Donald Trump’s Glowing Medical Report Was Written By…Donald Trump

I mean, this really should come as no surprise from the guy who sang his own praises to reporters while masquerading as his own publicist, repeatedly, but here we are. Per CNN, the superlative medical report the Trump campaign released in 2015 was mostly authored by none other than the Donald himself. Language like “Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency” and “his physical strength and stamina are extraordinary” apparently came from the horse’s own mouth—or some orifice, anyway. Here’s Dr. Harold Bornstein on how it went down:

But on Tuesday Dr. Bornstein shared some information with CNN that puts the letter in a new light: Trump composed it himself. “He dictated that whole letter. I didn’t write that letter,” Bornstein said. “I just made it up as I went along.”

Bornstein explained that Trump called him as he and his wife were driving through Central Park, reading off the language he wanted in the letter. “(Trump) dictated the letter and I would tell him what he couldn’t put in there,” he said. “They came to pick up their letter at four o’clock or something.”

“That’s black humor, that letter. That’s my sense of humor,” Bornstein added. “It’s like the movie Fargo: It takes the truth and moves it in a different direction.”

Uhhh…what? Why is this guy still a practicing doctor?

Hilariously, Bornstein is no longer Trump’s doctor, and it’s because the long-haired guru revealed that Trump uses the hair-growth drug Propecia. That earned him a firing via Trump’s secretary, on the phone. Then this happened:

Bornstein was fired on the phone by Trump’s secretary, and then Trump’s bodyguard and a large man appeared at Bornstein’s office to seize Trump’s health files.

Bornstein tells NBC he felt “raped, frightened, and sad,” though it is perhaps understandable that the president would discontinue his relationship with a doctor who gave out embarrassing information about his hair-growth drug.

Between this and the saga of Dr. Ronny Jackson (personal physician, nominated for Sec. of Veterans Affairs, withdrew because of misconduct that included excessive drinking), Trump can really pick a doctor, can’t he?