John Boehner Went to Stanford and Talked Shit About Pretty Much Everybody, but Especially Ted Cruz

Republican congressman and tanning enthusiast John Boehner resigned as Speaker of the House late last year, and, by all appearances, no longer gives a fuck about anything. Boehner spoke last night at Stanford University, and maybe I’m not giving the old Boehner enough credit, but I can’t quite imagine an active Speaker introducing himself this way:

“You can call me boner, beaner, jackass, happy to answer to almost anything.”

Boehner was a guest of the Stanford Speakers Bureau and a group called Stanford in Government, and quickly adopted what the Stanford Daily called a “joking yet blunt attitude.” Which is a huge understatement. In reality, Boehner basically just spent the night talking shit about his former colleagues, with a focus on those running for president.

The best quote of the night, by far, came when he was asked about Ted Cruz. Boehner, in full IDGAF mode, pulled no punches:

“Lucifer in the flesh,” the former speaker said. “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

He called himself “texting buddies” with Donald Trump, and while he described John Kasich as a friend, he made sure to clarify that the man is a giant pain in the ass—which jives with what long-time journalists and other politicians have been saying:

“[Kasich] requires more effort on my behalf than all my other friends … but he’s still my friend, and I love him,” Boehner said.

Boehner said he would vote for Kasich or Trump in a general election, but wouldn’t pull the lever for Cruz. On the Democrats’ side, he was actually kind to Bernie Sanders, calling him “nice” and “honest,” but as you might guess, he’s no fan of Hillary Clinton:

On Clinton, Boehner’s reviews were more mixed. Early in the talk, the speaker impersonated Clinton, saying “Oh I’m a woman, vote for me,” to a negative crowd reaction. Later, he added that he had known Clinton for 25 years and finds her to be very accomplished and smart.

That, frankly, is an amazingly ballsy move to make in a crowd that I assume was populated largely by liberal college students. He had to know he was going to get booed, right? But, again, Boehner doesn’t have two shits to give.

He went on to call the Freedom Caucus—a faction of uber-conservative House members—”knuckleheads” and “goofballs,” and said that his political hero, Ronald Reagan, would be the most moderate Republican running today. As a final act, he implied that if there’s even the faint hint of the FBI coming down hard on Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden would be “parachuting in” with Obama “fanning the flames to make it all happen.”

Read about the whole thing here. Boehner may have been chased out of the House by the nutsos to his right, but I think we can all be happy that he’s not going quietly into the political night.