Reince Priebus Wants Diversity on the GOP Tickets, As Long As It's Not Diversity of Thought

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It’s an AMAZING idea in theory: Democrats have an iron hold on minorities in women in America, so hey, fellow Republicans, what if we nominate a minority or a woman??

Turns out, unfortunately, that women and minorities seem to oppose Republicans not because they’re overwhelmingly white, but because an unavoidable effect of all their policies is the ongoing oppression of women and minorities. Funny, right? That’s why McCain’s idiotic move to sacrifice his remaining principles and add Sarah Palin to his ticket backfired, and that’s why there hasn’t been a massive avalanche of Hispanic support for cretins like Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz or Herman Cain or Ben Carson. People are too smart for that kind of reductive bullshit, and tend to react poorly to Republican leaders who pat them on the head and say, “look, here’s a black guy you can vote for! Just like Obama!”

Nevertheless, the GOP leadership is loathe to give up on these growing demographics, because the minute they do, they resign themselves to never winning another presidential election. Enter Reince Priebus, the perfectly named chair of the Republican National Committee (anagram: “I Be Penis Curer”). In a radio interview with Hugh Hewitt earlier today, Priebus emphasized the need for “diversity”:

”[Trump] also understands that we’ve got to have a real seasoned veteran…there has to be a degree of diversity on the ballot…now whether it be diversity of age or whether it be diversity of gender or ethnic background, somehow or another, diversity is important in some respects.”

I guarantee there’s one kind of diversity Priebus really doesn’t want to see: Diversity of thought. God forbid any GOP candidate took a break from shilling for corporate America, or cared about women’s rights, or admitted that we might be in the midst of an environmental disaster. That kind of thing will not be allowed? But darker skin, and/or two x-chromosomes in a single body? Sure. Absolutely. As long as they toe the line.