8.0

Review: “William Tell/Grant A Wish/Rowboat” (2.06)

Comedy Reviews
Review: “William Tell/Grant A Wish/Rowboat” (2.06)

The more one watches Review, and the more one thinks about it, it becomes clear just how defined Forrest McNeil is by his myopia. He doesn’t just insist that his work has value. He doesn’t just barely register how much he’s hurting other people. He also doesn’t realize that his first idea doesn’t have to be his only idea. Take, for example, when he was tasked with reviewing blackmailing. He honed right in on his girlfriend, and refused to budge. It could have been anybody, but the first idea was the one he went with, and it cost him. It ended up costing him even more in “William Tell/Grant A Wish/Rowboat.”

The first review is perhaps the most bizarre task for Forrest yet, as he is asked to “do a William Tell.” This means, of course, shooting an apple off his son’s head with an arrow. Forrest doesn’t know how to use a bow and arrow, so he heads off to the woods with his intern Josh and Josh’s girlfriend Tina to practice. This was the first time Tina has ever been all that funny, so much so that it seemed worthwhile to look her character’s name up for this review.

It’s funny watching Forrest try and zip some arrows with strings and freak out at the potential of killing his son. It’s even funnier when he goes to a foster care center after thinking, for just a moment, he might adopt a kid for the task at hand. However, that manages to be even too much for Forrest, who calls himself a monster, a rare moment of true self-reflection. Then, it reaches even higher levels of greatness when Forrest realizes he only needs to be a part of the scenario, not the shooter, leading him to ask his dad to shoot an apple off his head.

Forrest then proceeds to get shot with two arrows in the shoulder. Crazy acts of absurd violence has had its place in humor for years. People get hurt due to their stupidity all the time. That doesn’t mean this isn’t very funny. Forrest’s dad’s last shot hits Lucille, who was calling an ambulance for Forrest. This is one of the best reviews the show has ever done. Forrest wears an arm sling the rest of the episode.

It’s segment two where Forrest’s one-track mind gets to him. He’s asked what it’s like to grant a wish. As his son is having a birthday, this seems the perfect opportunity for him to make this one of his best reviews ever. Alas, when he heads to Suzanne’s house in San Francisco, who is there but Joe Dale Jr., the baseball man who was part of Forrest’s catfishing scheme. He’s now dating Suzanne, much to Forrest’s disdain. Dale is a cad who was looking to do it with a “MILF,” but there’s added irony in every voiceover from Forrest about what a bad guy Joe is. After all, it’s his own awfulness that drove Suzanne away.

It’s also his awfulness which will keep her away. Forrest’s son’s wish is for him and his mom to move in with Joe in LA. Forrest just wanted to build him a go-cart. This scenario is horrifying to Forrest. He could find somebody else, anybody else, to grant a wish for. However, his mind is made up, so he’s going to make sure his ex-wife whom he still loves moves in with a new man. It clearly kills him, and that’s what makes it so darkly comedic. Also, getting his ex-wife and child back in LA is convenient for story purposes. Also, Forrest’s dad moves in with them as well. Joe Dale Jr. might be the newest villain of Review, but the truest villain is Forrest himself.

Fortunately, Forrest can soothe his jangled nerves and profound sadness with his next review topic, being alone in a rowboat. Then, due to a double dose of painkillers, he ends up asleep and adrift at sea. He realizes fish don’t eat wallets. The camera goes out, and when it comes back, it’s been months, and Forrest is delirious, bearded, and living in the Pacific Ocean’s floating trash barge. Now this, THIS is the most out there, ambitious thing the show has done. And this is a show that, earlier in the same episode, had its lead character shot by arrows, and shot multiple other times in the season two premiere.

On the other hand, it’s really out there, probably too much so. Forrest spent months on a rowboat in the middle of the ocean. It’s untethered from reality. Is it funny? Sure, but the overall shape of it makes it a little less enjoyable than the rest of the episode. That being said, when Forrest bows in thanks to his Japanese whaler saviors, A.J. bows a bit too, and it’s great.

This was heading toward being an all-time Review episode after the first two segments. The third, as bold and nuts as it was, knocked it down a notch to being a merely very good episode. By the way, Forrest gave William Tell two stars, and then gave both granting a wish and being alone in a rowboat a mere half-star. Even though, empirically, those two things should be better, Forrest is only thinking of his two terrible experiences that he brought upon himself. That’s myopia for you.

Chris Morgan is not the author of THE book on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but he is the author of A book on Mystery Science Theater 3000. He’s also on Twitter.

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