“There is always a tweet.”
Those words started out funny, became prophetic, and have now transcended all adjectives except two: “uncanny” and “bizarre.” Long before he became president, Donald Trump made a habit of attacking President Obama on social media. Twitter, in particular, became the digital vanguard of the birther movement he helped start. These were the front lines of his personal battle against the black president he despised, and he unleashed his venom at every opportunity.
Unfortunately for him, those tweets would have very long lives—ones that went far beyond Obama’s two terms in office. Trump’s old tweets now look like 140-character time bombs set to go off in the future. All the criticisms he leveled at Obama have returned on him tenfold, and when viewed in the current context, it’s as though he’s savagely criticizing himself.
Hence, “there is always a tweet.” For every move Trump makes, a digital ghost of himself exists to taunt him with his own logic. On Aug. 13, 2013, he tweeted “Be prepared, there is a small chance that our horrendous leadership could unknowingly lead us into World War III.” Hmmm… On Jan. 11, 2013, he tweeted, “Let’s get out of Afghanistan. Our troops are being killed by the Afghanis we train and we waste billions there. Nonsense!” Hmm… On Sep. 26, 2012, he tweeted: “Obama's complaints about Republicans stopping his agenda are BS since he had full control for two years. He can never take responsibility.” Hmmm…
You get the idea. As we said, it’s uncanny. Below, find your ultimate guide to our president’s Twitter self-owns—100 of the best, straight from the idiot’s mouth. We’ve organized it by three categories:
You Did This, Dummy
This section is devoted to tweets where citizen/candidate Trump bashes policies or behaviors that President Trump endorsed or enacted, or previous stances which would come to haunt him as new information emerged during his administration.
You Did This, Dummy (President Obama Edition)
Trump truly became Twitter famous during Barack Obama’s second term, when his birther BS ignited an army of racist trolls. Unfortunately for our commander-in-cheeto, tweeting about what presidents should do is a lot easier than being president, and he is both loud-mouthed and ham-fisted enough that we could fill an entire section with tweets where he did the thing that he’s criticizing Obama for doing.
While less empirically true than the ones above, our last section contains tweets penned by past Trump which clearly describe present Trump—along with any other gems that fall short of the standard of the previous two categories. Be sure to take note of the date on each tweet as they span a fairly wide range.
Now, before we begin to dunk all over our president using his own words, we do have to give him credit for one absolute gem of a tweet:
Trump’s only good tweet.
This is hysterical, and even though he's useless, his brash stupidity stumbled into some comedic gold here.
On to the dunking!
Fat Trump has his own button where he can summon a Coke whenever he wants, sad!
On a completely unrelated note, Donald Trump's government hasn't passed any meaningful legislation in nine months in office.
Chaser: How Donald Trump Shifted Kids-Cancer Charity Money Into His Business
“But everyone-in-my-administration's emails!” Like you will see later with golf and Obamacare, there are enough Trump tweets about Hillary's private e-mail server to fill their own list, and these get more and more hilarious each time a new member of his administration/family is revealed to have used a private e-mail server.
We believe that Trump's position on special prosecutors has changed ever so slightly.
“There's nothing easier or more pathetic than being a critic” said President Trump.
LGBT shout-out from the man who went on to ban transgender people from the military!
Trump has yet to divest from his businesses.
Remember that time he fought with the Pope?
“I think that the Pope is a very political person. I don't think he understands the danger of the open border that we have with Mexico. I think Mexico got him to do it because they want to keep the border just the way it is. They're making a fortune, and we're losing.”
And of course:
This isn't a contradiction so much as it's just old-school politician lying. Trump's health care bill would have virtually eliminated Medicaid.
Nineteen months later, Fox News is literally the only friend that Donald Trump has in this world.
I'm honestly not sure who looks more cucked here, Trump or Fox News.
So if Jon Hunstman “gave our country to China,” why did Trump appoint him as ambassador to Russia?
NARRATOR: He didn't.
John McCain flew back to vote no on the “grt healthcare to all Americans!”
Both of the main characters in this tweet are no more.
”I don't watch TV except for when I watch TV!”
This evergreen gem keeps popping up every time we have to beg Congress not to take away our health care.
Every time Trump hints at the destruction of North Korea like he's teasing the next episode of The Apprentice, this one invades Twitter. Because he hasn't gone to war with Iran (yet) and only winks at it, this does not fall in to the bona fide “he did this” Obama section.
Trump called New Hampshire a “drug-infested den” on a call with the Mexican president.
“Walls are bad.” His lack of awareness is a bona fide super power.
Chaser (in relation to Golf Magazine reporting that he called the White House “a dump.”):
There is no 'War on Christmas.' Be right back, gonna go die of laughter now.
Under Trump, the economy added an average of 170k jobs each month between February and August, and we lost jobs amidst the hurricanes in September.
Don't politicize mass shootings, said the party whose leader politicizes any mass killing if the suspect's skin tone is lighter than the marble floor in his bathroom. This one cropped up in the wake of the Las Vegas shooting, making his initial point even dumber than it initially was.
This one sure didn't look so great as the racist nightmare in Charlottesville was unfolding. Or the Vegas shootings. Or the Texas church shootings. Or the (fill in the blank when new thing happens).
Trump hung up on the Australian prime minister in February because it had been a “long day” and “he was tired.” Trump later bailed on a speech in Saudi Arabia due to “exhaustion.” Ahem:
There are so, so, so, so many tweets on amnesty that this new tweet repudiates.
If you swap out “Sandy” for “Puerto Rico,” this actually becomes a true statement.
Trump just committed $1 billion per year and thousands of more troops to Afghanistan.
35. After Trump capitulated to “Chuck and Nancy” and enraged his own party by taking up Democratic talking points, this gem began making the rounds:
The Democratic plan that Trump agreed to extended the debt ceiling for three months.
Hey, remember when Trump immediately agreed to the Democrats' plan to extend the debt ceiling without hearing the Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan out?
LeBron James called Trump a “bum” after his tirade against NFL players and refused to say his name when addressing the issue in a subsequent press conference, which makes this one all the more humorous.
President who doesn't watch football doesn't like the protests put on by football players.
President who doesn't like NFL players peacefully protesting is also on board with peaceful protest.
Commenting on Football is Actually Bad President who takes time to randomly call NFL players “sons of bitches” thinks it is improper for a president to comment on private NFL matters.
Speaking of sports, this one came up in our timelines during the first inning of this year's American League one game playoff, when the Twins jumped out to a 3-0 lead on the Yankees.
Not an Obama one, but it's linked to his beloved Yankees so we're sneaking it in. Justin Verlander just pitched one of the greatest postseason's in recent memory. He completely shut down the Yankees twice in the American League Championship—pitching 16 out of a possible 18 innings across both starts—allowing just one run while striking out 21 batters against just two walks.
Folks, he's just relaxing! That's why he plays more golf!
We could probably create a list of 100 Trump tweets slamming Obama for golfing and taking a vacation. This one is too easy.
TFW you subtweet your daughter from the past. Remember when Ivanka and Jared were on vacation in Aspen during like, every single major catastrophe in the White House?
Substitute “ESPN” with “Fox & Friends” and this tweet 100% applies to present Trump. Don't believe us on the last one? Remember that Trump tweet from before, where he's defending giving amnesty to illegals? The man is a hypocritical machine. On some level, you gotta respect the consistency.
Did we mention that Trump's golf trips have cost taxpayers around $70 million already? Did we mention that his campaign has netted about $36 million in fundraising thus far in 2017…for 2020?
Jimmy Carter's average approval rating while in office? 45%. Trump hasn't hit 45% approval since March.
You sure you really wanna go there? As of this writing, Trump's approval rating sits at 37%, which is where it's been hovering pretty much since he entered the White House.
No one tell Trump that his party has full control of Congress.
In the modern era, every president but Trump has released their tax returns.
No White House logs. No Mar-a-lago logs. No tax returns. But yeah, Obama is the least transparent president ever.
You know the drill by now.
Trump is no fan of the electoral college. Oops, but remember his election night meltdown after Mitt Romney lost?
The head of Trump's FCC wants to repeal net neutrality.
I guess technically, he didn't bow—he curtsied.
There's even a tweet about hijabs, folks.
So if the mess in Cartegena happened because the Secret Service didn't respect Obama, what does that mean for when they took pictures of Trump's sleeping grandson?
Oh so we're in favor of independent investigations now?
Intelligence services have to send Trump pictures, and put his name in the text more than is necessary to make sure he reads their reports. The latter strategy is the exact same way dogs are trained—just make sure to say their names when giving commands so they stay on point.
This one popped up again after the infamous “set shooting paper towels into a crowd” photo-op in Puerto Rico.
Chaser, post-Hurricane Harvey:
You literally did this exact thing, you mutant Dorito.
Here's the full list of everyone to leave the executive branch in nine months: Trump's National Security Adviser, Deputy White House Chief of Staff, Communications Director, Press Secretary, Deputy Assistant to the President, FBI Director, Office of Government Ethics director, Press Aide, Top Middle East adviser for the National Security Council, Chief of Staff, another Communications Director, Chief Strategist and the Secretary of Health and Human Services.
Or, to put it more succinctly, “3 Chiefs of Staff, Less Than One Year”
Covfefe POTUS who says Obama went so low as to “Tapp” his phones doesn't like bad spelling.
No need to wait for the future, he contradicted himself by the end of this tweet.
Man who tweets a lot thinks tweeting a lot is a sign of mental disease.
You said it, big guy.
Projection much? He's 100% talking about himself without realizing it.
This one is so true it hurts. Be right back, gonna go hide in a bomb shelter until I die.
“Elections have consequences”
Just gonna go ahead and link to this Wikipedia page for no reason whatsoever… Also, psychologists literally marched against this guy because they think he's nuts.
Thoughts on sex from President “grab-her-by-the-pussy.”
Clearly, Donald Trump has never seen Donald Trump's Saturday morning tirades.
TIME's 2016 Man of the Year used to think it was stupid.
It's not possible for me to agree any more with this in the present tense.
This is exhausting.
This is one of those where you start out laughing and end up crying.
I know we keep linking to the psychological projection page on Wikipedia, but man, there's so much material to work with on that front.
My God. THIS SHOULD BE THE LAST ONE.
Said the man who tweets out North Korean-style propaganda every day.
Okay, his projection isn't funny anymore.
*thinking face emoji*
Remember when Trump loved football? To be fair to our commander-in-tweet, George Will is a moron.
This one's even more painful in the wake of our realization that our nuclear-armed whacko leader is just as crazy as North Korea's nuclear-armed whacko leader.
Trump's own cabinet has almost certainly considered this point.
When the report came out that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Trump a moron and then didn't deny it, this Comic Sans MS madness began making the rounds.
This isn't cryptic at all.
*looks directly at camera*
Are we sure this is real life?
“I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA — NO DEALS, NO LOANS, NO NOTHING!”
Aras Agalarov is one of the many oligarchs in the Kremlin's pocket. It's not exactly a secret either.
This one never gets old.
No wonder he's so upset about the Russian investigation.
LAST ONE I SWEAR
Let's switch it up here at the end and post a YouTube video to close things out. Remember this past August when Trump tried to rally his southern base with this tweet: “Sad to see the history and culture of our great country being ripped apart with the removal of our beautiful statues and monuments.”
Well, here's what he had to say back in 2015. Enjoy, and remember: There's always a tweet (or video).
Every. Single. Day. A. New. One. Returns.
All it takes is one news story, and the ghost of Twitter past comes out to haunt Trump once again. We were done, and then a big story broke, and past Trump reminded us that our work was far from being finished. This one began making the rounds as The Washington Post published a report that GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore, who is running to replace Jeff Sessions in Alabama, initiated a sexual encounter with a 14 year old girl when he was 32. I swear to God, Donald Trump time travels to the past in order to humiliate his present self.
You can follow Paste politics editor Shane Ryan and staff writer Jacob Weindling on Twitter. We’re much more coherent than Trump, we promise.