The 75 Best Twitter Accounts of 2014

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50. Jeff Lyons – @usedwigs
Twitter Bio: Executive Producer of ‘Nephew Swap’
Followers: 7,316
Best Recent Tweet: just got gas for the car #tankful
Runner-Up: Props to the Xfinity repairman on a 24-ft ladder in my yard risking his life so you can receive my solid gold tweets at a blazing fast speed

49. Todd Barry – @toddbarry
Twitter Bio: THE CROWD WORK TOUR special $5 http://louisck.net . Host of @ToddBarryPdcast http://bit.ly/toddbarrypodcast Tour dates http://bit.ly/toddbarrytour
Followers: 253K
Best Recent Tweet: Listening to “Serial.” Man, prison is rougher than I thought. They can interrupt you in the middle of recording a podcast!
Runner-Up: Just ate at Chipotle near MIT. Without question, the smartest Chipotle location I’ve ever been to.

48. Michael Kupperman – @MKupperman
Twitter Bio: I Say What We’re All Thinking
Followers: 18.6K
Best Recent Tweet: Rock’n’Roll is about rebellion and crude, outrageous behavior. this is why ZZ Top sang “Give me all your loving, all your hugs & kisses too”
Runner-Up: The first Christmas took place in a humble cave. The cavemen did not know who Christ was or why they were celebrating.

47. demi adejuyigbe – @electrolemon
Twitter Bio:   george clooney  is my close personal friend (@midnight / @gilmoreguysshow / @thep4kreview)
Followers: 38.4K
Best Recent Tweet: hey, i’m a horror movie protagonist. my pregnant wife and i are looking for some old-ass real estate in a neighborhood full of singing kids
Runner-Up: happy birthday jesus christ. to celebrate we stapled some large socks above a bunch of burning tree parts and poured chocolate into them

46. Mary Charlene – @iamenidcoleslaw
Twitter Bio: HO HO no
Followers: 172K
Best Recent Tweet: I wonder what Kristen Stewart is not smiling about right now
Runner-Up: make sure foreplay lasts at least 20 minutes so the fog machine has time to turn your bedroom into a murky fuck swamp

45. Michael Ian Black – @michaelianblack
Twitter Bio: Tony award winning, actress, singer, dancer, dreamer, believer, motivator, workout enthusiast, who loves living in this big city of lights!!
Followers: 1.94M
Best Recent Tweet: Having an English Breakfast tea, but guess what? It’s nighttime. I. Do. Not. Give. A. Fuck.
Runner-Up: Going to a Christmas party in an hour, so I will be miserable in an hour and five minutes.

44. rob whisman – @robwhisman
Followers: 21.2K
Best Recent Tweet: if youre ever in cincinnati ohio check out this mcdonalds joint. great burgers
Runner-Up: a guy who told me he was in a gang in highschool just unlocked west meadow on farmville

43. eric – @dubstep4dads
Twitter Bio: Contributor @ http://Playboy.com . ecurtin23@gmail.com
Followers: 63.8K
Best Recent Tweet: My name is Joe Biden, & im here to tell u that READING is a SLAM DUNK [goes up for a dunk off trampoline and his head goes thru the ceiling]
Runner-Up: [Walks into adult section at video store, it’s just thousands of copies of shrek dvds]
Me: oh god oh fuck yes yES

42. joe mande – @joemande
Twitter Bio: the best in the game right now. (almost all my followers are fake. (antarctica is melting.))
Followers: 997K
Best Recent Tweet: at least racism won’t exist when Antarctica melts and the tides rise and drown us all
Runner-Up: big congrats to my neighbor for all his recent loud fucking

41. Daniel Manitou – @actualperson084
Twitter Bio: I’m just a guy who enjoys riding bicycles, music, and Twitter. Follow me back, lol! dv54MJxV772~ real person not metal ghost in rainbow box
Followers: 16.1K
Best Recent Tweet: AFTER 30 STRAIGHT MILES OF ABANDONED AMUSEMENT PARK, YOUR GPS EXPLAINS THAT IT’S RECALCULATING, ITS VOICE SHIFTING LOWER WITH EACH UTTERANCE
Runner-Up: WHATEVER YOU SPENT TO PARTICIPATE IN BLACK FRIDAY, THAT PART OF YOU IS GONE NOW.

NO REFUNDS.

>40. Kyle Kinane – @kylekinane
Twitter Bio: The check’s in the mail.
Followers: 126K
Best Recent Tweet: When it snows, people into Crossfit should shovel their neighbors’ driveways without even asking, like super aggro Mormons.
Runner-Up: I fumbled that pizza order so hard I’ll be lucky if the delivery guy doesn’t show up with a picture of my old boss disappointed with me

39. Damien Fahey – @DamienFahey
Twitter Bio: Writer for Family Guy 
Followers: 174K
Best Recent Tweet: HEY PUMPKINS, LESS THAN A WEEK LEFT UNTIL NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU FOR A YEAR!
Runner-Up: I’ll attend your holiday party if I can spend the entire night alone lying on the bed with all the coats in the room with your dog.

38. Fred Delicious – @Fred_Delicious
Twitter Bio: LE EPIC BACONE
Followers: 83.3K
Best Recent Tweet: Hi grandma, hope your hip replacement went ok
Grandma – new bone who dis
Runner-Up: Sir, I just clocked you doing 110 while playing the tamborine. Are you out of your mind? This is accordion country

37. Megan Amram – @meganamram
Twitter Bio: it’s this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that’s ‘in’ right now. – my mom
Followers: 451K
Best Recent Tweet: Clowns drive those tiny cars to overcompensate for their huge penises
Runner-Up: There’s no way to prove that all murders aren’t just time travelers killing future Hitlers

36. Andy Richter – @andyrichter
Twitter Bio: actor/writer from Midwestern U.S., married to @SarahThyre, father of two
Followers: 640K
Best Recent Tweet: You never hear a gay person say “I’m out and ashamed” but if someone did they could be on Fox news every day
Runner-Up: Don’t know why “it’s a dog’s life” is a negative thing, because I would love to be able to take a shit on the patio w/o getting yelled at

35. Josh Gondelman – @joshgondelman
Twitter Bio: Not the worst. Web Producer for @LastWeekTonight With John Oliver. Co-author of @SeinfeldToday.
Followers: 42K
Best Recent Tweet: WHEN IT RAINS: “I wish it were snow instead.”
WHEN IT SNOWS: “Nope. Turns out I hate everything.”
Runner-Up: “Every man’s fantasy is to be with two women…or a vase.” – guy who is attracted to optical illusions

34. Nice Hippo – @nicesthippo
Twitter Bio: http://favstar.fm/users/nicesthippo
Followers: 26K
Best Recent Tweet: “COME ON YOU PIECE OF CRAP” I yell at my computer, a magic box that can do anything
Runner-Up: Want to play N64?
“I want an ADULT relationship!”
...
Want to play N64 and make out a little

33. Mike Drucker – @MikeDrucker
Twitter Bio: Writer for the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon. Also a comedian. Previously Late Night, SNL, Nintendo, The Onion, and IGN.
Followers: 59.5K
Best Recent Tweet: A video game where everyone’s proud of you and nobody was at the work picnic where you shit yourself
Runner-Up: Iggy Azalea looks like a Street Fighter character and I love that about her.

32. Guy In Your MFA – @GuyInYourMFA
Twitter Bio: Two re-writes away from finishing the great American novel. Maybe about a 20-something in Brooklyn?
Followers: 26.7K
Best Recent Tweet: If we go on a date to an art museum, don’t be intimidated by how thoughtfully I nod at each piece.
Runner-Up: You listen to records? You mean those things they sell at Urban Outfitters? Yeah I’m more into vintage cassette tapes.

31. Mallory Ortberg – @mallelis
Twitter Bio: Vera said that?
Followers: 39.3K
Best Recent Tweet: If you ever want to connect with a woman watching a crime show, sit down on the other side of the couch & say “I think he did it” knowingly
Runner-Up: I love writing “EXCELSIOR” when I sign people’s books because it’s pretty much “KEEP ON TRUCKIN’” for people who took Latin in high school

30. Patricia Lockwood – @TriciaLockwood
Twitter Bio: hardcore berenstain bare-it-all
Followers: 49.4K
Best Recent Tweet: Do u know what I would do if I saw a baby bobcat? Feed it Milk from my Breste, teach it about feminism, ask it to be the drummer in my band
Runner-Up: I don’t care about the dogs that can go to heaven. Let me see the dogs that will go to hell

>29. Seinfeld Current Day – @Seinfeld2000
Twitter Bio: Imagen Seinfeld was never canceled and still NBC comedy program today?
Followers: 64.7K
Best Recent Tweet: What if Bee Movie out today

They show it in 3D but call it 3 Bee

Its a pun ,bee sound like D

But also theres 3 real bee in every theater
Runner-Up: Hey i just met you
And this is crazy
But what if Jery
Was friends with Jay-z 

28. Brian Gaar – @briangaar
Twitter Bio: Writer, comedian, lazy playboy
Followers: 79.2K
Best Recent Tweet: Somewhere a World of Warcraft guild is being destroyed by internal politics and that thought gets me through the day
Runner-Up: If you like saying “I’m sorry” and not meaning it, you’ll love dating

27. pourmecoffee – @pourmecoffee
Twitter Bio: Muttering sarcasm to power
Followers: 191K
Best Recent Tweet: I wonder if senators thought, “When I grow up I want to mostly do nothing, sometimes make things worse, and constantly congratulate myself.”
Runner-Up: Remember, a breaking news story is an invitation to be stupid that you are not obligated to accept.

26. Mat Johnson – @mat_johnson
Twitter Bio: Because it amuses me to say so.
Followers: 62.9K
Best Recent Tweet: Every time I have a shitty “free” hotel breakfast, I’m reminded that there are people starving out there, who would hate this breakfast.
Runner-Up: I try to shield my kids from the horrors of the world, but someday they’ll know about the Star Wars prequels.

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