Rest in Peace, Super Deluxe—you were too pure and good and weird for this stupid, branded hellscape of a world. You’ve weathered a similar storm before though, and I have no doubt we haven’t seen the last of you. I’ve been trying to work for you since I moved to Los Angeles, mostly because I wanted to be friends with Tabasko Sweet and Fat Tony. We’d have made a cool trio of best ass friends—Tony would be the Vince, Tabasko the Turtle, and I’d be a hybrid E/Drama. If anyone has an in, let me know. Regardless, here are my favorite Tweets of the last week.
death oh you mean the big log off
— (@urvillageidiot) October 18, 2018
Modern RPGs are true to life in that “cooking” as a skill tree seems like it would help a lot but then it just wastes your whole night and somehow ends up costing you money and you get could have just bought all this shit
— Halloween Flores (@feraljokes) October 22, 2018
the apartment on the listing vs the apartment they show you pic.twitter.com/iPcMommg3K
— jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) October 17, 2018
Andy Rooney would have been 99 years 9 months and 2 days old today pic.twitter.com/eGuL7J69HO
— Conner O’Malley (@conner_omalley) October 17, 2018
What’s up r/relationships. So here’s the deal I gave my girlfriend the 2nd toothbrush in a 2 pack when she stayed over last night and she refuses to pay me $1.37 (half the price of the 2 pack ROUNDED DOWN). Should i key her car
— Joe tullar (@joetullar123456) October 19, 2018
Tinder = meet at $16 cocktail place, get fingered beneath industrial lighting
Bumble = cramped coffee shop before 10 am, side hug that leaves your shirt damp from his sweat
OkCupid = Buffalo Wild Wings, make out against car in parking lot of Home Goods
— Babs Gray (@BabsGray) October 18, 2018
HOLY SHIT! pic.twitter.com/8iMQx4WGUJ
— ALASKAN TUSH PEOPLE (@AlaskanTush) October 21, 2018
I opened my front door and saw a coyote in the yard and said “Oh, sorry” and closed the door like I’d walked in on an unlocked bathroom stall.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 20, 2018
Republicans are just doing “Stop hitting yourself” to Democrats and Democrats are like “It was him hitting me, and these kind of mistruths represent a sad decline in the bipartisan spirit in the chamber. I will only be giving them a few more chances”
— jack allison (@jackallisonLOL) October 18, 2018
jus found out the B in lgtbq+ stands for Bisexual & not Bible … losing hope in humanity .. but i still feel safe knowing the L stands for Lord .. the G .. for God .. the T for The catholic church .. and the Q for Quality time praying
— duunk (@duunk) October 18, 2018
— droolz (@babyIoser) October 19, 2018
this is how I imagine Shark Boy and Lava Girl would flex https://t.co/ojJ4nitvrr
— trick or keeks (@oopskiana) October 17, 2018
it will never cease to amaze me that this is the same guy who wrote fresh prince of bel air. it’s like if nas released illmatic then followed it up with an album of hoobastank acoustic covers https://t.co/dMYVGK8M9f
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) October 21, 2018
hmmm just realized “joe budden” is an actual person and not an impression of sam elliot talking about his favorite vice president
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) October 17, 2018
a robot sits quietly at his desk, head in his hands, worrying about finances and the chaos of the world. “sentience is a curse,” he murmurs as he slowly unfolds a paperclip and presses reset.
— madds (@whatmaddness) October 14, 2018
Guy I dated sophomore year made me listen to WTF w/Marc Maron with him and if I laughed he’d be like “shh” but if I didn’t he’d be like “it’s funny why aren’t u laughing” so I’d sit there for an hour w/a frozen smile on my face listening to Marc play guitar&talk about his cats
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) October 19, 2018
The on-line reviews for my local Pinkberry are mixed at best. pic.twitter.com/zlLh96Dwwx
— Gabe Delahaye (@gabedelahaye) October 17, 2018
COMPANYS LIE TO YOU, SO DONT FORGET TO LIE TO THEM -DASHAREZ0NE.COM ADMIN pic.twitter.com/vslS73h8ZL
— da share z0ne (@dasharez0ne) October 21, 2018
sorry babe the tapout fitted does not come off during sex. chugs monster u wet?
— Nick Colletti (@nick_colletti) October 16, 2018