This is a special bulletin from the Department of Robert Parker Will Never Mention This To You.
Say it with me, folks: Klingon. Bloodwine.
You might have consciously realized you have been waiting for this moment. You might not have. Consciously. But the vaunted victory-beverage of the Star Trek universe is no longer just for swarthy, bellicose types who look like some kind of chitonous shellfish is eating their foreheads. The sacred warrior-hooch is now available on planet Earth, thanks to CBS Consumer Products and some Trekkie oenophiles with connections in Paso Robles.
This wine, while “humanized” from its Klingon iteration, famously twice as strong as whiskey and served at, oh say body temperature, is still not exactly a fluffy little bunny. Leathery, high-tannin Petit Verdot, inky, plummy Malbec and peppery, earthy Syrah combine to produce a wine that weighs in at a human-safe 13% ABV, and is perfectly reasonable served at cellar temp, but don’t expect timidity or lightheartedness from this character any more than you would from, well, a Klingon. It’s rich, deep, tannic and pretty intense, with a rustic personality and a palate dominated by plum, blackberry and earthen notes. Spicy nose with a dash of vanilla, and sub-flavors of honor and total fearlessness.
Klingon Bloodwine’s traditional accompaniment, Heart of Targ, may be difficult to source (hell, in California you have to be really crafty even to get your hands on foie gras). However, I’m guessing that at some point, somewhere on this planet, someone has actually fed it to Tony Bourdain and told him it was pork. Check the crew blogs for Parts Unknown. If your Whole Foods doesn’t carry free-trade Targ and Tony’s not responding to your Tweets, or if you’re a bloodthirsty warrior who is committed to vegetarianism, know that this humanized Bloodwine can also be enjoyed with aged cheeses, spiced walnuts, and all things smoky.
Currently available for about $20 through Vinport www.vinport.com/startrek, this brew will soon be arriving at fine retailers across the United States portion of the planet—utilize the worlds-wide web to get your hands on some right away.
‘IwlIj jachjaj, y’all.