John Kasich Finally Realizes Resisting Overlord Trump is Futile, Drops Out of GOP Race

So much for all that saber-rattling about a contested convention.

According to a number of sources, John Kasich is expected to suspend his presidential campaign later today, bringing one of the most delusional runs of this election season to an end and formally cementing Donald J. Trump as the presumptive Republican nominee for President of the United States.

We repeat: Donald Trump is now running unopposed.

Give Kasich some credit for lasting longer than any of Trump’s other opponents, despite being an establishment conservative in a year when the establishment has had its ass handed to it. It probably helped that he never really went on the offensive, appearing to all as the happy-go-lucky grandpa while, one by one, the candidates who went after Trump got sucked into his black hole, never to be seen again. Alas, that same milquetoast quality is probably the reason Kasich only won his home state of Ohio. Without a path to the nomination—and let’s face it, a contested convention probably never would have selected him anyway—his decision to call it quits makes sense.

But now Donald freaking Trump—a sexist, racist, xenophobic salesman—is the only GOP candidate left standing.

The Republican National Convention will probably still be immensely interesting theater—maybe it’s time to start talking about a conservative third party, eh?—but hopefully now it won’t feature riots. Meanwhile, Trump is going to train his blasters directly upon Hillary Clinton. And even though we think it’s not going to happen, if Trump can flip enough angry Bernie supporters, he might actually be the goddamn President of the United States.

God help us all.