The Funniest Tweets about Trump’s Fourth of July Military Parade and “Salute to America”
Photo courtesy of Getty Images Comedy Lists Donald Trump
Yesterday, a few hours after a sizable earthquake hit the west coast, a president best known from reality TV and his serial bankruptcies presided over a rain-drenched, self-glorifying military parade that his own military leaders were opposed to. During his “Salute to America” event, Trump spoke about Washington’s Continental Army “closing the airports” during the Revolution, in front of a crowd full of MAGA caps and QAnon believers who expected the long-dead John F. Kennedy Jr. to reappear and announce he’ll be Trump’s 2020 running mate. In other words, it was just about the most predictable Trump-era Fourth of July ever. Seriously, try to actually surprise us next time, people!
Obviously this kind of racket can’t go down without Twitter jumping all over it, and since we here at Paste are in the business of high-fiving good jokes, here are some of the funniest tweets about this perfectly Trumpian display. Check ‘em out and give the writers a follow, if you’re so inclined. Meanwhile let’s get ready for Trump’s Labor Day rally from the crown of the Statue of Liberty, when we find out that a significant undercurrent of internet-using Baby Boomers apparently believe that Ronald Reagan started a secret project in 1984 to mix his DNA with chimpanzees and the grey aliens from Area 51 in order to create a perfect president chimera who will take over on his 35th birthday when Trump resigns to become the new pope.
Who can forget, in 1776, when the Continental Army took over the airports. pic.twitter.com/IeADeBv13k
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) July 4, 2019
Welp. Looks like we’d better get some sleep, we’ve got a long day of arguing with guys named LibertyLobster about the definition of “airport” ahead of us tomorrow
— joe randazzo (@Randazzoj) July 5, 2019
The Revolutionary War ended in 1783, would’ve been sooner but, France had a layover at Charles de Gaulle Airport.
— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) July 5, 2019
In a sense, all of us have manned the air-feh, ranned the ramparts and took over the airports.
— James Urbaniak (@JamesUrbaniak) July 5, 2019
Don’t worry, the president didn’t think there were airports in the Revolutionary War. It’s just that he can barely read, was thinking about golf, and had no interest in what was coming out of his mouth.
— Dan Telfer (@dantelfer) July 5, 2019
Q is real. I faked my death and infiltrated the deep state to install the host of The Apprentice as President of the United States in order to take down an international cabal of elite pedophiles. A few years ago I started leaving cryptic clues on web forums for boomers to find.
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) July 5, 2019
I don’t know what people are complaining about, this speech was fine pic.twitter.com/Qv3bsmQdTC
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) July 5, 2019
When your brain is so diseased that you yell at the troops for not respecting the troops enough https://t.co/7d6nBIPDVh
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) July 4, 2019
It’s a metaphor https://t.co/iOo8TNQDii
— Erin crosstalk Ryan (@morninggloria) July 4, 2019
Just saw zombie JFK Jr. walking down the street. “Jobs are back and so am I,” he said, “and Christmas.”
— Brian Tashman (@briantashman) July 5, 2019
I drink two gin and tonics because nobody invited me to their 4th of July party and all of a sudden I’m the reanimated corpse of JFK Jr.
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) July 5, 2019
100% certain that Trump has yelled at someone to do something about the rain.
— Desi (@DesiJed) July 4, 2019
the universe literally raining on trump’s parade is just what i needed today
— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) July 4, 2019
So who’s the big musical act tonight at the Trump rally? I love witnessing career ending moments in show business.
— Carl Newman (@ACNewman) July 4, 2019
Trump didn’t need to throw himself a parade for us to know a guy who broke the law to avoid the draft to send some poor kid to war and broke a nuclear deal so he could send other people’s kids to war just sees the military as his toys.
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) July 5, 2019
Sitting in a mud puddle clapping my hands while Donald Trump veers into an uptalking ad-lib about how Angie Dickinson “is a very fake person.” It’s dark and has been raining for hours. Everyone else has gone home. It’s just me and the president. He’s blinking rapidly.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) July 5, 2019
Trump’s parade was such a disappointment, he named it “Eric.”#TrumpParade#TrumpParadeFail
— Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) July 5, 2019
Thought the smoke from Trump’s 4th of July celebration looked familiar. pic.twitter.com/lvyQWdzz0t
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) July 5, 2019
this #TrumpParade is some crazy shit! pic.twitter.com/sITBySiy6s
— Brett Ryland (@brettryland) July 4, 2019
Would give my life savings to have heard Trump brainstorming ideas for his Fourth of July celebration. I bet atomic bomb was mentioned at least once.
— Desi (@DesiJed) July 4, 2019
getting word that during his speech trump plans to introduce our new secretary of defense, teen mom farrah abraham
— as a prosecutor, (@Mobute) July 4, 2019
Getting struck by lightning while waiting to see Mr. Trump bring out JFK Jr.
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) July 4, 2019
TRUMP: God, if you don’t think I deserve a military parade, show me a sign.
half country starts shaking
TRUMP: any sign at all.
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) July 4, 2019
Trump says earthquake could have been avoided if we raked the fault lines the way they do in Norway
— Mike Scully (@scullymike) July 4, 2019
Just landed in New York and missed Trump’s loser parade. How’d it go? Did everybody’s grandpa cum?
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) July 4, 2019
Two people – duo
Three people – trio
Four people – Donald Trump military parade— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) July 4, 2019