I had some cold/flu hybrid last week, and as a result got super into the works of Paul Verhoeven. I made the mistake of tweeting about it, and was immediately inundated with replies and messages about how he’s a “master of satire” and “smarter than he seems” and “actually quite prescient,” including a few from Paste’s own Brock Wilbur. It’s weird how you can watch something to try and escape the current cultural climate, but social media does everything it can to pull you back in. Anyway, on a completely unrelated note, here are last week’s funniest Tweets about the current cultural climate.
i think it’s time i give cats another chance. if any cats are reading this i just wanna say sorry for wanting to send u all to the military (even tho i still think it’s a good idea since u all have 9 lives) and i’m willing to start over if u are
— James (@CaucasianJames) October 8, 2018
Future liberal arts major https://t.co/AHKdNWzSND
— Martiñ Urbano (@MartinUrbano) October 5, 2018
As a stand-up comedian anytime a new joke doesn’t work I go back and re-write it and spend some time researching how to get a forklift license.
— Chris Estrada (@ChrisEstrada85) October 13, 2018
“Internalized misogyny” is the feeling u get when you see a hot girl playing a comedy song on a ukulele
— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) October 9, 2018
When you lose the Funko Pops in the divorce. pic.twitter.com/jU5oRKlRcf
— Teacher showing South Park clips in class (@viperwave) October 13, 2018
[2068 AD]
DAD: son last night your grandmother was canceled
SON: nana took an L???
DAD: click hear to pay $4.99 to view funeral without ads— everett byram (@rad_milk) October 15, 2018
Would like to see an edit of Mrs. Doubtfire where the first time Sally Field opens the door to Mrs. Doubtfire she takes one look and says “Daniel! What in the world?” Then the end credits roll.
— Martha Kelly (@MarthaKelly3) October 14, 2018
tinder but for finding someone who will fix my life while I lie down for a bit
— Caitlin (@caithuls) October 10, 2018
Don’t understand the hype around Harry Potter. So he was a baby that didn’t die? That’s cool I guess. Lots of babies don’t die
— Jules (@Julian_Epp) October 12, 2018
tryna keep up with school, work, pay bills, avoid pregnancy, topple the patriarchy, find a cute fall sweater, befriend the squirrels, reduce my ecological footprint, clean my car, eat salads, AND vote? festive lattes ain’t gonna cut it this fall I need a pumpkin spice cocaine
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) October 8, 2018
Happy National Coming Out Day! It Gets Better. pic.twitter.com/kNf0bZdoEM
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 11, 2018
You have to hand it to Tate’s they are absolutely dominating the loud dry cookie market
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) October 10, 2018
me: what your biggest fear?
date: oh i’m incredibly arachnophobic
me: [under breath] you don’t want spiders to get married?
— viking! (@NOTVIKING) October 12, 2018
We literally photoshop a picture of Michael Jordan’s most heartfelt moment to represent any and all failure; but yeah bitch, make this about you. pic.twitter.com/lRz2FVQ2T6
— Langston Kerman (@LangstonKerman) October 11, 2018
How do you not know your spouse is cheating? Literally all me and my girlfriend do is get high and eat chipotle. Its simple, if she’s not at chipotle she’s cheating on me
— Bob Payne (@readyforpayne) October 11, 2018
I put a piece of tape over my eyes when i jerk it so even if God hacks into my eyeballs he won’t see shit
— Joe tullar (@joetullar123456) October 10, 2018
AHHH SOUP
THE DEPRESSION BEVERAGE
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) October 11, 2018
In a climate crisis like this I think it’s so irresponsible that people keep having corporations.
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) October 12, 2018
I’d like for the final nail in American cheese’s coffin to be the fact that my father and brother used to take two slices of it, slather peanut butter between them and call that unholy union “a daddy sandwich,” you tell ME which part of that truth nugget is the most disturbing
— Dale (@DaleNeuringer) October 15, 2018
I’ve finally reached the point that every man arrives at eventually, where he’s unable to figure out how to use literally any printer.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 11, 2018
I only masturbate mentally. My thoughts are so intricate that they can make me cum & I love that. I don’t believe in physical masturbation
— jovan (@ehjovandied) October 14, 2018