Sure, Twitter is a great way to keep in touch with friends. It’s probably the most reliable method of staying up with news and current events—if something important happens, you’ll read about it on Twitter within minutes of it being reported. It’s a great conduit for information of all types, and that’s a major reason it’s become such a big part of many people’s online lives over the last decade.
Most importantly, though, it’s a way to make the entire world believe Bill Murray has the legal right to steal a Wu-Tang album from that pharma asshole.
If you read our regular galleries of funny tweets, you understand that Twitter’s greatest strength is as a joke delivery machine. It’s a pure shot of comedy from some of the greatest, most hilarious minds in the world, and f you’re wondering who makes the best use of that opportunity, just check out the list below. These are the funniest Twitter accounts of 2015, from professional comedians, writers and the semi-anonymous denizens of “Weird Twitter.” If you care about comedy on Twitter, you should follow every one of these people.
Twitter Bio: Imagen Seinfeld was never canceled and still NBC comedy program today?
Best Recent Tweet: kram BERST into jerys apartment on hoverboard
hoverboard BERST into flames
Runner-Up: GERGE: she SUBTWEETED me
JERY: How do u know
GERG: I JUST KNOW
JERY: what r u gona do
GERGE: I already did it
gerge hold up garbage bag
Twitter Bio: has only ever swung for the fences metaphorically
Best Recent Tweet: Top Films of 2015 7) Space Fight 6) Dumb Shit! 5) For Lady 4) Remember This, From Before?! 3) Sad Great Man 2) Angry Great Man 1) Gun Punch
Runner-Up: My wishes for 2016 are world peace, an end to hunger and for a funny lady comedian to get a show without a sexualized name attached to it.
Twitter Bio: Writer-at-large @esquire. Contributor to many fine publications and other bad ones. Large idiot.
Best Recent Tweet: I need a gun to protect myself against the tyrannical government, who I also universally support whenever they kill citizens.
Runner-Up: In the future you’ll be able to watch anything you want instantly and still remain an unsatisfiable piece of shit.
72. Allen Strickland Williams—@TotallyAllen
Twitter Bio: 420 friendly. No drama. Manic pixie dream boy. I did stand-up on CONAN. Profile photo by Megan Thompson. Header photo by Kelly Rose.
Best Recent Tweet: Every time my family asks me what I’m doing on my phone I have been sexting.
Runner-Up: I’m the fella with the hella good hair Taylor Swift is referring to in “Shake It Off”.
Twitter Bio: Not waving but clowning.
Best Recent Tweet: When I see people trawling Reddit for stupid stuff to repost here I’m like just have kids if you have so much free time to gawk at idiots
Runner-Up: Three is the ideal number of threats to have. More worried about a triple threat than a quadruple threat of I’m being honest
Twitter Bio: I’m not too crazy about me either. I write for TV Shows and The Internet http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0wvbkCAaA1rpo4ero1_500.jpg
Best Recent Tweet: Hungover, waiting at a Denny’s. Not hungry but trying to be polite, I’ve ordered a cup of soup and side of hashbrowns (a “Narc’s Delight”).
Runner-Up: You learn so much about your family listening to them talk to other people. Like woah what my moms a lawyer? I have a little brother??
Twitter Bio: Jon
Best Recent Tweet: Aromatherapists: Any cool new scents for ‘16?
Runner-Up: .@KirkCameron Do you let your kids like Star Wars or must they pretend it’s evil or whatever?
Twitter Bio: Some Guy on Twitter
Best Recent Tweet: Instead of a Zuckerberg retread the new Lex Luthor should have been modeled after Neil deGrasse Tyson, trying to disprove Superman’s powers.
Runner-Up: Still say the biggest loss with print media will be the lack of ads for non-Christmas movies where they just slap santa hats on characters.
Twitter Bio: I mostly just type words into the box. They do not represent my employer’s positions.
Best Recent Tweet: “After watching Making A Murderer I needed to do something.” “Grueling social justice activism?” “No, giving Ken Kratz a bad Yelp review.”
Runner-Up: Growing up all I knew about Oklahoma was that Hank Hill thought it was stupid
Twitter Bio: Let’s hold butts.
Best Recent Tweet: Shrek is NOT a virgin
Runner-Up: I could probs be a Rockette ‘cept I’m 4 ft tall & thick as shit & hate following the crowd also I can’t dance & smiling feels unnatural
Twitter Bio: i’m a stand-up comedian and i paint stuff for people
Best Recent Tweet: bruce: u been rehearsin real hard so santa’ll bring u a new saxophone??
name one f*ckin thing i like that isnt saxophones
Runner-Up: CAN’T check facebook rn, i do NOT want anyone to spoil the finale of rob schneider’s netflix series
Twitter Bio: Best American Sporpswriting. Contributing Editor at Vice Sports and co-founder of @Classical. Not the one from Van Halen or magic.
Best Recent Tweet: Trump has been speaking for 20 minutes now about how he “always goes straight for the cocktail shrimp” at buffets. The crowd’s loving it.
Runner-Up: It’s very pleasant and easy to imagine that the future of the discourse is partisan gloating based on whether it’s cold outside or not.
Twitter Bio: comedian and esper
Best Recent Tweet: “Haha, woooooooow. You’re OBSESSED with me.” -me, after receiving a second audit from the IRS
Runner-Up: saw my hospital bill and thought ooooooof… what, did i get this with guac or something????
Twitter Bio: hannibalburess.com/calendar
Best Recent Tweet: I just walked into my building the same time as my delivery food order got there in case you’re wondering what feeling like God is like.
Runner-Up: Watching Stevie wonder crack two Fetty Wap jokes and cover “my way” for a few seconds wasn’t something I thought I wanted but it was amazing
Twitter Bio: I still make mix CDs. Sometimes Man Cave Daily & Impersonals & Death and Taxes & Someecards & McSweeney’s let me write stuff for them. But mostly the CD thing.
Best Recent Tweet: 5 Ways To Tell If You’re Dating a Real Man
1 Is he strong
2 Is he soft
3 Is he agile
4 Does he leave hair on your bed
5 You’re dating a cat
Runner-Up: My mom is mad that my brother just showed up drunk to a family dinner and the takeway is I guess I’m a very sober-acting drunk.