The Funniest Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort Tweets
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There was a little bit of news today, if you haven’t heard.
First off, Donald Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to a variety of criminal charges, and admitted to making payouts to two women “in coordination with and at the direction of a candidate for federal office” in order to influence the election.
Not long after that news broke, former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort was found guilty of five charges of tax fraud, two charges of bank fraud, and one charge of “failing to file a foreign bank account.”
So that’s Trump’s own personal attorney, and the guy who was at one time in charge of his entire campaign, both found guilty of felonies on the same day, with Trump himself implicated by at least one of them. As we said, a little bit of news today.
A pattern quickly developed early in Trump’s campaign, and it has grown only more evident during his presidency. What’s bad for Trump is good for people who like to tell jokes on Twitter. Political comedy might be withering in late night and on cable network schedules, but the rapid fire pace and instant gratification of the internet keeps it running on all cylinders on Twitter. Sure, Jack Dorsey and his microblogging mistake might be messing up in glorious fashion when it comes to dealing with far right trolls and conspiracy mongers on its site, but it’s still the most useful way to exult over the prosecution or imprisonment of Trump’s criminal underlings.
Here are the best tweets about today’s news concerning Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort and Donald Trump, from some of the funniest writers and comedians who can still stomach Twitter.
i can’t believe Sacha Baron Cohen was Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen all along
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) August 21, 2018
I’ll say this, if Michael Cohen goes to prison I shall miss hearing his “supporting character from Guys & Dolls” voice on TV.
— James Urbaniak (@JamesUrbaniak) August 21, 2018
Michael Cohen 6 months ago: I would take a bullet for President Trump
Michael Cohen today: pic.twitter.com/V1jzOdWe77
— Shawn in Az(@CaptainsLog2O18) August 21, 2018
Somebody needs to send a fax to Fox News and let them know about this Michael Cohen stuff.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) August 21, 2018
wow paul manafort found guilty on 8 counts of dressing like a complete dickhead
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) August 21, 2018
imagine being paul manafort’s cellmate when he tries to tell that “you know i had an ostrich jacket on the outside” story for like the 30th time
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) August 21, 2018
Me watching the Manafort and Cohen news pic.twitter.com/PU3tacogHF
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 21, 2018
If someone wrote the last hour as a chapter in a piece of Trump fan fiction, it would seem too over the top.
— Maggie Haberman (@maggieNYT) August 21, 2018
When the Manafort AND Cohen push notifications hit pic.twitter.com/7×2acFREcA
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) August 21, 2018
Manafort found guilty of 8 counts of fraud and a lifetime of seriously fucked hair.
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) August 21, 2018
Manafort and Cohen share a cell. All Manafort wants is quiet. All Cohen wants is a friend.
— Jon Lovett (@jonlovett) August 21, 2018
MSNBC: Cohen Guilty
CNN: Manafort guilty
FOX: Can you piss when your dick is hard?— jon (@jondaly) August 21, 2018
Trump: I never met Cohen or Manafort.
Giuliani: They are not actually real.
Stephen Miller: White people cannot get a fair trial.
Pence: Mother…?
Mother Pence: Shh. Soon.— Mark Harris (@MarkHarrisNYC) August 21, 2018
Wow! Watching footage from this Paul Manafort verdict and it is NUTS. https://t.co/V1nkGSOHs6
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) August 21, 2018
Prediction…
Tonight Donald Trump will call Michael Cohen a fraud and people in MAGA hats will yell “Nobel”.
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) August 21, 2018
i see businessman donald trump is in the news
— dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) August 21, 2018
You’re all attacking him, but Trump is one of the few employers out there willing to provide employment for convicted felons
— Peter Schultz (@pete_schultz) August 21, 2018
Trump is so unlucky! Can you imagine the odds of inadvertently surrounding yourself with that many criminals over and over again?! That dumpy fuck can’t catch a break!
— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) August 21, 2018
BOOM! Manafort NOT GUILTY on 10 charges! AWASH in lib-tears!
— Moshe Kasher (@moshekasher) August 21, 2018
This is better than the time we thought Trump stroked out after typing covfefe.
— Desi (@DesiJed) August 21, 2018
Trump isn’t taking this well pic.twitter.com/7SvYOSdpp3
— beloved comedy institution “the pixelated boat” (@pixelatedboat) August 21, 2018
Today was the day Donald trump finally became president
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 21, 2018
Thoughts and prayers are like Michael Cohen, they can’t fix shit.
— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) August 21, 2018
If Michael Cohen takes a plea deal and Paul Manafort gets convicted on the same day, how many nuclear missiles will Trump launch while sitting on the toilet screaming?
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) August 21, 2018