The Betty Bump: Five Ways to Improve the World With More Betty White
Betty White’s recent turn as the host of Saturday Night Live brought the sketch-comedy show the best ratings it’s seen since the 2008 elections, leading CNN to muse that the unlikely internet darling might be “the new Neil Patrick Harris.” Indeed, a Facebook campaign is already afoot to promote the 88-year-old as a potential host for the Oscars. That got us thinking—what are some other things that could benefit from the Betty Bump?
Major League Baseball – Many would argue that soccer long ago usurped baseball as America’s real national pastime, and without the gladiatorial brutality of football’s tackles, the MLB has become a rather quaint spectator sport. It’s a fine game, no doubt, but it’s not where you turn to see the conflict that makes any battle of brain or brawn worth tuning in for. Toss White in a catcher’s mask and have the spunky octogenarian taunt the opposing team’s batter, and we’re pretty sure she could incite a brawl to rival hockey’s punch-ups.
Celebrity Rehab – Forget all Dr. Drew’s sympathy and ego-coddling on this season of VH1’s C-list recovery show. Let White take the reigns, and she’ll have Dennis Rodman and the rest of the cast so busy running to get her coffee, they won’t even have time to use whatever substances got them on the show in the first place. And if any of Rehab’s celebrities forget who the real national treasure amongst them is, White can call in attack dog Sandra Bullock to set them straight.
