A few noteworthy things happened this week. One, Rudy Giuliani resigned from his law firm to, uh, focus on representing the president. Two, Grimes and Elon Musk announced that they are dating. Congrats Grimes and Elon Musk! Three, I guess a bunch of telecom and pharmaceutical companies and also Russian billionaires have been bribing the president, or at least bribing his lawyer, who knows. Nuts! Four, a whole mess of TV shows got cancelled, and then one of them got rescued, and also Adult Swim ordered seventy more episodes of Rick and Morty, yikes! Okay, I think that about covers it, please enjoy the tweets:
Live every day like you’re a beautiful celebrity just finding out about the Iran-Contra affair pic.twitter.com/zmMgJGatwN
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) May 8, 2018
Everyone is having a really good time at my birthday party pic.twitter.com/R9vUxwWFzE
— Jon Millstein (@jmillstein) May 13, 2018
i made one pic.twitter.com/LwiyqyoJfE
— fullmullet alchemist (@rfetts) May 11, 2018
roses are red,
i turned my ex into a lizard, pic.twitter.com/5tXZeDDhYM— melissa lozada-oliva (@ellomelissa) May 11, 2018
Wow! Philanthropy in action: pic.twitter.com/8OSDMstkmu
— popular comedy account “the pixelated boat” (@pixelatedboat) May 11, 2018
file this under my favorite thing I’ve ever seen pic.twitter.com/qlkcr2C1g8
— a (@annkatsha) May 9, 2018
If Fox is so keen on cancelling comedies, crowd starts pleading with me to stop maybe they should cancel THIS FREAKING ADMINISTRATION
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) May 10, 2018
Howdy Neil, I hate to be the one to tell you, but nobody cares what phase the moon was in when Ted Kennedy murdered a woman with his car. https://t.co/XyAjuCYPYE
— Kaleb Horton (@kalebhorton) May 10, 2018
when you’re in charge of programming at Fox pic.twitter.com/jzOrJPu8df
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) May 10, 2018
interesting, i’m seeing here that a clause of the 70-episode renewal is that nobody online is ever allowed to talk about Rick and Morty ever again! we can just watch it and silently enjoy it by ourselves! nuts https://t.co/7bVjSNACUX
— David Sims (@davidlsims) May 10, 2018
Best wishes to my “daughter” pic.twitter.com/H0Oh4nKcIT
— Jewel Galbraith (@jewelfg) May 10, 2018
when I was an undergraduate creative writing major, I once wrote a short story where the characters used “hepcat” jazz vernacular, and it’s been quite the challenge having to kill everyone who read it
— Django Gold (@django) May 10, 2018
what the fuck is her problem pic.twitter.com/nbV7Kk67jW
— Hot Dog Wiener (@googleymoogley) May 9, 2018
(waking up)
ME: Am I dead?
ANGEL: Not yet. You’re here in limbo because you still have unfinished business on earth and you must resolve it before you depart to the afterlife.
(I slowly raise my head)
ME (solemnly): Of course. Seasons 4-8 of Dexter.— Michelle Spies (@spies_please) May 9, 2018
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) May 9, 2018
me watching the end of infinity war must be nice
— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) May 8, 2018
I am convinced the (very good) photographer assigned to Bari Weiss’ latest piece is savagely mocking her absurd thesis by depicting her subjects hiding in the bushes from Twitter criticism pic.twitter.com/964qfkeox7
— Mark Joseph Stern (@mjs_DC) May 8, 2018
every bari weiss piece is like “its a political crisis for america that most of my peers think i’m unbelievably dumb”
— isaiah breen (@isi_kbreen) May 8, 2018
pretty good summary of mad men: pic.twitter.com/cWSMxIiduc
— calvin lord (@calvinthelord) May 8, 2018
— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) May 13, 2018
Water: it’s what u guzzle (the new official slogan for water)
— Hannah Levy (@hanlevy) May 9, 2018
A man just walked up to the return counter at the Container Store in Chelsea with five overflowing Bed Bath and Beyond bags, set them down, realized where he was, and screamed “FUCK”
— Joe Bernstein (@Bernstein) May 7, 2018
Of all the people to, um, crack under pressure https://t.co/arBBeIbJeo
— Spencer Ackerman (@attackerman) May 6, 2018
THE THEME FOR THIS YEAR’S MET GALA IS THE FAMILY STONE
— John Early (@bejohnce) May 7, 2018
unfortunate that the first person i’m seeing irl after finding out about grimes and elon musk dating is my therapist, who doesn’t know who either of these people are but is about to get an earful
— maya kosoff (@mekosoff) May 7, 2018
Someone ought to attend the Met gala & really blow people’s minds by being fat
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) May 8, 2018