Just when you thought it was safe to get emotionally attached to Supergirl characters again, ladies and gentlemen, may we present “Alex.”
I don’t empathize with many characters as much as I do Alex Danvers. Quite frankly, we have a lot in common. We both hold leadership positions at our day jobs, neither of us can cook, and we’re both the older of two sisters, absolutely sure our sibling is both a) awesome and b) an alien from another planet. Oh, and Maggie is our favorite.
All this combined, I was pretty nervous going into “Alex,” especially since last week’s promo seemed pretty clear on the level of mortal peril we’d be facing. Usually, I wouldn’t worry so much. I’d wave it away with something like, “They can’t kill Alex. She’s a lead,” or worse, “This isn’t even the season finale.”
The only problem with this is the rapid cast change up we’ve seen since Supergirl moved to The CW. Cat is gone, along with the extended Grant family. There are days I’d really like us to check in with Maxwell Lord, just to make sure he isn’t causing any trouble. And does anyone besides me even remember that once upon a time Jenna Dewan Tatum played Lucy Lane? That’s not even counting the characters who were actually properly written off, like M’gann, Non, and Alura. NO ONE IN SUPERGIRL IS SAFE!!
Sorry, I got a little emotional there. I just have a lot of feelings—and thoughts—about last night’s episode. Thirty-four, in fact:
1. Paranoia. Paranoia. Paranoia.
I did not like the look of last week’s promo at all.
All joy aside, is it just me, or does it feel like we haven’t seen Maggie in months?
3. Look at Maggie, all focused with her negotiating skills. I bet—oh, oh no. Kara, what are you doing?
4. Nope, nope. That’s the angry Maggie face.
Variant #325: You’ve stepped on my toes and taken away my sense of agency.
5. Ahhh, Alex and I both fail at cooking.
Her, paella. Me, waffles.
6. Wait, seriously? The Supergirl Defense is a thing?
Though in retrospect, guys, this makes a lot of sense. She’s not exactly reading criminals their Miranda rights when she hands them over. What legal knowledge I’ve obtained by watching Daredevil and Law & Order reruns is pretty sure this checks out.
7. “Because I can fly?” Ugh, Superjock is here to play today.
8. Ahh, look at that Sanvers adorableness.
And now for the requisite follow-up: “I ship it” and “relationship goals.” Seriously, my favorites.
9. Noooooo, elevator kidnappings are so clichéd!
10. Go home Rhea. Your revenge plot already bores me.
11. Okay, creepy voice is creepy.
I’m not sure how I feel about the whole “neither of us checked in on Alex after putting her in the middle of our awkward fight” situation. At least send an apology text, right?
12. This guy is a real &*#$ face.
13. Is this The Cell? Am I watching the 2000 psychological thriller staring Jennifer Lopez and Vince Vaughn?
I’m just saying this whole trapped-in-a-tank scenario feels familiar.
14. Yay! Alex knows him! Wait, do I know him? Should I know who this kidnapper is?
15. Whoa. Rhea just found a whole new level to the passive aggressive mother-in-law cliché.
16. Peter Thompson is a real &*#$ head.
Also, he saw Kara dent that table, so does he now know she’s Supergirl?
17. Middle school friends are the worst.
Seriously, they have the highest statistical probability to grow up and become your arch nemesis. It’s an awkward time.
18. Lena, don’t you dare fall for this.
19. Ha! Go Lena! Go Lena! Not letting someone manipulate your mommy-shaped sore spot! Go! Go! Go!
Or, you know, character development.
20. This casting director did a good job. Peter and Rick actually really do look related.
21. New nickname alert: Alex “MacGyver” Danvers.
22. Gertrude is a horrible name for a dog.
I’m not crying, you’re crying.
23. Ugh, NO! Lena you are being played!!!!!!
Okay, so not so much with character development for Lena tonight.
24. I just really love David Harewood.
Best intergalactic surrogate dad ever.
25. When did Maggie walk onto the set of Dangerous Minds?
26. Dear Rick, you are a horrible criminal mastermind.
Don’t get me wrong, I was really impressed until the part where you admitted you underestimated how big a girl scout Supergirl was. Have you even watched this show before? Or did that never come up in your year of research?
27. Damn, Alex, get vicious.
28. Maggie has mission impossible level tech.
Easiest jailbreak ever.
29. Kara reveals a new superpower: the super guilt trip.
“If he kills her, you will have failed at the one good thing you have done with you life.” Harsh, but effective.
30. More sobbing. Just joyous, joyous sobbing
Can you all do me a favor and, like, not do this plot ever again?
31. This med bay is getting some overuse this season.
32. Alex said I love you!
33. Maggie said I love you!!!
34. Hank Hug.
Katherine Siegel is a Chicago-based writer and director, and a regular contributor to Paste. You can find out more by checking out her website or follow her on Twitter.