazines by the light of the home screen all afternoon.
Runner-Up: My friends are getting book deals from Twitter and I’m slow dancing with a robot for a case of free salsa. Everything’s just fucking grand.
In 140 characters: Even if he was the one getting punked, his salsa fight was brilliant

thesulk.jpg 21. Alec Sulkin – @thesulk
Twitter Bio: Breaker of Swift Mustache Hairs
Followers: 559k
Best Recent Tweet: I wish my car could put its hands in its pockets and whistle when I drive by a cop.
Runner-Up: Thing. Thing with different instrument. Thing with different instrument. Thing with all instruments. (classical music)
In 140 characters: He’s the voice of Jesus on Family Guy. What more do you need to know?

Arjun.jpg 20. Arjun Basu – @arjunbasu
Twitter Bio: Just a guy. Creating Twisters, 140-character short stories. Author of Squishy (DC Books). Waiting for the Man, will be published by @ecwpress, spring 2014.
Followers: 162k
Best Recent Tweet: I asked her to dance. She thanked me and said she was flattered, but she declined. I had to ask her why. She said, This is a grocery store.
Runner-Up: And then the yelling stopped and we gathered our thoughts and I said, What were we yelling about? and no one remembered. That made us happy.
In 140 characters: I’m constantly amazed by his ability to pull you into a story in 140 characters.

brendanohare.jpg 19. Brendan O’Hare – @brendohare
Twitter Bio: I just started college and it’s whatever and I like comedy things and I am the lead singer of the music band N*Sync.
Followers: 19k
Best Recent Tweet: My missing son’s name is Adam, spelled A as in Applebees, D as in Damn I want Applebees, A as in Applebees & M as in Man I want Applebees
Runner-Up: Another family picnic ruined because dad can’t go 2 seconds without being carried away by an eagle
In 140 characters: O’Hare is too young to be this funny.

classicpics.jpg
18. ClassicPics – @History_Pics
Twitter Bio: THE ORIGINAL ClassicPics tweets historical photos of the good and bad, fun and sad moments from bygone times. #History classicpicstwitter@gmail.com
Followers: 648k
Best Recent Tweet: Ice diver, c. 1930. pic.twitter.com/bEW9952On1
Runner-Up: Pele’s famous bicycle kick at Maracana Stadium in Rio de Janeiro, 1965 pic.twitter.com/4HVYAlYG4P
In 140 characters: Pictures that are worth way more than 140 characters.

jenstatsky.jpg 19. Jen Statsky – @jenstatsky
Twitter Bio: Writer (Parks and Recreation, HBO’s Hello Ladies, Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, The Onion.) Lead singer (Train.)
Followers: 59k
Best Recent Tweet: So crazy that even in 2013, for every dollar a man makes, a woman makes a delicious apple pie.
Runner-Up: checks email checks Twitter checks Facebook checks Instagram looks up at world for 9 seconds repeats for 60-70 years dies
In 140 characters: She makes us laugh with her Parks & Rec writing and with her tweets.

JimGaffigan.jpg
18. Jim Gaffigan – @jimgaffigan
Twitter Bio: Husband to hot wife, father of 5, comedian, actor, writer, former sleeper
DAD IS FAT – Print, digital, audio = everywhere.
Followers: 1.8 M
Best Recent Tweet: The best part of being at the airport before 6am is the knowledge that we all are going to die.
Runner-Up: Wow, congress isn’t taking the end of “Breaking Bad” very well at all.
In 140 characters: He’s funny even without that “Hot Pockets” voice.

MikeBirbiglia.jpg 17. Mike Birbiglia – @birbigs
Twitter Bio: New Album out TODAY!! ... birbigs.com
Followers: 318k
Best Recent Tweet: If we ALL go back to bed, there’s nothing they can do.
Runner-Up: If “k” replaces “ok” forever I’m gonna fucking flip out.
In 140 characters: I imagine Birbiglia is funnier sleepwalking than most comics fully awake.

tavitulle.jpg 15. Tavi Gevinson – @tavitulle
Twitter Bio: Rookie Yearbook Two is on sale now and people seem to like it
Followers: 211k
Best Recent Tweet: larry david on curb your enthusiasm is television’s most accurate portrayal of a teenage girl
Runner-Up: Ugh dad stop trying to order a croissant with a french accent you are literally at a Starbucks in California
In 140 characters: The young editor of RookieMag.com is truly what Hannah Horvath might call a voice of a generation—original and refreshing.

stephenc.png 14. Stephen Colbert – @StephenAtHome
Twitter Bio: ColbertNation.com
Followers: 5.6 million
Best Recent Tweet: New study says exercise boosts creativity, but I’m not convinced. My guitar playing always seems to suffer on the elliptical.
Runner-Up: The FDA is phasing out antibiotics in meat. Which means soon, you can order steak without a prescription.
In 140 characters: Colbert doesn’t tweet very often (and is currently on hiatus—don’t celebrate any major holidays without him), but he makes up for it in quality.

GuyEndore.jpg 13. Guy Endore-Kaiser – @GuyEndoreKaiser
Twitter Bio: The Millers, CBS
Followers: 75k
Best Recent Tweet: Be careful when you’re 12, because if you mention one thing you like, your aunt will give you a book about that every Christmas for life.
Runner-Up: Probably one of the greatest days in rap history was when they discovered bottles rhymes with models.
In 140 characters: TV screenwriter by day, hilarious Tweet writer—also by day, probably, because how much of your day can really be taken up by writing for The Millers?

kenjennings.jpg 12. Ken Jennings – @KenJennings
Twitter Bio: Ken Jennings is the author of four books, most recently Because I Said So! Your grandma loves/hates him because he was on Jeopardy! for a long time.
Followers: 143k
Best Recent Tweet: So sad to think of all those bright-eyed young Reaganites who had no idea they’d someday have to side with either the Russians or the gays.
Runner-Up: Just noticed Hooters has a new logo where the O’s are slightly asymmetrical. I applaud their sense of realism.
In 140 characters: Knowledgable and clever are not the same thing, and it’s really unfair that Jennings has all of both.

sixthformpoet.jpg 11. Sixth Form Poet – @sixthformpoet
Twitter Bio: Please buy my book, I owe people money.
Followers: 121k
Best Recent Tweet: “My bed is half full.” – Lonely optimist
Runner-Up: The real tragedy of Goldilocks And The Three Bears is that Mr and Mrs Bear, a young married couple, already sleep in separate beds.
In 140 characters: The anonymous Brit behind @sixthformpoet has now turned his “deep thoughts and wise words” (like “I think the Rorschach family next door look lovely, but my flatmate thinks they look like church-burning Satanists. Weird.”) into a collected book.

tweetofgod.jpg 10. TheTweetOfGod – @TheTweetOfGod
Twitter Bio: I’m your dope-ass divinity, trollin’ with My trinity, tossin’ mad tweets in your immediate vicinity, flingin’ fly phrases from the fringes of infinity.
Followers: 1.1 M
Best Recent Tweet: My favorite word is “Amen” because when I hear it it means you’re done asking Me for stupid shit.
Runner-Up: Retweet this and you’ll go to heaven. Yes, the standards are now that low.
In 140 characters: The almighty twitter might not be benevolent, but he’s often clever.

dril.jpeg
9. Wint – @dril
Twitter Bio: bullied by officers
Followers: 79k
Best Recent Tweet: if your grave doesnt say “rest in peace” on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war
Runner-Up: i test all my tweets on lab animals and they hate them all. im an embarrassment to BRand Culture
In 140 characters: From clever puns to just plain far-out weirdtwitterness… hooboy.. @dril is simply winning.

patton.jpg 8. Patton Oswalt – @pattonoswalt
Twitter Bio: Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.
Followers: 1.5 million
Best Recent Tweet: Dear strippers: add “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” to your pole routine & watch the “guilt tips” roll in! #GeldofBonus
Runner-Up: My hangover just yelled, “This…is…SPARTA!!!” and kicked the rest of my day into a pit.
In 140 characters: Mr. Oswalt was everywhere this year, but he still carved out plenty of time for Twitter. While he might not have had any high-profile 140-character in-flight fights this year, his list of the best 25 Christmas movies (Kringle Wish III: Blitzen’s Blitz, Eight Angry Reindeer, Naughty List) kept us laughing.

JennyJ.jpg 7. Jenny Johnson – @JennyJohnsonHi5
Twitter Bio: Writer, proud Texan, asshole and owner of 2 dogs. Follow me on Instagram: jennyjohnsonhi5
Followers: 420k
Best Recent Tweet: Anytime a person with a journalism degree writes a story about a celebrity getting bangs, Walter Cronkite punches an angel.
Runner-Up: I bet Jenny gave Forrest Gump a shitload of STDs.
In 140 characters: Unwholesomely hilarious.

Bad_Banana.jpg 6. Tim Siedell – @badbanana
Twitter Bio: Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.
Followers: 679k
Best Recent Tweet: I prefer crushed ice. Hard to enjoy a cool drink when your ice has hopes and dreams.
Runner-Up: Scarlett Johansson is engaged. And just like that I’m fine with bombing Syria. Bomb everywhere. I don’t care anymore.
In 140 characters: It wouldn’t be a Top 10 without Tim Siedell, who was genetically bred somewhere in middle America to teach both coasts what Twitter is for.

dubstep4dad.jpg 5. dubstep4dads – @dubstep4dads
Twitter Bio: give me all the puppies
Followers: 39k
Best Recent Tweet: imagine 40 years from now telling your kids that they dont appreciate “old” music and then putting on “Bouncing On My Dick” by Tyga
Runner-Up: “hey dad, when did they outlaw hyperboles?”
“hmm i dont know son, like a bajillion million years ago? idiot”
cops bust down door
In 140 characters: Putting the •weird* in weird twitter.

viceiship.jpg 4. Vice Is Hip – @vice_is_hip
Twitter Bio: We’re cool because you’re shit (a parody, yeah?)
Followers: 52k
Best Recent Tweet: We pushed Morrissey into quicksand then offered him a rope made of meat to escape, making him sacrifice everything he believes in
Runner-Up: “Please, it’s all I know” – How a depressed Macauley Culkin begged two burglars to break into his house
In 140 characters: The parody account of the year pokes at the gonzo globetrotters of Vice.

RobDelaney.jpg
3. Rob Delaney – @robdelaney
Twitter Bio: Comedian, Writer, 6’3 217 lbs. Buy my book, ROB DELANEY: Mother. Wife. Sister. Human. Warrior. Falcon. Yardstick. Turban. Cabbage: http://www.robdelaney.com
Followers: 990k
Best Recent Tweet: The worst part of all of this is how attracted I am to the Duck Dynasty guy :(
Runner-Up: Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Give a man bagpipes & he’ll be like “WTF? I’m not a Scottish cop” & throw them in a river.
In 140 characters: Not only is he line-crossingly hilarious, but he had the best use of Twitter for marketing purposes this year. A few weeks ago, if you bought his book and sent him an image of the receipt, he promised a personalized filthy tweet to you.

kellyoxford.jpg
2. Kelly Oxford – @kellyoxford
Twitter Bio: I want to be the kind of girl Beyonce would be proud of. New York Times Bestselling Author. Screenwriter. I am your Perestroika.
Followers: 560k
Best Recent Tweet: Just began my annual tradition of getting a roaring fire going, making the fireplace “too hot for Santa,” and worrying the kids.
Runner-Up: “I kept telling Jesus to cut his hair and shave, but no. Now look at him, like a hobo in all these paintings!” – Mary, on her deathbed
In 140 characters: The phrase “mommy blogger” could describe Oxford in the most technical sense, but the Canadian author’s irreverence turns that genre on its head.

fred.jpg
1. Fred Delicious – @fred_delicious
Twitter Bio: favstar.fm/users/fred_delicious
Followers: 52k
Best Recent Tweet: “sir, can i ask why you’re smoking TWO huge blunts?”
“officer, I’m…”
turns to camera
“double jointed”
cop starts breakdancing
Runner-Up: Jesus excitedly runs home from school
“dad, dad! I made the football team”
God peers over his newspaper
“well i made FUCKING EVERYTHING”
In 140 characters: From puns to nonsequiters to too far, Fred Delicious has helped make Weird Twitter one of the best virtual things ever.

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