This is the dumbest thing that has ever happened. It bears repeating, because, well, this dipshit is the most powerful man in the world.
We elected him.
Because we’re stupid. Because just enough Americans—living in the most peaceful and prosperous time in human history—felt that we were close enough to the edge of oblivion that “fuck it” was a reasonable rationale for handing the nuclear codes to someone with the emotional and mental capacity of a seven-year-old on peyote.
The Democrats lost to him.
Because they’re stupid. They’re so stupid that many Washington Dems probably laughed at me calling Americans stupid above, and have stopped reading the column by this point. They ran a flawed candidate who is defined by her connections to the upper crust of Washington D.C. in an election where Americans were hungry for anything that wasn’t D.C.-related, and their response to this historic loss to America’s first orangutan president is to blame literally everyone but themselves. They’re beyond hopeless.
The former President did nothing as he watched Russia meddle in our election.
Because he made a stupid sandwich comprised of bogus logic and dubious risk assessment. Barack Obama gambled that the worst candidate in modern history would beat the worst candidate in American history, and she would be able to handle the Russian issue once in office. If she didn’t win? Oh well, YOLO. Had Obama taken real action, we may not be dealing with someone who is doing everything within his power to make it look like he committed treason while simultaneously decrying it as “FAKE NEWS!”
This is all so, so, so very stupid.
The President of the United States is under investigation for his relationship to America’s chief geopolitical foe (we are SO sorry Mitt Romney). Like any rational human under the watch of the Feds for dubious connections to Russia, he spent all last week trying to confirm his dubious connections to Russia.
Monday: Trump kicked off the shit storm with what could be construed as intimidating a witness prior to her testimony on Michael Flynn in front of the Senate.
Tuesday: He fired the man heading the investigation into his Russian connections, and his surrogates said it was 100% based on the recommendation of the deputy Attorney General (who later repudiated this characterization) and the Attorney General who had to recuse himself from this case thanks to falsehoods he made about his connections to Russia.
Wednesday: He invited the Russian ambassador (who is the main reason that Michael Flynn does not work in the White House anymore) and the Foreign Minister of Russia because Vladimir Putin asked him to (wut). Trump banned American media from the meeting—only letting in Russian state media (WHAT!?!?!?). And then he divulged some of the most top secret information on the planet—intelligence that was shared with us by an ally who used to trust us (WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?).
AND IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!
Thursday: He confessed to obstruction of justice while cutting the legs off his entire communications team—contradicting their assertions that this had nothing to do with the investigation into Russia, telling Lester Holt “and in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made-up story.'”
Friday: He launched an unhinged Twitter tirade that was nuts even by his rock-bottom standards, and he threatened the former Director of the FBI while insinuating that he tapes his Oval Office conversations, bringing the Nixon comparisons full circle.
This is all so, so, so stupid. Our president, who has business ties with Russia that go back to the 1980s, claims he has “NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA – NO DEALS, NO LOANS, NO NOTHING.” However, his law firm released a letter last week stating that fact but “with a few exceptions.” Just like I've never gotten drunk, save for a few exceptions. And to put the cherry on top of this ludicrously stupid sundae, in 2016, THIS LAW FIRM WAS NAMED THE RUSSIAN LAW FIRM OF THE YEAR!!!
I don't know what to write anymore. Every time something happens in this White House, it's the dumbest thing ever…until another bout of idiocy replaces it less than 24 hours later. I'm slowly turning into Dennis Reynolds in that clip, as every time one of these “Donald Trump DID WHAT???” stories come out, I spend the ensuing moments vacillating between maniacal laughter and outright fear for the survival of Western Civilization.
The Republicans in Congress surely feel a similar measure of fear, but they would liquidate the entire Western hemisphere (financially, literally and metaphorically) for an additional 5% tax cut for the 1%. Paul Ryan—also known as the biggest fraud in American history—will happily take up residence underneath Trump's boot just so long as he gets to rip food out of poor people's mouths. I would say that I look forward to watching him twist his way out of this proclamation, but we all know that no one in the media or his own party will really hold his feet to the fire for his hilariously blatant hypocrisy.
If Paul Ryan comes out in favor of denying Donald Trump further access to classified info, I'll eat a live anaconda and post the video to Paste's Facebook page. Snakes have firmer spines than Ryan does. This is all so very stupid. Americans have grown complacent to such a degree where we advocate bombing countries that we can't even find on a map.
Americans are so disconnected from our government that (at least) a plurality of us looked at a Donald Trump presidency, shrugged our shoulders, and said “what’s the worst that can happen?” Well, we’ve hit close to the predicted worst case scenario eight percent of the way through his first term. If we maintain our current level of denial about our own failures and complicity in ushering in the dumbest era in modern history, then we’ll spend Donald Trump’s second term filming the sequel to Idiocracy (for everyone holding out hope that his approval rating will sink him, remember that he had a 61% disapproval rating on Election Day). The fact that we don’t have millions of people descending on Washington every week demanding that our representatives fix this shit is essentially a green light allowing them to turn their backs on the supernova of stupidity and to continue their traditional grifting. Do better America, this is embarrassing.
Jacob Weindling is a staff writer for Paste politics. Follow him on Twitter at @Jakeweindling.