White House Chief of Staff John Kelly was speaking on background to reporters yesterday about immigration policies supported by the White House, and President Doofus stuck his head in the room so he could show everyone how far he can shove his foot down his throat. This is not just remarkable audio of the confrontation and Trump’s epic unforced error, but also the wild report given by Major Garrett after we get a taste of the insanity emanating throughout the White House.
In case you missed it in the back and forth over Trump’s eternal Jihad of “but her emails,” here is the money quote that sparked a ten-alarm fire across his entire legal team.
“I would love to do it, and I would like to do it as soon as possible. I would do it under oath, absolutely. [Hillary Clinton] didn’t do it under oath, but I would do it under oath.”
“It” is speaking to the special counsel’s office. Donald Trump versus Robert Mueller under oath is about as fair of a fight as mankind versus climate change. This will not end well for Trump, as I wrote earlier this month when we learned of Mueller’s intention to speak with POTUStupid:
As tantalizing as the “why” behind the obstruction of justice inquiry is to dig in to, the “who,” “what,” “where” and “how” paints a seriously dire picture for the president. Trump practically confessed to obstruction of justice on NBC News after firing James Comey—proving that he had the Attorney General and Deputy Attorney General draw up a phony legal recommendation to serve as cover for firing the former FBI Director. Republican Senators have gone on the record to tell the Times that Trump asked them to squash their Russia investigation. The former FBI Director wrote in a note that Trump asked if he could see to “letting [his National Security Adviser] go.” This is serious stuff, and the fact that Robert Mueller wants to speak to a president constantly unmoored from the truth (he was caught lying 30 times in a 2007 deposition) should send chills down everyone’s spine in the White House.
Trump’s lawyer isn’t the brightest bulb in the box either, as he was tricked by a prankster posing as Trump’s social media director, and earnestly responded to e-mails sent from firstname.lastname@example.org (as did Jared Kushner’s lawyers and others around the White House). However, even Ty Cobb can see that this is a recipe for disaster, as he told the New York Times that Trump is “ready to meet with them, but he’ll be guided by the advice of his personal counsel.”
Translation: OH MY GOD YOU BIG DUMB DUMMY! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT NOT DOING. GO SIT IN A CORNER WHILE THE ADULTS CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!
President Brain Mush does not want this fight, because getting caught lying under oath as a rich, white citizen is quite different from when it happens as president. All he needs to do is ask his buddy, Bill and he’ll learn all about it. The question now becomes, will he follow through on his promise? If left entirely up to his lawyers, they’d lock Trump in a cage in a secure location known to no one until this is all over, but the densest president in history refuses to be constrained by anyone and anything. His entire self-worth is wrapped up in a mirage of uber-competence and hyper-individualism, and every time he ventures out on his own, his staff reacts like they just watched their small child wander out onto the interstate.
Whether Donald Trump meets with Robert Mueller is ultimately up to Donald Trump. He’s the president (*gag*). Given his past misstatements in depositions, if Trump does make good on his bravado, the words “obstruction of justice” could become an everyday occurrence on chyrons across cable newsland.
Jacob Weindling is a staff writer for Paste politics. Follow him on Twitter at @Jakeweindling.