January is a time for resolutions to be made and diets to be temporarily instituted. If you’re a fan of the US Men’s National Team, January is also a time to see some familiar faces and get a look at some new ones. That’s right: it’s Camp Cupcake time!
The first camp of the year generally allows Jurgen Klinsmann and Company an opportunity to get players together between World Cup qualifiers, kick the tires and blood the youth. For outsiders, Camp Cupcake can be slightly confusing as new names combine with copious roster changes (there have been already been seven alterations to the original squad). So, presented here are the faces, names and “facts” about the current US roster. In case you’re wondering, “facts” is in quotation marks because some of the Useful Trivia listed herein is made up… and by “some” I mean “most.”
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Jordan Morris (FWD/21/Unattached/7 CAPs) - Useful Trivia: Remember how old you were when you drank so much in college that you were hung over for two days? Morris had already played for the USA multiple times and won the NCAA College Cup by that same age.
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Perry Kitchen (MID/23/Unattached/2 CAPs) - Useful Trivia: Kitchen broke off negotiations with DC United after being unsettled by the proposed clause that waived club responsibility if he was accidentally buried under a pile of concrete at RFK.
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Gyasi Zardes (FWD/24/LA Galaxy/19 CAPs) - Useful Trivia: Despite reports to the contrary, Zardes' hairstyle is a subtle to nod to the "Electric Dream Machine" duo from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."
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Khiry Shelton (FWD/22/New York City FC/0 CAPs) - Useful Trivia: As evidenced by the corresponding photo, Shelton suffers from "soccerballophobia."
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Wil Trapp (MID/23/Columbus Crew/1 CAP) - Useful Trivia: Critics and fans alike agree that Wil Trapp is most likely the future of the US National Team
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Jerome Kiesewetter (FWD/22/VfB Stuttgart/0 CAPs) - Useful Trivia: Roughly translated from German, "Kiesewetter" means "gravels cousin." Yup. He's that tough.
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Ethan Finlay (FWD/25/Columbus Crew/0 CAPs) - Critics and fans alike agree that Ethan Finlay might be the future of the US National Team.
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Jozy Altidore (FWD/26/Toronto FC/89 CAPs) - Useful Trivia: Altidore has scored more goals for the US National Team than every other player on the roster combined.
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Tony Tchani (MID/26/Columbus Crew/0 CAPs) - Useful Trivia: Tchani's call-up to the USMNT also means that Klinsmann can never again set foot in Cameroon (Tchani is eligible for their national team as well).
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Mix Diskerud (MID/25/New York City FC/36 CAPs) - Useful Trivia: Mix Diskerud has a hair rating of 99 on FIFA 16.