Leaguecaps had to temporarily go on hiatus, so before we get started, let us give you an extremely brief recap: if you missed the episode, you missed a pretty-okay Will Forte as an out-of-town guest/recovering alcoholic. Andre takes up mixology as his hobby-du-jour, and this was the best scene of the whole thing. Sadly, Painkiller Ruxin was not back for this episode.
This season of The League has been packed with non-football-related Special Guest Stars, and this episode, we get Joss Whedon’s favorite muse, Eliza Dushku, as Kevin’s Krav Maga instructor. Although it looked last week like Woobie Kevin was finally a thing of the past, he returns in full force when he thinks his instructor is hitting on him, making for some very uncomfortable chest-grabbage and excruciating facial expressions (but not as bad as Jeff Goldblum’s O-Face from the Thanksgiving episode). She’s kind of reminiscent of the Israeli soldier who Andy has a crush on on Weeds, and it’s awesome.
It’s an unfortunate delving into what we could call the Apatow Trap (or “Trapatow”): Kevin’s not considered bad-looking in the League universe by any means (although Jenny does mention he needs to lose weight in this episode), but he is certainly a dope, and yet, like other schlubs in the dude-comedy universe, he not only has an attractive, intelligent wife, but his fit Krav Maga instructor wants on him. Why is it that badass women are always attracted to average Joes? This is somehow Seth Rogen’s fault. Anyway. Annoying Kevin is back. And Jenny doesn’t care that the Krav Maga instructor is hitting on him.
Elsewhere, there is a league prank war, beginning with Ruxin subscribing Pete to 40 obscure magazines, among them Bass Chasers and Polish Food Monthly (you’d be surprised how much there is to learn about pierogi). In retribution, Pete signs Ruxin up to be courted by the Light of Genesis, a cult that lies somewhere between the homoerotic supporting cast of the Book of Mormon musical and the Movementarians from The Simpsons. Ruxin tries to resist, but the cult members reveal, since they cannot drink, smoke or have sex, that their only vice is fantasy football. And yeah, the show returns to the silly territory that makes it so endearing. Ruxin naturally immerses himself into the cult, and his bold lineup choices see him prevailing. Which means the cult must be stopped.
Andre doesn’t get into a weird hobby in this one (which is a shame)—he’s just sort of professional-annoying. Jenny comes in and tells him she needs to get a tattoo removed, a garishly tacky hip monstrosity that reads “Pleasure Chest.” Andre struggles the whole episode with the secret, aching to tell everyone, except he runs into the problem that no one actually cares about his story.
It’s Taco, once again, who quietly and briefly steals the show. The Tacocorp invention of the week is a necktie rental service known as Neckflix, which is the first of Taco’s recent schemes that actually seems somewhat plausible and effective (other than the Yobagoya! jingle). It’s better, he says, than the plan for the “live rocking horse,” an act of animal cruelty that would turn “a useless horse into a beloved children’s toy.” Taco gives an amazing lecture about the importance of “visualizing” in entrepreneurship, and he ends up taking on his free inventory by robbing a church basement.
The gang goes to Ruxin’s baptism into the Light of Genesis, where they’re cajoled by the awesomely creepy cult leaders into having feelings sharing/confession time. Andre admits he told one of the cult leaders about the tattoo, and Jenny accepts Andre’s apology in exchange for two running backs (at least one of whom was Rashard Mendenhall), only to reveal that the tattoo was a fake all along. As we head into the home stretch of the season, the league is still anyone’s to win. In what is perhaps the episode’s best scene, they use the high school yearbook photo of Shivakamini Somakandarkram to compel Ruxin to renounce the cult and return to the league. Not only does it work, but we are finally treated to the season’s first and only massive Shiva Blast. The look on Ruxin’s face is purely terrifying.
The episode ends with a return to Kevin and his Krav Maga instructor, in which the two are confronted by a mugger on the way back to their cars. Kevin tries the moves the instructor showed him, which prove to be highly ineffective (and Kevin even woobier), and the instructor finally admits she was hitting on him. Duh. Mugger gets weirded out by the whole thing, so in the end, Krav Maga saves the day.
As for the league itself, I’m calling it now. This is the year that Jenny wins The Shiva. Back-to-back winners don’t seem like the show’s style, Kevin’s too stupid and Pete’s too boring, and Ruxin and Andre have both already won. Taco could pull a surprise victory, but that seems like a pretty big stretch considering his team name is “PASSWORD IS TACO.” By process of elimination, it’s the Year of the Jenny. Ah well, we’ll find out next week, won’t we?
Miscellaneous goodness:
After Jenny tells Kevin he needs to lose weight: “You’re the one that gave me bacon.” “It was business.”
Poor Andre and the start to his story: “My best friend Jenny, married to my best friend Kevin…”
“There is no higher power than Tacocorp.”
“You look like a guy that gets beaten by the Mormons.”
Taco on the variety of ties: “World Cup! Poor person’s wedding! Your own funeral!”