It began innocently enough: As I sat down to edit Paste’s gargantuan lists of Gilmore Girls’ greatest moments and greatest quotations, not to mention our ranking of every single one of the 153 episodes preceding Netflix’s recent revival, I realized that I’d seen no more than a few minutes of Amy Sherman-Palladino’s beloved WB dramedy. (I’m not exactly sure why, though I suspect I was focused on Alias until it was too late to catch up.) “Why not?” I thought. “I’ll throw it on in the background. It’ll help me know who’s who as I edit.”
The project, as is my wont, soon became something else: an investigation, an obsession, a post-election salve. Though the questions and notes I tweeted along the way are mostly comic (or supposed to be), it turns out that I was also in the process of figuring out why it is that Gilmore Girls has earned such loyalty and affection from its fans. My early reference to Elena Ferrante, at least in part, was no joke at all: No TV series I’ve seen has depicted the relationship between best friends, or between mothers and daughters, in such novelistic detail. Whimsical, funny, romantic, frustrating, deliberate, often blind to its own flaws, Gilmore Girls was—is—more like me than I ever expected. And for that I am—will be—forever grateful.
39. Are there any depictions of Yale in film / on TV that don’t make it seem completely insufferable?
40. How does Emily Gilmore know about Sex and the City?
Note 17: She’s such a Charlotte.
Note 18: Actually, Charlotte is such an Emily Gilmore.
41. What water-fluoridation conspiracy theory explains the popularity of sweatpants with “Juicy” on the ass?
Note 19: A man named Digger Stiles calling waltzing “embarrassing and a little gay” is pretty rich, in my humble opinion.
42. Was that a Vincent Gallo / Brown Bunny jab Lorelai just made? God, remember him? He’s garbage.
43. Paris and the professor?! Oh, come the fuck on.
44. When I complained about Michel’s accent 3.5 seasons ago, how come none of you told me he was ripped?
Note 20: This show has a women-journalists-sleeping-with-sources problem. (See: Paris in Season Four, Rory in the Netflix revival.)
Note 21: Screw Digger Stiles, and screw Lorelai, too (sorry, not sorry), for agreeing to stay in the guest room.
45. Rami Malek was on Gilmore Girls?
46. Where can I purchase the spring 2004 line of Resort Wear by Paris Geller?
47. Will you forgive me if I insult you by saying your car “looks just like Barbie’s!” à la Emily Gilmore?
48. Jesssssssssssssssssssss. (I know. Not a question. But still.)
49. After all that, Rory lost it to Dean?! Who writes this show, Satan?
50. Who would like to pay me to edit my first book, The Portable Emily Gilmore?
Note 22: LUKE SHIRTLESS ALERT LUKE SHIRTLESS ALERT LUKE SHIRTLESS ALERT LUKE SHIRTLESS ALERT LUKE SHIRTLESS ALERT LUKE SHIRTLESS ALERT
51. Rory and Dean are seeing each other again? What fresh hell is this?
52. I realize I started this project right after Election Day. Is bingeing Gilmore Girls a symptom of PTSD?
53. Norman Mailer? What is even happening?
Note 23: If Marx had included the Life and Death Brigade in Das Kapital, the revolution would’ve happened already.
54. I’m never going to stop thinking Christopher is hot, huh?
55. Who would like to pay me to edit my second book, Paris Geller’s Guide to Speed Dating?
56. Is the slim pantsuit / silver tie Rory wears to her grandparents’ wedding her best look of all?
Note 24: Yes.
57. “Yes, Damon, I know your Mommy’s a lesbian, but is she coming to the show?”
Note 25: If Rory won’t make out with you, Marty, I will.
Note 26: I regret to discover that Logan “did a year at Andover,” where I went to high school.
58-61. Logan listens to zydeco, too? Am I Logan? Am I trash, like Logan? Is this rock bottom?
Note 27: My sister, a true devotee of the show, texts me with her take, which reads, “You are a combo of Emily Gilmore and Paris in real life.” (Accurate.)
Note 28: The most outdated part of this whole thing is the fact that Logan’s dad is a newspaper magnate.
62. Who would like to pay me to edit my third book, Emily Gilmore’s Tips for Rich Girls Who Break the Law?
63. Gilmore Girls has a Pastor Tim, too? What’re the chances?
Note 29: Lane’s band plays his church in Season Six.
64. When did Lorelai get a dog?
65. Other than Logan, why do folks dislike Gilmore Girls Season Six again? Lorelai and Rory’s big fight is a long time coming.
66. Is there anything more “Emily Gilmore” than her calling Lane “Rory’s Asian friend”?
67. “So, have you seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin? Because you might like it.”
68. “What’s the D.A.R?”
69. Jessssssssssssssssssssssss. (I know. Not a question. But still.)
Note 30: Major, major bonus points for that Valerie Cherish “I don’t wanna see that” reference, Lorelai.
70. What were they thinking with this Luke-has-a-daughter plot twist?
71. Did Zack hit his head? What is with him?
72. Who does Paris’ reign of terror at the Yale Daily News remind me of?
Note 31: Me, as an editor at my college daily.
73. Is the handheld camerawork in “Friday Night’s Alright for Fighting” the show’s most interesting stylistic choice ever?
74. What is with Gilmore Girls and zydeco?
75. Abigail Spencer was on Gilmore Girls?
Note 32: The only character I hate more than Logan is his Australian friend. I hope he dies.
Note 33:
Fuck: Bookseller-in-a-black-blazer Jess Marry: Dean, if he hadn’t dropped out Kill: Logan
76. Exactly one month later, I have completed Season Six—132 episodes. What have I done?
77. Is there a more annoying Lorelai moment than her asking Christopher “Is that the special thing?” over and over?
Note 34: I would totally put out after a Funny Face drive-in date in a red convertible. (Hint, hint.)
Note 35: Lorelai and Christopher’s parents’ weekend visit to Yale was shot at my alma mater, which is definitely not Yale.
78. Where can I find a print of Wolfgirl by Kiki Smith?
Note 36: My home decor style is “Extremely Emily Gilmore.”
79. When does April leave for New Mexico?
80. Have I cried harder than Lorelai’s letter for Luke? No, I have not. Am I crying right now? Yes. Yes, I am.
81. “Mother, have you ever been in a canoe?”
82. How does Logan go so many seasons without getting stabbed in the neck?
83. I know I’m seven seasons late to this question, but what the hell is Sally Struthers doing in Gilmore Girls?
84. “So, do we all like show tunes?”
Note 37: Like April, when I got glasses in first grade, I wanted Sally Jessy Raphael-style red frames.
85. [Sees Spring Fling bulb costumes that resemble the poop emoji] Did Gilmore Girls predict every pop culture trend of the 21st century?
Note 38: Season Seven is worth it just to see Lorelai sing “I Will Always Love You” to Luke.
86. How could you not cry when Richard tells Lorelai, “It takes a remarkable person to inspire all of this”?
87. Was anyone else freaked out, watching A Year in the Life, seeing Stars Hollow and Emily Gilmore’s house in high definition?
88. And isn’t it a shame that Kelly Bishop did her best work ever on the series in this Netflix money grab?
Note 39: Paris Motherfuckin’ Geller
Note 40: Lord today, I don’t think I’ve seen Alex Kingston since she played Dr. Corday on ER, I am 400 years old.
89. Of all the TV dramas that might benefit from 90-minute episodes, are there any lower on the list than Gilmore Girls?
90. Is it not a little unrealistic, even for Gilmore Girls, for Rory and April to change exactly zero in nine years?
Note 41: I have now watched more than 150 episodes of this show and never once been amused by a Stars Hollow town meeting.
91. How in God’s name do you maintain a “secret bar” that has patio seating overlooking the town square?
92. Did Stars Hollow: The Musical make anyone else wish they’d been born without eyes or ears?
93. Once more, with feeling: Jessssssssssssssssssssss. (I know. Not a question. But still.)
Note 42: I think it says a lot, after 156 episodes, that the characters I love the most now were once my least favorite.
Note 43: “The previous owners called it the Clam Shack. I guess Vagina House was taken.” Oh my God, Emily Gilmore, I love you.
94. Does Dean have a throat cold, or did his voice get super deep since Rory dumped him?
Note 44: I know, he was like 14 then.
Note 45: I know it’s lame, and maybe it’d be different if I’d known the series longer, but this elegiac final episode of A Year in the Life is wrecking me.
95. Can you fit all your feelings about Gilmore Girls into just one tweet?
Note 46: In some strange way, this show helped me survive the past few months. Maybe that’s what it’s been for all along.
Note 47: Still, the final four words could have been THAT. ENDING. WAS. GARBAGE. Boy, was it awful.
96. I finished. Can you believe it?
Matt Brennan is the TV editor of Paste Magazine. He tweets about what he’s watching @thefilmgoer.
