The best way to watch the Super Bowl is by reading tweets. Because that way you don’t actually have to watch the Super Bowl.
I’ve got nothing against football. Obviously I don’t, I’m Southern. But the Super Bowl is usually such a bust, and the thought of sitting through yet another Tom Brady win was sickening. So instead of watching the game I just periodically looked at my phone to see what people were saying about it. Today I woke up and realized I had liked enough tweets about the game to fill out a tweet gallery, and so here we are: with a (not that) comprehensive collection of the funniest (to me) tweets about this year’s football game.
Cool.
Check out all of those tweets below, and follow all the smart, funny, respectable people who wrote ‘em.
Every year I watch the Super Bowl and explain to my kids what network TV is.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) February 7, 2021
Sad to say that due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the Super Bowl players won’t be starting the game the traditional way, taking turns spitting on the ball and rubbing it in each other’s mouths and eyes
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) February 7, 2021
Instead of military jets at the Super Bowl, they should just do a flyover with a crop duster full of Pfizer juice.
— Jarrett Bellini (@JarrettBellini) February 7, 2021
summarizing the super bowl for my best friend by saying “it’s basically about these two groups of adults that are like OBSESSED with this ONE ball”
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) February 7, 2021
[me, watching you hunker down for a few hours of TV coverage of the Super Bowl as I continue to amass resources in preparation for Disney+ to re-release all 5 seasons of The Muppet Show] that’s cute
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) February 7, 2021
On Super Bowl Sunday the average American consumes the number of calories Tom Brady eats in 3 years.
— Eric Stangel (@EricStangel) February 7, 2021
I thought the back of the Chiefs quarterback’s jersey said “Madness” and I was very excited for a few seconds. #SuperBowl
— Jon Wurster (@jonwurster) February 7, 2021
This Super Bowl looks like if on the Truman Show, they had a storyline where Jim Carrey won tickets to the big game and this is the tiny football stadium set they built on the island to fool him
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) February 7, 2021
That flag has fringe, this Super Bowl is being played under maritime law.
— Aaron (@BobbyBigWheel) February 7, 2021
Seven Super Bowl appearances in my fam’. Steve Wallace three times with the Niners. Amani Toomer twice with the Giants. Bobby Hamilton twice with the Patriots. I went to half of one football practice in high school and I was like, “Oh HELL no!” pic.twitter.com/kqYqO5Gdia
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) February 7, 2021
the football part of super bowl: necessary?
— Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) February 7, 2021
Watching the Super Bowl commercials to see who has the worst agent.
— Jordan Klepper (@jordanklepper) February 7, 2021
reminder this super bowl is in tribute to L.V. who sung the hook on coolio’s gangsta’s paradise
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) February 8, 2021
The Super Bowl is a competition to see who can wear a mask in the dumbest possible way. pic.twitter.com/s8eJtSod6R
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) February 8, 2021
When I’m 43, I hope I’m doing something better than playing in the #SuperBowl. Kinda pathetic.
— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) February 8, 2021
I want to start a harmless disinformation campaign. This year’s Super Bowl was computer generated (like a very sophisticated video game) and the outcome was determined by dueling AI’s. Tom Brady is a clone. Etc
— Erin accountability, then unity Ryan (@morninggloria) February 8, 2021
A lot of people don’t know this, but if Tom Brady doesn’t win a Super Bowl every 5 years, he immediately ages into a skeleton like the guy at the end of Indiana Jones
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) February 8, 2021
I hope this is the last year we ever have to watch a super bowl without slime cannons
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) February 8, 2021
These super bowl commercials proving everyone has been out of work for a year#SuperBowl
— Brooke Van Poppelen (@BVPcomedy) February 8, 2021
I’m not actually watching the Super Bowl so every sponsored tweet appears to be the most upsetting image from a 30 million dollar commercial from another dimension.
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) February 8, 2021
SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL 2021: Racism is a disease of the soul. We at Arby’s can do better
SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL 1990s: Twins are hot because there’s two of em— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) February 8, 2021
Amazing that Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski retired, moved down to Florida, and still managed to win a Super Bowl.
— BSW (@BrandonEsWolf) February 8, 2021
good call going with a football on the super bowl trophy. these guys are gonna love that
— slick (@dlicj) February 8, 2021
Can’t believe Tom Brady’s son has kissed more 7-time Super Bowl winners than me
— eli yudin (@eliyudin) February 8, 2021
Just thought of one for that video of The Weeknd looking confused in the hallway during the Super Bowl thing – “Me on Monday morning before I’ve had my coffee.” Thanks everyone, can’t find the video right now but you know the one I mean
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) February 8, 2021
me when I’m popular Canadian musician The Weeknd and i’m performing at the Super Bowl halftime show pic.twitter.com/copwX7UOhy
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) February 8, 2021
How could he be the Super Bowl GOAT if I wake up each day thinking about this? pic.twitter.com/dzjSXuiiMH
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) February 8, 2021
Hey, the super bowl is over. Let’s move the fuck on.
— Matt Dwyer (@Matt_Dwyer) February 8, 2021