Well, I’m back as a SAMCRO believer. They lost me there for a bit. The last few episodes of Sons of Anarchy have been… well… boring. The truth is, after losing the tension of Clay vs. Jax and Gemma vs. Tara at the end of last season, I wasn’t sure how Season Seven would roll out. We know Jax is hell-bent on revenge, but that plotline can only take us so far, and I’ve been bored with the first three episodes of Season Seven.
Last night’s “Poor Little Lambs,” seduced me back in. There I was cozy in my PJs, tucked into a blanket, ready to be asleep by the third commercial break, and BAM—Courtney Love shows up as a preschool teacher (I have now seen it all). We see Gemma dealing with irate carpool moms, and catch a glimpse of Juice’s bare ass all before the opening credits. Alright SoA, let me put down the chamomile tea, because I’m in.
The episode opens with Jax paying a visit to Tully (Marilyn Manson) in jail. They’re making a deal about “dog food” (as in, not dog food), and we learn that Tully really misses his dog. Aw, even white supremacists can be pet lovers too.
The star power doesn’t end there. Next, Courtney Love makes her series debut as Abel’s preschool teacher, Ms. Harrison. She meets Gemma at the drop off, and I must say, she looks good. Demure floral dresses suit her. After Gemma berates one of the horn-happy carpool mommas, Ms. Harrison says, “Damn, grandma’s kind of crazy.” And when C-Love calls you crazy, you know you have some problems.
Anyway, back to the Sons. They’re paid a visit by Tyler, who says August Marks needs their help tracking down a pastor and/or his wife because August needs their signature to close a business deal fast. It turns out this pastor is the same “Pantyhose Preacher” the boys accidentally killed and buried in the season opener. Small world indeed. The boys dig up the preacher, grab his cell phone to find clues, and what do they find? Videos of Venus Van Dam!
YES! At this point, I am officially hooked on the episode. The boys meet up with Venus (much to Tig’s delight) and she tells them that the pastor was a “freaky little holy man living close to the flame.” She is poetry. Oh, and she calls Tig “Alexander.” She gives the guys the pastor’s address, and she makes Jax smile for the first time this season. Basically, she rules all.
The boys head to the Pantyhose Preacher’s lakeside cabin. They find the pastor’s wife and stepson, but not before those rascals shoot Tig with buckshot, and make a shoddy escape into the lake. Jax takes off his shoes (is THAT how they stay so clean? It’s like they’re never scuffed) and jumps in to save everyone. Aw, that’s the Jackie Boy I’ve missed. As everyone dries off (can someone offer Jax a towel? Seriously—he just saved your ass) we learn that, surprise, August Marks is involved in some shady deals. Basically, he wants the pastor’s wife to sign away her church’s property so he can claim the benefits of low-income housing that will never be built. Jax advises them to take the deal because August Marks is one scary mofo, and leaves them with a promise they won’t get hurt. I’m not so sure Marks will play along with that.
We cut to the woods with Sheriff Jarry (Annabeth Gish, you’re making me crave some Mystic Pizza). She’s surveying a bloody scene: Tully’s trigger-happy Aryan Brotherhood shot two cops, who happened to see Jax and his crew roll by and followed them to the Brotherhood’s drug deal. One cop is dead (sad, I liked him), one survived, and poor Sheriff Jarry gets her first taste of Charming’s, well, charm. “Charming,” she says to Unser, “our name says it all. This is a bad place, isn’t it Wayne?” Oh sweetheart, is it too late to turn in the badge? Those kickbacks from SAMCRO might not be worth it.
Speaking of SAMCRO, Scoops got blown up! Lin’s crew threw some bombs through the window, sending everyone scattering for the door. (Including Sheriff Jarry, who was at the clubhouse questioning Jax, and just can’t seem to catch a break today.) Luckily no one was hurt, including Tig and Venus, who were making out upstairs. (sidenote—who is going to patch up bloody Tig and the rest of the Sons now that Dr. Tara is gone? Didn’t think that one through, did ya Gemma?)
Do you think bombing Scoops is enough retaliation for the Chinese? Henry Lin doesn’t think so. One of his men calls Nero and says, “What happens at Diosa will affect you, but it’s meant for the Sons” before killing everyone in the place. We don’t see it happen, but our boys roll in after it’s finished, astonished at the damage. Everyone is dead, including Collette. Jax seems kind of upset that his favorite side piece is dead, but that’s what happens when you start a gang war, boo. Innocent people get hurt.
… And it’s montage time! True to SoA form, Sutter won’t let us leave the episode without a musical montage. We’ve got Unser sitting in the hospital with the shot cop, Venus sitting with Tig, Sheriff Jarry in the car with Chibs (holding hands! Is she playing him or what?), Juice and Wendy (and Juice’s silencer!), Gemma (and her silencer! Do they get them as a 2-for-1 deal?), and the Sons arriving at Diosa after the massacre. The teasers for next week portray Nero as the voice of reason (thank goodness, because clearly Bobby gave up on that job) and Lin making some serious threats about Jax. Unser promises more body bags because “something is going down in Stockton.” So, another day at the office for SAMCRO.
“Poor Little Lambs” drew me back in. Finally, I’m excited to see what happens next week with the Sons. How about you guys? Are you back in? What do you think of Courtney Love’s debut?
P.S. The cops put out an APB for Juice. Wendy, Unser, and Gemma are teaming up to get his crazy ass out of town before Jax or the cops find him. I wish things would end well for our sweet Juice, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.
P.P.S. I don’t see things going well for Nero either. None of Gemma’s paramours have lived—even Tara warned Nero about it in Season Six. Not only that, but Nero is business partners with Jax, who turns gold to shit. Nero’s gotta pack his suitcase full of cardigans, and get the hell away from those Tellers.
Emily Worden is a Boston-based freelance writer and author of Make. Sell. Repeat. The Ultimate Business Guide for Artists, Crafters, and Makers. You can follow her on Twitter.