The 10 Best Jokes from Sam Bee’s Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner
Okay There's More Than 10
Lead images courtesy of Getty
The traditional White House Correspondents’ Dinner has often been called “nerd prom,” bringing together as it does a collection of press folks, policy wonks and a comedian to roast the president, who usually presides over the whole affair. This year, though, was different. The actual dinner, which was skipped by our thin-skinned president and multiple news outlets, was outshone by another event held in DC yesterday. Determined that there should be no normalization of the man currently holding the office, Samantha Bee announced in early February that that her show Full Frontal would hold a rival event called “Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.”
The event took place on a hot afternoon at Constitution Hall in Washington, DC. As Peaches played her theme song “Boys Wanna Be Her” live, Sam Bee walked out on stage, her hair down and a white pantsuit over a black tee, and the crowd gave her a spontaneous standing ovation. Bee was visibly moved by the reaction from the crowd, telling them that she has never played to a crowd this large. It was one of those strange moments when you realize that, even though millions of people watch her on television every week, she’s never played to an audience this large.
The crowd roared throughout the dinner, with laughs drowning out many of the jokes that followed, but here are some of the best jokes that I heard.
1. “You’re eighteen and wearing you’re father’s suit. You’re obviously from Breitbart.”
The show opened with a filmed sequence with actress Allison Janney, who played press secretary C.J. Cregg on The West Wing, taking questions from the assemblage of so-called reporters who have been granted press credentials to Trump’s White House. Cregg selects a young man, saying, “You’re eighteen and wearing you’re father’s suit. You’re obviously from Breitbart.”
“Doesn’t having a female host for this event demonstrate a clear anti-white male bias?”
Cregg responds, referencing Trump’s February remark to journalist April Ryan: “Absolutely not. Sam Bee doesn’t have anything against white guys. She just can’t tell you apart and thinks you all know one another.”
2. The Magazine We Need in 2017
Ashley Nicole Black joined other field reporters in giving out shout-outs to news organizations who have done yeoman’s work this year reporting on the Trump administration. A huge cheer rose from the audience when she started to praise Teen Vogue. Black quipped, “Teen Vogue is so great. Can someone create a Teen Maxim so guys don’t have to spend all their time on 4Chan being turned into assholes?”
3. This Is CNN, Unfortunately
Samantha Bee did a long segment in which she mourned what has become of CNN. She blamed it on Jeff Zucker, the head of CNN Worldwide. She aired a clip of Zucker saying: “You can call it entertainment. You can call it a reality show. But there was news in it almost every time.”
Bee’s response: “Almost every time? CNN gives you news like your shitty boyfriend gives you orgasms. Either way, you wind up lying in the wet spot and he’s snoring.”
4. We’re Living in a Material World
Alongside Bee’s monologues the show aired various filmed pieces. Some of these segments were from previous (fictional) White House Correspondents’ Dinners where Bee played people who were famous at the time of the dinner. For the dinner for Ronald Reagan, she dressed up like Madonna, and performed a series of jokes that would’ve been topical in the mid ‘80s.
The Madonna character tells a series of jokes that are bombing, and are intended to be. She’s supposed to be the provocative feminist who is the wrong guest at this specific event. She mentions Reagan’s infamous line about the “most terrifying words in the English language” being “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” Her response: “I always thought the scariest words were ‘I have AIDS and the government doesn’t care.’”
Madonna again: “I’ve been reading about Iran-Contra. Every day we find out more. This story has more wrinkles than the president’s nut sack.”
Madonna again: “Just remember kids, if someone with AIDS asks you for help, JUST SAY NO.”
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