As proven by an especially tumultuous news year, Twitter can be informative, provocative and even moving—but mostly it’s just a convenient way to waste time. Consequently, almost all of our favorite tweeters in 2014 were folks that kept us entertained, whether it was with obscure Wikipedia facts or their own bizarre humor. You’ll recognize a few of these names from last year’s list, but trust us when we say all 75 of these short-form scribes deserve a follow.
75. Chelsea Peretti – @ChelseaVPeretti
Twitter Bio: One of the greats. Brooklyn Nine Nine, Kroll Show, Louie, Titanic. CAPS AREN’T YELLING THEY R ACTION MOVIE LEVEL INTENSITY TWEETING. Hour special Netflix NOV 14
Best Recent Tweet: What if it turned out Chris Brown was an elaborate Banksy
Runner-Up: I DONT KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED BUT IM SWEATING CAPPUCINOS
74. Desus Nice – @desusnice
Twitter Bio: tweeting shirtless in red lobster eatin on shrimp | 1/2 of #DesusvsMero | http://desusvsmero.com | firstname.lastname@example.org | IG: desusnice
Best Recent Tweet: Grandkids are cool but when you become elderly it’s the number of instagram likes you got that you’ll fondly reminisce on
Runner-Up: If u gotta transport your tree via the subway at rush hour, you should be forced to sit out Christmas this year
73. Ian Karmel – @IanKarmel
Twitter Bio: One of America’s Top 100 Ians. Stand-up comedian. Writer for the Late Late Show with James Corden. Wrote for Chelsea Lately. International Pizza Fiend.
Best Recent Tweet: My five favorite sports:
5) Soccer* (*Basketball)
Runner-Up: I have too much “me time”... Like, I have a tenth favorite Sublime song.
72. jon hendren – @fart
Twitter Bio: internet idiot extraordinaire + @devops thought lord
Best Recent Tweet: smoking one of rob zombie’s dreads cures 3 types of cancer and causes 220 others
Runner-Up: the pope said dogs can be in heaven now so i guess i’m catholic
71. Faces in Things – @FacesPics
Twitter Bio: Admit it, you see a face.
Best Recent Tweet: For the love of God, GET IT OUT! pic.twitter.com/gxyEt1uyaK
Runner-Up: Life can be pretty shocking under the sea pic.twitter.com/O6jMaz6lFz
70. Paul F. Tompkins – @PFTompkins
Twitter Bio: A comedian.
Best Recent Tweet: The holidays are tough for many, but mostly me since a ska version of Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree started playing in this Rite-Aid.
Runner-Up: Hahaha “pardoning” a turkey still funny after all these years of executing humans like it’s Bible times hahaha good one @BarackObama
69. drewtoothpaste – @drewtoothpaste
Twitter Bio: Author of 3 daily sites: Toothpaste For Dinner, Married To The Sea, and The Worst Things For Sale. http://theworstthingsforsale.com Email: email@example.com
Best Recent Tweet: Secret Santa is an American tradition where someone disappoints you at work right before Christmas
Runner-Up: Kid is watching Pokemon but we are Creationist so when a little squirrel “evolves” I yell “GOD MADE IT A BETTER SQUIRREL” over the TV
68. stefan – @boring_as_heck
Twitter Bio: writer, dipshit
Best Recent Tweet: Hi folks, this is your captain speaking. How crazy is it that we’re about to FLY. I still can’t get over it. Wow. How does that even work.
Runner-Up: [grabs a free newspaper at the train station at the end of the day] Ah let’s see what’s in the news, from like 48 hours ago
67. jenny slate – @jenntslate
Twitter Bio: I’m an Animaniac. My instagram is jennyslate. I’m glad to be here and I love tons of stuff.
Best Recent Tweet: Maybe I’m projecting but I think my dogs really love it when I sing “Y’ALL READY FOR DIS? DA DA DA!” and then give them their food.
Runner-Up: LOVIN THE AIRPORT AT THIS TIME OF YEAR! I ALSO LOVE CROWDS OF PANICKING PPL WHO ARE ALL FARTING
66. Conan O’Brien – @conanobrien
Twitter Bio: The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Best Recent Tweet: I had a hunch China had passed America as the #1 economy when they started making all our “America is #1” hats.
Runner-Up: It just hit me: if they are real, we are stepping in piles and piles of ghost dung.
65. The Mountain Goats – @mountain_goats
Twitter Bio: treated as a wight on the cleric/undead matrix
Best Recent Tweet: and the Pulitzer for thinkpieces goes to…us. All of us. Great work everybody we wrote all the helpful thinkpieces about all of the things
Runner-Up: when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s annoying
64. Julie Klausner – @julieklausner
Twitter Bio: Host of HOW WAS YOUR WEEK. TV Writer. @Vulture correspondent. Author of I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR BAND. Natural redhead.
Best Recent Tweet: At a certain point with frozen yogurt toppings, you have to admit to yourself when you’re really just looking to eat wet candy with a spoon.
Runner-Up: If you have a baby or a French bulldog, please remember to dress it up like a COOKED turkey, not a live turkey. Thank you.
63. billy eichner – @billyeichner
Twitter Bio: Emmy nom’d host of BILLY ON THE STREET on FUSE. Full episodes now on Amazon! See clips on http://youtube.com/billyonthestreettv …! Also CRAIG on PARKS & RECREATION!
Best Recent Tweet: Except for that one year someone got hit in the head and died, the Macy’s Parade is actually pretty magical.
Runner-Up: Jesus would’ve loved how much women talked about their big asses this year.
62. Avery Monsen – @averymonsen
Twitter Bio: Author/illustrator of ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD, etc. Writer on BILLY ON THE STREET (S3.) Actor at UCB-NY. Vine person.
Best Recent Tweet: MOVIE PITCH: Jurassic Park, except it’s an island of cloned Jeff Goldblums
Runner-Up: I don’t call them “trolls” or “cyber bullies.” I prefer “DIGIMON: Digital Monsters.”
61. VICE – @Vice_Is_Hip
Twitter Bio: We’re cool because you’re shit
(a parody, yeah?)
Best Recent Tweet: “We ain’t got time to be chatting to no muggles, yo!” – Meet the Mexican drug cartel who believe the Harry Potter films are real
Runner-Up: Why everyone is wrong about everything
60. Ian Bogost – @ibogost
Twitter Bio: @GeorgiaTech Professor, @TheAtlantic Contributing Editor, Author, Game Designer
Best Recent Tweet: Candy Crush Herzog Saga. Why do candies disappear when they match, and where do they go? Into the same abyss as Peggle balls? Nobody knows.
Runner-Up: In the distant future, natural history museums will be flanked by giant recreations of Optimus Prime and Buzz Lightyear instead of T Rex.
59. Joshua Malina – @JoshMalina
Twitter Bio: Hi. I ruined The West Wing.
Best Recent Tweet: My Top Ten Movies of the Year are: I haven’t seen ten movies.
Runner-Up: I have a burning need to be misunderstood.
68. Jim Gaffigan – @JimGaffigan
Twitter Bio: Male Model.
Best Recent Tweet: Watching commercials after Netflix feels like being on detention. “How did I ever do this?”
Runner-Up: THE NEWS IN SUMMARY: Humans are horrible.
57. Rob Kutner – @ApocalypseHow
Twitter Bio: Rob Kutner. Conan/Daily Show writer, co-creator of the new comedy-music album 2776. 80+ stars, 28 tracks, all for one great charity. Buy at smarturl.it./2776
Best Recent Tweet: No one asked Cheney’s opinion on the #TortureReport: He is just magically summoned when anyone says “Torture” three times.
Runner-Up: The History Channel has gotten so horrible, it actually makes me nostalgic for Hitler.
56. Sad Tree – @sad_tree
Twitter Bio: Help
Best Recent Tweet: I’m opening a pizza place that only uses different forms of currency for toppings it’s gonna be called Money Ova Everything it will be bad
Runner-Up: [Future Starbucks where robots are baristas]
O N E L A T T E F O R *fax machine noises*
Actually it’s pronounced *printer noises* but ty
55. kimmy – @arealliveghost
Twitter Bio: I’ll ruin your crops and eat your candy
Best Recent Tweet: scaredy cat? no…I prefer “fear genius”
Runner-Up: do they train forever 21 sales associates to say “welcome to forever” or did this one take the initiative to bum me the fuck out on her own
54. Kumail Nanjiani – @kumailn
Twitter Bio: The Meltdown with Jonah & Kumail premieres July 23rd on Comedy Central! First ep for free here! http://www.cc.com/themeltdown
Best Recent Tweet: When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Runner-Up: It should be news when Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t leave a party with a bunch of models.
53. Mark Leggett – @markleggett
Twitter Bio: You can tell a lot about a person by reading their bio.
Best Recent Tweet: Complaining about things you saw on Facebook is like complaining about getting garbage juice in your mouth after crawling into a dumpster.
Runner-Up: An NHL team needs make their jersey look like a tuxedo so Kevin Smith can have something to wear to film premieres.
52. andy levy – @andylevy
Twitter Bio: this account is followed by jake fogelnest and other celebrities
Best Recent Tweet: “why can’t they protest like mlk” say people who would’ve been pissed off by mlk
Runner-Up: star wars trailer is okay I guess but am I the only one who’s a little disappointed there’s nothing about the taxation of trade routes
51. Sam Grittner – @SamGrittner
Twitter Bio: I am the boat, I am the captain. http://Witstream.com @TonightonGIRLS https://medium.com/@samgrittner http://www.samgrittner.com/category/jokeoftheday/
Best Recent Tweet: Do we even need New Year’s Eve this year? Literally all we’ve done is drop the ball.
Runner-Up: puts finger to earpiece
“What’s that? Oh? You’re sure? Ok… I’m being informed right now that I do not have an earpiece.”
50. Jeff Lyons – @usedwigs
Twitter Bio: Executive Producer of ‘Nephew Swap’
Best Recent Tweet: just got gas for the car #tankful
Runner-Up: Props to the Xfinity repairman on a 24-ft ladder in my yard risking his life so you can receive my solid gold tweets at a blazing fast speed
49. Todd Barry – @toddbarry
Twitter Bio: THE CROWD WORK TOUR special $5 http://louisck.net . Host of @ToddBarryPdcast http://bit.ly/toddbarrypodcast Tour dates http://bit.ly/toddbarrytour
Best Recent Tweet: Listening to “Serial.” Man, prison is rougher than I thought. They can interrupt you in the middle of recording a podcast!
Runner-Up: Just ate at Chipotle near MIT. Without question, the smartest Chipotle location I’ve ever been to.
48. Michael Kupperman – @MKupperman
Twitter Bio: I Say What We’re All Thinking
Best Recent Tweet: Rock’n’Roll is about rebellion and crude, outrageous behavior. this is why ZZ Top sang “Give me all your loving, all your hugs & kisses too”
Runner-Up: The first Christmas took place in a humble cave. The cavemen did not know who Christ was or why they were celebrating.
47. demi adejuyigbe – @electrolemon
george clooney is my close personal friend (@midnight / @gilmoreguysshow / @thep4kreview)
Best Recent Tweet: hey, i’m a horror movie protagonist. my pregnant wife and i are looking for some old-ass real estate in a neighborhood full of singing kids
Runner-Up: happy birthday jesus christ. to celebrate we stapled some large socks above a bunch of burning tree parts and poured chocolate into them
46. Mary Charlene – @iamenidcoleslaw
Twitter Bio: HO HO no
Best Recent Tweet: I wonder what Kristen Stewart is not smiling about right now
Runner-Up: make sure foreplay lasts at least 20 minutes so the fog machine has time to turn your bedroom into a murky fuck swamp
45. Michael Ian Black – @michaelianblack
Twitter Bio: Tony award winning, actress, singer, dancer, dreamer, believer, motivator, workout enthusiast, who loves living in this big city of lights!!
Best Recent Tweet: Having an English Breakfast tea, but guess what? It’s nighttime. I. Do. Not. Give. A. Fuck.
Runner-Up: Going to a Christmas party in an hour, so I will be miserable in an hour and five minutes.
44. rob whisman – @robwhisman
Best Recent Tweet: if youre ever in cincinnati ohio check out this mcdonalds joint. great burgers
Runner-Up: a guy who told me he was in a gang in highschool just unlocked west meadow on farmville
43. eric – @dubstep4dads
Twitter Bio: Contributor @ http://Playboy.com . firstname.lastname@example.org
Best Recent Tweet: My name is Joe Biden, & im here to tell u that READING is a SLAM DUNK [goes up for a dunk off trampoline and his head goes thru the ceiling]
Runner-Up: [Walks into adult section at video store, it’s just thousands of copies of shrek dvds]
Me: oh god oh fuck yes yES
42. joe mande – @joemande
Twitter Bio: the best in the game right now. (almost all my followers are fake. (antarctica is melting.))
Best Recent Tweet: at least racism won’t exist when Antarctica melts and the tides rise and drown us all
Runner-Up: big congrats to my neighbor for all his recent loud fucking
41. Daniel Manitou – @actualperson084
Twitter Bio: I’m just a guy who enjoys riding bicycles, music, and Twitter. Follow me back, lol! dv54MJxV772~ real person not metal ghost in rainbow box
Best Recent Tweet: AFTER 30 STRAIGHT MILES OF ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK, YOUR GPS EXPLAINS THAT IT’S RECALCULATING, ITS VOICE SHIFTING LOWER WITH EACH UTTERANCE
Runner-Up: WHATEVER YOU SPENT TO PARTICIPATE IN BLACK FRIDAY, THAT PART OF YOU IS GONE NOW.
40. Kyle Kinane – @kylekinane
Twitter Bio: The check’s in the mail.
Best Recent Tweet: When it snows, people into Crossfit should shovel their neighbors’ driveways without even asking, like super aggro Mormons.
Runner-Up: I fumbled that pizza order so hard I’ll be lucky if the delivery guy doesn’t show up with a picture of my old boss disappointed with me
39. Damien Fahey – @DamienFahey
Twitter Bio: Writer for Family Guy
Best Recent Tweet: HEY PUMPKINS, LESS THAN A WEEK LEFT UNTIL NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU FOR A YEAR!
Runner-Up: I’ll attend your holiday party if I can spend the entire night alone lying on the bed with all the coats in the room with your dog.
38. Fred Delicious – @Fred_Delicious
Twitter Bio: LE EPIC BACONE
Best Recent Tweet: Hi grandma, hope your hip replacement went ok
Grandma – new bone who dis
Runner-Up: Sir, I just clocked you doing 110 while playing the tamborine. Are you out of your mind? This is accordion country
37. Megan Amram – @meganamram
Twitter Bio: it’s this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that’s ‘in’ right now. – my mom
Best Recent Tweet: Clowns drive those tiny cars to overcompensate for their huge penises
Runner-Up: There’s no way to prove that all murders aren’t just time travelers killing future Hitlers
36. Andy Richter – @andyrichter
Twitter Bio: actor/writer from Midwestern U.S., married to @SarahThyre, father of two
Best Recent Tweet: You never hear a gay person say “I’m out and ashamed” but if someone did they could be on Fox news every day
Runner-Up: Don’t know why “it’s a dog’s life” is a negative thing, because I would love to be able to take a shit on the patio w/o getting yelled at
35. Josh Gondelman – @joshgondelman
Twitter Bio: Not the worst. Web Producer for @LastWeekTonight With John Oliver. Co-author of @SeinfeldToday.
Best Recent Tweet: WHEN IT RAINS: “I wish it were snow instead.”
WHEN IT SNOWS: “Nope. Turns out I hate everything.”
Runner-Up: “Every man’s fantasy is to be with two women…or a vase.” – guy who is attracted to optical illusions
34. Nice Hippo – @nicesthippo
Twitter Bio: http://favstar.fm/users/nicesthippo
Best Recent Tweet: “COME ON YOU PIECE OF CRAP” I yell at my computer, a magic box that can do anything
Runner-Up: Want to play N64?
“I want an ADULT relationship!”
Want to play N64 and make out a little
33. Mike Drucker – @MikeDrucker
Twitter Bio: Writer for the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon. Also a comedian. Previously Late Night, SNL, Nintendo, The Onion, and IGN.
Best Recent Tweet: A video game where everyone’s proud of you and nobody was at the work picnic where you shit yourself
Runner-Up: Iggy Azalea looks like a Street Fighter character and I love that about her.
32. Guy In Your MFA – @GuyInYourMFA
Twitter Bio: Two re-writes away from finishing the great American novel. Maybe about a 20-something in Brooklyn?
Best Recent Tweet: If we go on a date to an art museum, don’t be intimidated by how thoughtfully I nod at each piece.
Runner-Up: You listen to records? You mean those things they sell at Urban Outfitters? Yeah I’m more into vintage cassette tapes.
31. Mallory Ortberg – @mallelis
Twitter Bio: Vera said that?
Best Recent Tweet: If you ever want to connect with a woman watching a crime show, sit down on the other side of the couch & say “I think he did it” knowingly
Runner-Up: I love writing “EXCELSIOR” when I sign people’s books because it’s pretty much “KEEP ON TRUCKIN’” for people who took Latin in high school
30. Patricia Lockwood – @TriciaLockwood
Twitter Bio: hardcore berenstain bare-it-all
Best Recent Tweet: Do u know what I would do if I saw a baby bobcat? Feed it Milk from my Breste, teach it about feminism, ask it to be the drummer in my band
Runner-Up: I don’t care about the dogs that can go to heaven. Let me see the dogs that will go to hell
29. Seinfeld Current Day – @Seinfeld2000
Twitter Bio: Imagen Seinfeld was never canceled and still NBC comedy program today?
Best Recent Tweet: What if Bee Movie out today
They show it in 3D but call it 3 Bee
Its a pun ,bee sound like D
But also theres 3 real bee in every theater
Runner-Up: Hey i just met you
And this is crazy
But what if Jery
Was friends with Jay-z
28. Brian Gaar – @briangaar
Twitter Bio: Writer, comedian, lazy playboy
Best Recent Tweet: Somewhere a World of Warcraft guild is being destroyed by internal politics and that thought gets me through the day
Runner-Up: If you like saying “I’m sorry” and not meaning it, you’ll love dating
27. pourmecoffee – @pourmecoffee
Twitter Bio: Muttering sarcasm to power
Best Recent Tweet: I wonder if senators thought, “When I grow up I want to mostly do nothing, sometimes make things worse, and constantly congratulate myself.”
Runner-Up: Remember, a breaking news story is an invitation to be stupid that you are not obligated to accept.
26. Mat Johnson – @mat_johnson
Twitter Bio: Because it amuses me to say so.
Best Recent Tweet: Every time I have a shitty “free” hotel breakfast, I’m reminded that there are people starving out there, who would hate this breakfast.
Runner-Up: I try to shield my kids from the horrors of the world, but someday they’ll know about the Star Wars prequels.
25. Brendan O’Hare – @brendohare
Twitter Bio: Area boy. https://www.youtube.com/user/brendohare/videos
Best Recent Tweet: Just ONCE I’d like to see someone’s shirt get caught and ripped off by the wheel on Wheel of Fortune, revealing a pro-Jeopardy shirt
Runner-Up: If you are buying that Rudolph’s shitty little nosebulb can light up the entire night sky you’re living in a god damn fantasy world
24. Christmas Brandon – @untresor
Twitter Bio: Favstar
Best Recent Tweet: Being an adult is like watching your favorite toy get run over by a truck everyday and you’re the one driving.
Runner-Up: Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to be here and had to force myself to do it and it took awhile.
23. Froghammer – @froghammer
Twitter Bio: If twitter is anything like real life, all my followers are cats and dogs
Best Recent Tweet: I’m a Cat Lawyer. Am I a lawyer who defends cats, or am I a cat who is a lawyer? That depends on how much you’re paying me
Runner-Up: My favorite food is ingredients
22. Neal Brennan – @nealbrennan
Twitter Bio: The Approval Matrix – August 11th on Sundance TV — Comedy special available here for $5 – http://direct.cc.com . Album on iTunes
Best Recent Tweet: You can get great Black Friday deals everyday if you shoplift.
Runner-Up: I have a real zest for not doing shit.
21. Matty Talks – @mattytalks
Twitter Bio: A Hooker with a Heart of Gold
Best Recent Tweet: Ladies, call me frequent flyer mile rewards because I’m blacked out during the holidays
Runner-Up: Sorry to be political, but to those of you who like cubed ice, have you heard of crushed ice? Open your damn minds
20. PicPedant – @PicPedant
Twitter Bio: Punctilious internet killjoy at the forefront of the New Debunkonomy. Obsessed with attribution & Photoshop. Your pedant: @brownpau.
Best Recent Tweet: It’s fake.
19. Lane Moore – @hellolanemoore
Twitter Bio: Stand-Up Comedian/Writer (The Onion, McSweeney’s), Sex & Relationships Editor @Cosmopolitan.com, Creator of Tinder LIVE! with Lane Moore http://facebook.com/itwasromance
Best Recent Tweet: “wow that’s crazy” = “i havent been listening to anything you’ve said”
Runner-Up: “let it go” —me talking to people obsessed with Let It Go
18. NYT Minus Context – @NYTMinusContext
Twitter Bio: All Tweets Verbatim From New York Times content. Not Affiliated with the New York Times. Follow @NYTPlusContext for context. NYTMinusContext@gmail.com
Best Recent Tweet: It was the mathematical symbols that got me. They got me good
Runner-Up: eating or perhaps just confused
17. lauren ashley bishop – @sbellelauren
Twitter Bio: i’m a comedian from arkansas. i live in LA. but i comede all over. avatar by @nataliedee http://favstar.fm/users/sbellelauren http://weakendupdate.tumblr.com
Best Recent Tweet: if i invented a drive-through pizza place with no eye contact would i be a millionaire tomorrow or would i have to wait a couple of days
Runner-Up: make sure you drink enough coffee to completely defeat the purpose of your anxiety meds!
16. wint – @dril
Twitter Bio: rat with human face given medal by world health organization
Best Recent Tweet: things 90s boys remember: vision of themselves in the future being violently ripped apart by unknown energy. that board game thats in a mall
Runner-Up: im the dumb mother fucker who puts the ice in after the drink and calls the soda fountain a “bastard” when it splashes at me
15. coffee dad – @coffee_dad
Twitter Bio: just a dad who loves his coffee
Best Recent Tweet: ready for #a coffee
Runner-Up: never too late for coffee
14. CF Wiki Club – @coolfreakswiki
Twitter Bio: From phantom time immemorial, Cool Freaks’ Wikipedia Club has been the purveyor of all that is cool and freaky in Wikipedia. Moderated by @DrWho42/@lavoie.
Best Recent Tweet: A male porcupine urinates on a female porcupine prior to mating, spraying the urine at high velocity. http://ow.ly/EfgqU
Runner-Up: One study found that 25% of Irish couples that started a relationship during 2007-2008 had met while smoking outside http://ow.ly/Efggj
13. Joshua Allen – @fireland
Twitter Bio: thighs like whoa
Best Recent Tweet: gotta get healthy [snorts kale dust] [injects soy smoothie between toes] [freebases cauliflower somehow] [dies] well great
Runner-Up: [reads comments] [closes laptop] [walks into volcano] [dies] [becomes ghost] [googles obituary] [reads comments] [howls into endless void]
12. Liana Maeby – @lianamaeby
Twitter Bio: Model/physicist/liar
Best Recent Tweet: Someone has known for 40 years that “You’re So Vain” is about him & he hasn’t told a soul. Which is about the most humble thing imaginable.
Runner-Up: You say rain is God crying, I say it’s Satan’s wet t-shirt contest.
11. Bryan Donaldson – @TheNardvark
Best Recent Tweet: If you squeeze both my barbed wire tattoos at the same time Monster Energy Drink squirts out of my nipples.
Runner-Up: “Here. You do it.” – gift cards
10. Ken Jennings – @kenjennings
Twitter Bio: Jeopardy! fixture of yesteryear. Author of the Junior Genius Guides and a bunch of other stuff. http://ken-jennings.com/books
Best Recent Tweet: 100% of kids who played drums in middle school band are now in jail.
Runner-Up: “I put the pho back in upholstery!” —me spilling pho in your car that one time
9. Michael DeForge – @michael_deforge
Twitter Bio: http://michaeldeforge.wordpress.com/
Best Recent Tweet: hi, i’m interested in fairly tales. but, like, twisted fairly tales, you know? like what if alice from alice in wonderland was a juggalo
Runner-Up: you can only choose one:
- well-paid but resented by your peers
- good skateboarder but two inches tall
- wicked abs but always on fire
8. Mike F – @animaldrumss
Twitter Bio: Im 23, I make stuff with wood and i come up with fun jokes and scenarios. I know most of the states and all of the meals http://www.patreon.com/animaldrums
Best Recent Tweet: “sorry, your other waiter had to leave, i’ll be taking over for him”
Oh word, cool… the uh, the other waiter said our meals would be free.
Runner-Up: augh yeah man. jack motherfuckass daniels. thats the good shit. ive had that brand of whiskey, and let me tell you pal: theres alcohol in it
7. Stephen Colbert – @stephenathome
Best Recent Tweet: Global warming isn’t real because I was cold today! Also great news: World hunger is over because I just ate.
Runner-Up: Just totally dominated a staring contest! I finished in the top two!
6. George Wallace – @MrGeorgeWallace
Twitter Bio: The Official George Wallace Twitter. Trying to serve it up with hot sauce for you. God bless.
Best Recent Tweet: Just sayin’, when the sh** goes down between turtles and doves, turtle doves are gonna have to pick a damn side
Runner-Up: We grew up so poor our Hobbit battles only had four armies.
5. Jake Weisman – @weismanjake
Twitter Bio: Comedian, Diva – Email me at JakeWeismanComedy@Gmail.com
Best Recent Tweet: You can find me in the club, asking everyone I came with if they are ready to leave yet
Runner-Up: Which weighs more: one ton of feathers or the fact that your existence is meaningless
4. ANDREW W.K. – @andrewwk
Twitter Bio: KING OF PARTYING. Hard rocking, Piano smashing, TV hosting, Motivational speaking, Self-help writing, Joy boy. Write to me here: TheKingOfPartying@gmail.com
Best Recent Tweet: PARTY TIP: Do something you’ve been scared of. Ask your crush on a date, quit your job, hold a spider – face a fear NOW!
Runner-Up: PARTY TIP: 93% of all things that make us nervous are things we should do more of.
3. Cohen is a ghost – @skullmandible
Twitter Bio: I love what you’ve done with yourself. Visit my store to discover products
Best Recent Tweet: add up the # of bukowski, brett easton ellis & palahniuk books on his shelf & multiply it by 7 to get the minimum miles away you should live
Runner-Up: “Guess we’ll have to agree to…kissagree,” I say, leaning in
2. Rob Huebel – @robhuebel
Twitter Bio: I give medicinal cocaine to baby animals
Best Recent Tweet: One of my resolutions next year is for you to brush your teeth before you talk to me
Runner-Up: Cyber-Monday is the day that Terminators can have sex with us for free or so my Terminator tells me
1. Bridger Winegar – @bridger_w
Twitter Bio: Here we are on our third date
Best Recent Tweet: As far as sleeping in a bag goes, you really cannot beat a sleeping bag
Runner-Up: Just once I’d like to see a kids’ animated movie initially advertised as “Not Yet Rated” and then end up being a hard NC-17