What It Takes To Be a Gilmore Girl

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What It Takes To Be a Gilmore Girl

If Netflix has helped your Gilmore Girls addiction reach new heights, you probably long to live in a place like Stars Hollow. You dream of being greeted by every one in town as you make your way to the local diner every morning, ready to consume ridiculous amounts of coffee and pastries. This show is like a modern-day Disney series only better, because no one important ever dies and nothing bad ever really happens. Sure there’s a bit of family drama here and there, some boy-trouble and light childhood trauma, but nothing that will get you down for too long. And there are so many quirky characters eager to restore a humorous balance it’s just impossible to see this show as anything other than a brilliant family comedy with a feminist spin.

It’s been fifteen years since the Gilmore Girls—Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and Rory (Alexis Bledel)—first took over our screens but we still haven’t gotten over them. For this reason, many of us wept tears of joy when the Netflix revival was confirmed. You’ll want to start prepping for this big TV event now, so here are 5 things to start doing, so you can be one of the Gilmore Girls (Spoiler Alert: there’s a good chance many of you already have these things covered).

1. Talk a Million Miles a Minute

Considering Lorelai and Rory Gilmore’s massive daily coffee intake, it’s not exactly surprising that these girls speed through their day and their speech like amphetamine monkeys with too much to say and too little time to say it. Whether they are discussing life, the importance of all-girl bands like The Bangles, or what might await them at the house of horrors AKA The Gilmore Residence (home of Lorelai’s parents), they do so with the Ferraris of all motor-mouths. In the first few seasons, Rory is still growing into her nattering antics, with Lorelai making up for any occasional silences. But by the time Rory enters the fast-paced environment of Yale and starts working for the school’s newspaper, she falls easily into step with her overly-articulate mother. Lorelai’s mind is like a whirlwind, capable of spitting out anecdotes and dropping bombs at any given moment. She is witty and quick to spot a punch-line whenever some harmless ridicule is necessary. Her brain is a “wild jungle full of scary gibberish,” but that doesn’t stop her from loving the sound of her own voice; even when it means throwing out random words like “bicycle, unicycle, unitard, hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey underpants.” The Gilmore Girls are also known for their uncanny ability to liven up an awkward conversation by shouting out “Bangalore! Bangalore!” or in Lorelai’s case, simply stating “ I hate President Bush”.

Exercise: Before you start planning your definitive move to Stars Hollow, stand in front of your mirror at home and repeat this rant in less than a minute without stumbling over your words. If you succeed, you’re ready to hang with the Gilmore Girls.

“”I’m still on my final sleep schedule and man am I wired! What time is it? Like three in the morning? I cannot tell anymore, want some Mac & Cheese? I love Mac & Cheese when I can’t sleep. Cool! Individual cheese slices. So, I’ve been making out my resume so I can try to get a summer job because there is no way that I am going to swipe cafeteria cards again next year. My whites are done! Do you know that the best time to do your laundry at Yale is in the middle of the night? You have your pick of washers, the place has just been swept, and the trash is completely empty. So what do you think? The Stars Hollow Gazette needs a facts checker, but Rob’s Tire is offering way more money. I know that now is the time to suffer for my art, but I was so broke…”

2. Be a Self-Sufficient Woman

Lorelai might be single, but there’s nothing she can’t weather on her own. Well…mostly. She has no cooking skills whatsoever and no hidden desire to acquire them. Using the oven to cook food in is a foreign concept to her; instead she uses her oven to make her socks “warm and slightly toasty.” However, what she has created is an excellent take-out ordering system with all of Stars Hollow’s eateries on speed dial. Brilliant. Lorelai had moved out of her home when she was just sixteen-years-old and raised Rory on her own. When they first arrived in Stars Hollow, they lived in a little tool-shed in the gardens of the Independence Inn. It was a small open space with no luxuries to speak of, but Lorelai turned it into a home. She made Rory’s first sweater out of an old Bananorama T-shirt and a beautiful, blue prom dress from scraps. She does attempt to do the rougher things around the house too, like fixing windows and cleaning out the rain pipes, but those usually ends in near-death experiences. As all fans of the show know, she’s extremely stubborn and determined not to accept any help from anyone, especially not her parents—even if that means losing her house to an army of termites.

Exercise: If you whole-heartedly agree with the statement below, you and Lorelai Gilmore will get along just fine.

“You know, like a bunch of rich kids, the children of entitlement: Blowing off school, drinking for days, spending thousands on a stupid and potentially dangerous stunt knowing full well that they’re not going to get in trouble, ‘cause Daddy is important. They’re all the same.”

3. Eat Like a Horse

In reality, the Gilmore Girls should look like a beautiful pair of sumo wrestlers. Maybe their high coffee intake helps them burn off all the calories they consume at Luke’s Diner on a daily basis. Who knows? What we do know is that these girls have insatiable appetites—the kind that can be catered for at any fast food restaurant: They’re all about the fries, onion rings, burgers, pizzas and hotdogs. Their breakfasts consist of Pop-tarts, Donuts and Lorelai’s favorite, the Danish. Their fridge is religiously empty but they have that whole array of take-out menus to choose their dinner meals from. Lorelai’s parents are appalled by their eating habits and have a hard time impressing them with their gourmet cuisine, “little balls of attitude” and Marzipan bought in Switzerland. It’s true that Lorelai and Rory are champion eaters who can manage up to four Thanksgiving meals in one day—but that’s nothing compared to the sickeningly fattening appetizers they put together for special nights like their Cop Rock marathons. Pizza towers, Tator Tots and Bagels drenched in maple syrup. And let’s not forget the time when Luke (Scott Patterson) surprised Lorelai with a Santa Burger made up with whipped cream, burger meat, ketchup and jalapeños. We wouldn’t have been surprised if she had actually eaten it.

Exercise: Prepare the table with all your favorite snacks and sweets and don’t be modest—pile it on. f your table isn’t filled with at least two pounds of chocolate, a family sized pizza, a bowl of popcorn and a tray of Mallomars, you ain’t doing it right. Sprawl out on the couch and get into a marathon of your favorite show whilst eating all the contents presented on the table. If you can finish it all without hugging the toilet-bowl for the rest of the night, you can officially apply for a part in the Gilmore clan.

4. Be a Bookworm

If you want to keep up with Rory and her talk of Sylvia Plath books, the Beatniks’ adventures and the biography of Hillary Clinton, you best start putting together your Amazon wish list. This kid can spend more than two hours perusing the local book fair. Her drawers, shelves and every single inch of space underneath her bed consists of books. Her school bag is always packed with at least three books for leisurely reading, and no matter where she goes she’ll always carry a book or a magazine in her purse. She has something to say about the classics by Joseph Heller, Geoffrey Chaucer and Henry Miller and soaks up the experiences of Tom Wolfe, John Steinbeck and Allen Ginsberg as if they were her own. Lorelai isn’t quite as fanatic when it comes to reading, but she won’t say no to a little dirt a la The Motley Crue.

Exercise: If you think you can compete with Rory and her reading habits, check out the Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge before committing to any serious bets…

5. Be Overly Ambitious

Ever since Rory was a little girl, she wanted to go to Harvard and become a journalist; these two things were her main focus in life. She worked extremely hard at Stars Hollow High and was finally accepted into the prestigious Chilton Preparatory School. It may have cost Lorelai her pride, but that was a small price to pay for watching Rory’s graduation speech as Chilton’s Valedictorian. Family politics, an endless pro-con list and, ultimately, a reluctant admittance on Lorelai’s part finally steered Rory towards Yale—much to the excitement of her grandparents Richard (the late, great Edward Hermann) and Emily (Kelly Bishop). Rory excels at Yale, and even learns how to crack out of her shell a bit thanks to the dreamy Logan Huntzberger; but she also takes a hard hit and, subsequently, six months off from school and her mother. When she finally gets a grip and goes back to Yale, she comes back twice as strong: She becomes the editor of the Yale Daily News and ends up covering Barack Obama’s campaign. It’s no surprise really; Rory couldn’t have had a better role-model. Her mother taught her that hard work and ambition can get you anywhere. And while Lorelai may have had a rocky start, she made her dream of running her own inn come true—and she did it all on her own.

Exercise: If you follow the same kind of strict and obsessive study system as Rory Gilmore, and if you’ve got the unbreakable will of Lorelai, you’ve probably got the Gilmore drive in you.