It’s the Archer Quote-down!: Lana Kane

5. “Who’re you supposed to be, Topper Bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper of the USS Rough Service?”

4. “Do you really want to open this can of trust-breachy worms right after I just caught you and my ex-boyfriend with a dead hooker in the trunk?”

3. “It’s like my heart is being gripped by the icy fingers of some terrifying ghost of honeymoon future.”

2. “With your looks, maybe ‘bitchy’ isn’t the way to go.”

1. “If you want to know why Archer is Archer, you need to go back in time and have a threesome with Oedipus and Sigmund Freud.”

Despite being the best agent at ISIS by an entire lap, the long-suffering Lana Kane has little choice but to endure not only two obnoxious ex-lovers at work (Sterling Archer and Cyril Figgis), but the indignity of bald-faced favoritism shown by her boss, Malory, toward her son, Sterling. Plus, most of the time, it seems like the rest of her coworkers at ISIS won’t be satisfied until they permanently drag her down to their level of persistent unprofessionalism. All it might take is one more crack about her “monster hands.”






Her best opportunities for getting good digs in on Archer tend to revolve around his poor disguise choices.







Cyril. Just stop talking, buddy.







Going undercover with Archer posing as newlyweds was bound to trigger some existential dread.







One of the crew on the space station Horizon learns copping an attitude with Lana when she’s been forced to engage in firefights while in nothing but her skivvies earns you one of her deeper cuts.







Lana can’t change her past with Archer, but she can at least try to help other women. Deep down, she has a heart bigger than her monster-y hands.