That most meaningless of all awards shows, the Grammys, happened again for some reason tonight, in the wake of recent allegations of sexual harassment against a former board member and corruption within the voting committees. What a bombshell—that the Grammys, the major awards show that most nakedly rewards popularity and commercial success over quality, and that’s part of one of the most legendarily corrupt industries in entertainment, might be a little shady. These things make the MTV Movie Awards look like the Nobel Prize, and pretty much are only good for getting made fun of. Even then, the very meager mental labor it takes to pay attention to these things long enough to dunk on them is an absolutely waste of everybody’s time.
Since the Grammys mean less than nothing, let’s finish up this intro by talking about something that is important: Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson, the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express. The nine-time NWA World Tag Team champions are still rockin’ away the night within wrestling rings throughout the world, including at a show I went to in Atlanta earlier today. Not only are they keeping the eternal flame of rock ‘n’ roll burning as bright as ever, but Ricky Morton is probably the only 60-something man to have ever delivered a Canadian Destroyer on a much larger, much younger opponent. Sure, Robert Gibson doesn’t really do much beyond standing on the apron these days, but that was always kind of his job, anyway. Maybe the Grammys would have at least a bit of credibility if it booked the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express some day. I mean, if Aerosmith still gets a multi-song set at the awards show, why the hell not? And even at their advanced age, one last match between the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express and the Midnight Express (even with Beautiful Bobby’s terrible health problems) would be more enjoyable than whatever happened on CBS tonight.
Anyway. Here are some tweets. They’re good. Follow the people who wrote ‘em. Give them your attention. They deserve it after having to spend however many hours watching the Grammys tonight.
Hi welcome to the Grammy’s. We’re gonna take High High Hopes out back and shoot it in the head
— Jake Flores (@feraljokes) January 27, 2020
Look, my wife is a very cool and hip person, but she’s also the person who just asked, while watching a new performer at the Grammys; ‘oh, is that meat dog?’
— chris o’dowd (@BigBoyler) January 27, 2020
why does everyone look like a new Batman villain pic.twitter.com/MheehTuAyw
— Marc (@MarcSnetiker) January 27, 2020
Me: I hate drama
Also me when there’s drama: pic.twitter.com/sCyKFgnzZK
— Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) January 27, 2020
The Grammys are a little too “out there” for me
— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) January 27, 2020
I see the same 20 people every award show tweeting about how that show is terrible, every single year, for as long as I’ve been on Twitter, and it’s beautiful.
— JDate Redick (@IanKarmel) January 27, 2020
drug-wise, I mostly just smoke weed (what with my fragile disposition & all) but I’d inject Bonnie Raitt right between my toes if science allowed.
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) January 27, 2020
when i find out who i thought was an enemy dislikes the same things as me pic.twitter.com/1rWdiN0Xue
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 27, 2020
Mainstream country acts all look so weird. Like Swedish coke heads or Hunger Games extras
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 27, 2020
DON’T mess with ME
I may look like I have
AN ACHY BREAKY HEART
but I
KICK ASS
with my KOREAN FRIENDS
and I love
GLITTER COWBOYS
I’m a
VIRGO and a LAKERS FAN pic.twitter.com/kx74xFIxPT— Ally Millar (@allyzay) January 27, 2020
There’s a crazy bat mitvah on cbs right now
— h. jon benjamin (@HJBenjamin) January 27, 2020
When you open your eyes during prayer at church and make eye contact with the other people who also think this is bullshit pic.twitter.com/cIukHZ5YG7
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) January 27, 2020
Billie Eilish has more #GRAMMYs than years on this earth.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) January 27, 2020
The Tennessee Titans paid tribute to David Berman and the Grammys did not and honestly that feels right
— David Malitz (@malitzd) January 27, 2020
Aerosmith is performing tonight because they’re up for the prestigious “Band Your Dad Is Most Likely To Turn Up Three Volume Clicks When They Come On The Radio” Grammy.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) January 27, 2020
“Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station.” pic.twitter.com/v3WBjTJwXP
— ben schwartz (@benschwartz_) January 27, 2020
Bonnie Raitt is actually French for “good rat”
— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) January 27, 2020
Grammys eh…would b much more excited if it were the Grampys Because mine has passed on and it would be great to “watch” him again! Would be quite an “award”ing experience. #
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) January 27, 2020
My favorite moment of the Grammys was when Chappelle (not in attendance) won best Comedy Album. So his award was accepted by some old white lady who misprounounced his name and looks like Paula Dean.#GRAMMYs
— Kevin Bartini (@KevinBartini) January 27, 2020
Me, showing up to the 3rd grade knowing I can read at a college level. pic.twitter.com/VnN2ODkGrJ
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) January 27, 2020
Bonnie Raitt’s age is Bonnie Raitt. She turned Bonnie Raitt around 1977 and celebrates her Bonnie Raitth birthday once a year.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) January 27, 2020
Music itself deserves an award, in my opinion. Good job on the cool sounds, music!
— donni saphire (@donni) January 27, 2020
God bless, it’s 2020 and Steven Tyler is still out here looking like Carly Simon’s Chris Gaines.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) January 27, 2020
Me when I’m wearing my wide brimmed blue hat with mechanical window blinds that open around my face. https://t.co/7M4dpaFu44
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) January 27, 2020