There’s nothing left to say about this week. It’s… yeah. Jesus. I mean…
Here are some funny tweets. If you’re looking for tweets about the debate, of which there were like 18 million, you can find the best over here. This post would be way too long if I included the best debate tweets, so yeah, just go over to that other page.
And if you’re looking for tweets about Trump catching the virus he’s routinely downplayed, well, you won’t find too many of those in here. And the ones you will find are, y’know, jokes—with obvious thought put into them, and intentionally constructed, and not just people acting happy about another person’s medical diagnosis.
And if you’re looking for tweets about pro wrestling, you won’t see any here, but you’ll see some on my own Twitter account pretty much every Wednesday night, and often on Tuesdays, and just randomly throughout the week, too.
And if you’re looking for the best tweet of all time, it’s still this.
And if you want to do a solid, follow all the people who tweeted all the things below.
And finally: thank you. Always. Thank you.
This is what happens when you push the wrong button in a video game. https://t.co/QagSiHYEqR
— ianabramson (@ianabramson) September 25, 2020
i think it would generally be an improvement in my experience of the iphone if it could no longer receive calls to my phone number
— greg (@weedguy420boner) September 25, 2020
• i consider myself a pretty smart guy
• whenever a celebrity likes one of my tweets, i invariably act like we’re old drinking buddies for the rest of my life
— Casey Boyd (@caseybboyd) September 26, 2020
my mom just sent this photo of a bear in her backyard & i am LOSING IT pic.twitter.com/KF16JS99MK
— ezra “etrog” rose (@magpietongue) September 25, 2020
So excited for my quarantine depression and my regular depression to meet my seasonal depression
— Mohanad Elshieky (@MohanadElshieky) September 14, 2020
“Please, Charles Entertainment Cheese was my father. Call me Chuck.”
— John Carpenter’s Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) September 27, 2020
This is the hardest working shirt in America. pic.twitter.com/qRgtIJcdiy
— Josiah Renaudin (@JosiahRenaudin) September 27, 2020
Trump really paid less in taxes than most Wheel of Fortune contestants spend on vowels
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) September 27, 2020
Wow the president paid less in taxes than I pay in rent? I can’t wait to find out how this also has no effect on anything
— Joey (@joeygllghr) September 27, 2020
i used the latest in age progression technology to show what JFK would’ve looked like in 1980 pic.twitter.com/HhwEh1G4uI
— einstürzende neubölt?n (@AmbJohnBoIton) September 28, 2020
I call my battle with depression world war me
— Rachel Wolfson (@wolfiecomedy) September 28, 2020
i sure hope sex turns out to be overrated so i’m not missing out on much
— Deep Leffen Bot (@DeepLeffen) September 28, 2020
Let me run through the old checklist for qualities I’m looking for in a leader
massive debtNO reading100 percent transactional view of relationshipsmay not believe other minds exist— Jon Lovett (@jonlovett) September 28, 2020
Instagram people: oh haha I’m not smart enough for Twitter
TikTok people: oh haha I’m not smart enough for Twitter
Twitter: why men always be hanging themselves with dirty bedsheets
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) September 28, 2020
I mean it’s one banana michael, what could it cost? $750?
— meredith (pronounced scare-a-death) (@dietz_meredith) September 28, 2020
vibe, vibe against the dying of the light
— JP (@jpbrammer) September 28, 2020
goodbye hot girl summer,
hello fat bear autumn pic.twitter.com/DVOIGsZ40Q
— Lucia Fasano (@lucia_fasano) September 28, 2020
buying two 12ft Home Depot skeletons so I can make them do this pic.twitter.com/cCTqp9arst
— I hope this is spooky… (@sablaah) September 28, 2020
I wanna be 14 again so I can ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
— Jimmy (@lieslmao) September 27, 2020
(Christian Bale Batman voice)
WHO ARE YOUR GUYS? https://t.co/9xebJ9mbox— Rob Wesley (@eastwes) September 29, 2020
someone post a photo of themselves putting a cast iron skillet in the dishwasher or something so we don’t have to talk about the debate
— mark (@kept_simple) September 29, 2020
Remember to tweet direct quotes from the debate as fast as you can. No one else will be doing this.
— Washington Post TikTok Guy (@davejorgenson) September 29, 2020
GAY ALLIGATORS CONFIRMED pic.twitter.com/hf9Eeom2fM
— Gators Daily (@GatorsDaily) September 29, 2020
Normalize starting an underwater rock band and NOT making the octopus play drums
— Jamison Webb (@jamisonwebb) September 30, 2020
I will never come up with something funnier than the name Proud Boys.
— Desi (@DesiJed) September 30, 2020
a series of events pic.twitter.com/eISXifUCGE
— aleena (@aleenaacostaa) September 29, 2020
how the sopranos RUINED television FOREVER pic.twitter.com/BhTXLuh09i
— graham ross techler (@gr8h8m_t3chl3r) September 29, 2020
Everyone in the Trump administration is a character in a Steely Dan song.
— Schooley (@Rschooley) October 2, 2020
I’ve had “I like presidents who DON’T test positive” in my drafts since March
— Kyle Vorbach, His Arms Wide (@kylevorbach) October 2, 2020
Coronavirus, stand back and stand by
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) October 2, 2020
the 2020 writers’ room lost us with the murder hornets but oh baby they back
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) October 2, 2020
Please stop laughing at the man who got his head stuck in a jar just bc he spent the last seven months shoving jars onto other people’s heads
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 2, 2020
To everybody complaining about comics making jokes tonight, hey man, you told us to stick to comedy
— Auggie Smith (@AuggieSmith) October 2, 2020
the single funniest development of this election cycle is that the war on christmas was coming from inside the house
— b-boy bouiebaisse (@jbouie) October 2, 2020